Don't you want to go on an adventure and discover some new, hidden, secret surprises?

Isn't it about time to add some style to your life?

Well EveRy Airlines you'll never live the same old comfortable life again...

because it's impossible to get comfortable!

You'll discover surprise, after surprise the moment you show up,

thanks to our hidden fees,

and in terms of adding style to your life, we make sure that every single one of our customers,

are fashionably late, thanks to:

Delays

Hi, I'm Ryan Higa, and here at EveRy Airlines we've always believed that your experience flying,

should not just be good,

not just great,

not even just an all-around, amazing experience...

so that's what we do.

- Our motto here at EveRy Airlines, has always been just that,

even though you paid for this flight, (chuckles) we never work for you.

We're gonna be as rude and condescending as we want.

- Kinda like a DJ you know?

Push a couple buttons, have a couple sips,

before you know it we're there!

Pay me.

- So we got this game, right? It's kinda like the Mini-Olympics but, with bags.

You take a luggage, but it has to have that little, red sticker on it.

Rather than placing it down nicely, we shot put it onto the plane,

and if we hear anything broken or anything in pieces,

then you lose!

Though, it's for fun, but it also makes us be careful with everyones' "frag-iley" stuff.

- One of my pet peeves are when people ask for things, but we take customer service very seriously here.

So immediately after we're finished doing what we're doing like

gossiping and taking a nap, or eating our food...

well not the customers' food - the good food. Heh, heh.

We go over to the customer and politely say:

"What?"

- Sometimes we like to do this thing up here, we turn the entertainment system

all the way down so when the passengers put their headphones on, they turn it up.

They can't even hear anything, and then out of nowhere, I pick up the PA and

(microphone feedback) - [Voiceover] This is your captain speaking.

Scare the s*** outta them.

- But even with our incredible staff,

EveRy Airlines wouldn't be what it is today without the help of all of you:

our loyal EveRy Airlines members.

Who show up to almost every single flight.

From the parents who ignore their screaming kids member,

to the angry businessman shouting on his cellphone for the whole plane to hear,

to the guy who didn't learn shapes as a kid,

to the armrest hugger,

the leg spreader,

the guy who sits window, but has to pee every 20 minutes,

the overly friendly guy who talks the whole flight despite seeing you trying to sleep

even the guy who's constantly farting, thinking we don't know it's him.

And even though we have fun here at EveRy Airlines, we always take

your safety very seriously with our newly updated:

"Honest Safety Demonstration Video."

- [Voiceover] Hello, and welcome to EveRy Airlines, this is your safety

demonstration video which none of you are actually going to listen to,

but we're going to do it anyway, so that you don't sue us.

There four emergency exits on this aircraft, in the unlikely event of surviving a plane crash,

a life vest is located in a pouch underneath your seat.

But, so is the luggage of the guy sitting behind so you, so you probably won't

have access to it in the event of a change in air pressure,

An oxygen mask will automatically appear in front of you.

If you don't already know how to put on a mask and breathe,

chances are you're not going to survive anyway.

If you are traveling with a child or someone who requires assistance,

be sure to apply your mask first because your life is more important.

#priority.

We remind you that this is a non-smoking flight, as compared to

all the other smoking flights that you have taken.

You will find this, and all other safety information in the card located between the vomit bag with gum in it and

our dirty complimentary magazine that's held together by children's boogers,

located underneath the tray table, that we don't clean.

If you have any other questions, please hesitate to ask a flight attendant, it's a real bother to the

conversation that we're having in the back.

"Thank you, and have a safe flight."

...Is what you should be saying to us, for letting you join us today.

You're welcome.

(loudspeaker feedback)

- So what are you waiting for? Book your flight with EveRy Airlines today,

- [Voiceover] still don't believe us?

Well check out these satisfied customers showing us their thumbs.

- Yeah, we may be a little dirty,

- delayed,

- expensive,

- annoying,

- careless,

- all-around just awful,

- but like we always say here at EveRy Airlines...

What other choice do you have?

- [Everyone] WHOOOO!

- [Voiceover] EveRy Airlines: