My name is Catie Wayne.

And welcome to Weird, Gross, and Beautiful--

a show where I talk about animals

that I find weird, gross, beautiful, or all three.

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Today, were talking about geese.

I hate them a lot, and it's not important why.

Just keep that in mind that sincerely-- they're

probably the only animal that I hate.

Geese mate for life.

I had no idea that such jerks could attach for that long.

It's unknown to us whether or not if one of them

dies from being an asshole that the other one

gets a new asshole mate.

And to know that they have anything

in common with something as adorable as penguins hurts.

Barnacle geese eat five to six pounds of grass a day.

And that's bizarre, because geese only weigh up to like,

8 to 11 pounds.

That's a lot of grass for one goose.

But they're really extra good at nomming on grass,

because their beaks are like, extra pointy, or something.

All the better to bite your small children with.

Geese are found all over the world.

And they were quite possibly the first poultry

to ever be domesticated.

But here in the lab Catie Wayne, it's still out for debate

whether or not they are actually domesticated,

because they're such temperamental jerks.

Why would anyone ever want to domesticate geese?

What?

Golden eggs?

Got news for you guys.

That's not a real!

That's a fairytale!

And they just walk around with their stupid necks

somewhere between a duck and a swan,

just being like uhh-- [BLEEP] them.

They have this giant monster wingspan of over six feet,

and they can fly up to 40 miles per hour at migration speed.

That's really fast for a giant bird.

So here's something that makes perfect sense.

Goose poop is poisonous.

Yep, that's perfect.

Their poop contains E. coli, and so then

when they're pooping in your lakes and water and stuff

like that, then you swim in the water, you could get E. Coli.

So don't do that.

And our final fact from our in-house goose

expert-- me-- they're dicks.

All right, guys, that's all that I have for you today.

Please, be sure to follow me on Twitter @catiewayne,

and tweet at me what animals you would like me to talk about.

If they're weird, gross, beautiful,

or basically existing-- if you tell me

what animal you'd like me to do, it's

basically guaranteed that I'll do one,

because we can make like a weird, gross, and/or beautiful

span on just about any animal ever.

And while you're doing stuff for me, why don't you

check out this episode of Nature Hates You about geese?

They are, like, on the right track because geese suck.

Hashtag Team Catie Hates Geese Geese Are The Worse

And We Hate Them.

Geese.

Ew.