Good evening.

I'm teen heartthrob Neil Patrick Harris.

It's an honor to be back hosting the 65th Annual Tony Awards

and I'd like to deliver a very important message on behalf of all of us who care so deeply about this community.

If you've seen a show, then you already know how magical theater can be.

It's a two-hour, live-action, barely affordable, un-lip-synced version of "Glee."

So, this song goes out to the rest of you--

those who've never seen theater before--

because Broadway has never been broader--

it's not just for gays anymore!

If you feel like someone that this world excludes,

it's no longer only for dudes who like dudes.

Attention every breeder, your invited to the theater.

It's not just for gays anymore.

The glamour of Broadway is beckoning straights—

the people who marry in all 50 states.

We're asking every hetero to get to know us better-o.

It's not just for gays anymore!

It's for fine, upstanding Christians who know all the songs from Grease.

It's for sober-minded businessmen who yearn for some release.

So, put down your Playboy and go make a plan

to pick up a Playbill and feel like a man.

There's so much to discover with your different-gendered lover.

it's not just for gays, the gays and the Jews,

and cousins in from out of town you have to amuse,

and the sad, embittered malcontents who write the reviews,

and also foreign tourists, and the groups of senior citizens,

and well-to-do suburbanites, and liberal intellectuals

—though that group is really only Jews and homosexuals—

I've lost my train of thought.

Oh yes, it's not just for gays anymore.

See what I'm talking about?

Thank you.

Wow! You can smell the testosterone in the room, can't you?

Look at this place—it's full of straight people.

Angela Lansbury, you're super-hot. Those things real?

Stephen Colbert, you're straight as they come.

Any thoughts?

I enjoy the theater.

I've enjoyed it all my life.

I enjoy it with my female woman wife.

Nice. Don't we all, don't we all Stephen. Look at this, it's amazing!

Look at all these straight people. James Earl Jones, you're straight.

Vanessa Redgrave, you're straight.

Joe Mantello—thanks for coming.

Hey, Christie Brinkley is here, that's fanta-

Brooke Shields, you're super-hot.

You made me think I was straight for like, 23 years.

Any comments?

When I'm up on stage, there's (are a...mumble mumble)

I'm gonna try that again.

When I'm up on stage, there are some...

I don't know what I'm doing, oh my god!

When I'm up on stage

there's lots of men who like to watch.

In fact, one guy sent a Twit-pic of his crotch.

Nice. It was worth it.

Totally improvised!

You too? Bono! Yeah. What's going on? You see! You'll feel right at home here on Broadway everyone!

Look at all these straight people. Al Pacino!

You're way too famous to participate in this bit.

Hey!

Look who's here, Bobby Cannavale, you're here!

What say you? 5 6 7 8

Broadway touches parts of me

that never have been touched.

I love it very [CENSORED] much.

Right, well said! Well said, sir. Wow!

I mean, come on, isn't it fabulous...

I mean, isn't it awesome?

We've got swarms of Mormons, showgirls, sailors

dancing boys and nuns

plus a Spider facing, death-defying budget over-runs.

So, people from Red states, and people from Blue,

a big Broadway rainbow is waiting for you.

Come in and be inspired, there's no sodomy required.

Cause it's not just for gays, it's not just for gays—

we'd be twice as proud to have you if you go both ways—

Broadway is not just for gays anymore!

[WOW]

So there's that...

We have a great show in store for you tonight.

We are live on Broadway from the Beacon Theater.

Beautiful, right?

Look at this place. Subtle. Understated. Just the way I like it.

Little known fact, everything here, IKEA.

There's one tiny allen wrench....