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English is crazy,
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and what other languages do you recite at a play, but play at a recital,
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or ship by truck but send cargo by ship?
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We have noses that run and feet that smell,
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and the writers write hammers definitely don't ham.
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you fill in a form by filling it out,
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and your alarm goes off by going on,
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and why is it that a slim chance and a fat chance are the same thing,
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but a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
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But this is where it gets even more confusing,
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if you speak of a box in the plural, is "boxes",
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yet the plural of "ox" should be "oxen", not "oxes".
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Then one is a "goose", two are called "geese",
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yet the plural of "moose" should never be "meese".
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And I speak of a foot, and you show me your feet,
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but I give a boot, what a pair we called "beet",
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and we talk about brother and also our brethren,
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but so we say mother we never say methren.
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The masculine pronouns are "he", "his" and "him",
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but imagine the feminine "she", "shis" and "shim".
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And I take it you already know of "tough" and "bough" and "cough" and "dough".
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Beware of "heard", a dreadful word,
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that looks like "beard" and sounds like "bird".
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And "dead" is said like "bed", not "bead".
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For goodness sakes, don't call it "deed".
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Watch out for "meat" and great" and "threat",
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they rhyme with "suite" and "straight" and "debt".
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And "here" is not a match for "there" and "dear" and "fear" for "bear" and "pear".
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And then there's "dose" and "rose" and "lose",
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just look them up, and "goose" and "choose".
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And "cork" and "work" and "card" and "ward" and "font" and front"
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and "word" and "sword" and "do" and "go".
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and "thwart"and "cart"!
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Come on, I 've hardly made a start!
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A dreadful language, well, man alive.
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I learned to talk it when I was five,
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but to write it, the more I try,
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I still haven't learned to at 25.
