I thought it'd be cute

Cute? Bitch, you're pushing 30

Technically, right now, I'm Forever 21

You're right. Rompers are for toddlers and Beyonce

You look fine as fuck. Hello Beyonce

More like Blue Ivy

Okay sure, yeah. It's a little childish but in like a sexy way

Like pigtails

I'm pretty sure pigtails are just for kindergartners and pornstars

Fashion is all about owning it. Do you know that the most stylish thing you can wear -

Please don't say crop top

Confidence

You look like a snake that just ate. No problem. There's a drawstring. It's like a belt, but bunchier

Look at your legs

And your 180 degree wedgie

Cameltoe is the new underbutt

It's definitely not

Look, when is the last time that you bought something that you were really excited about?

Oh, I got this pair of jeans with an elastic waist

Exactly. You need a little fun in your closet

How are you supposed to pee in this monstrosity?

Honestly I feel like I could just do it out of one of the legs. Oops, no, whatever

I don't know, just go into the stall and get naked. It'll be fun. So free, so summer

Until someone barges in on you with your tits out scrolling through Instagram

Don't listen to her. You look dynamite

You don't look like a dynamite. You look like a grenade

You look like a girl at Coachella

Oh, actually I do agree, because the way the fabric hangs, it looks like you're passed out on the floor of a porta potty

It's casual. It's low maintenance

Except you need someone to guard the bathroom door while you free the nipple just to piss

Fashion is about making a statement

In this case that'd be "My boyfriend's gonna hate this!"

Don't dress to impress a man

So I'll just dress to impress other women. There's nothing intimidating about that idea

Look, rompers are awesome, okay? It's like wearing a skirt, but when you're on the subway, your pussy doesn't touch the seat!

I did it! I overcame all the insecurity that goes into making a new fashion choice!

Well fuck

You can't return that

I know. I ripped the tag off

No

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