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  • Live from the most cost effective theatre

  • in North Hollywood, the Awardie Awards.

  • Please welcome minor TV personality Adam Conover!

  • (single person clapping)

  • And the nominees for best picture are...

  • "The Sad British Man."

  • (applause)

  • "Room 2: Back in the Room."

  • (applause)

  • "That Tom Hanks Movie Your Dad Liked."

  • (applause)

  • And "The Rosa Parks Story."

  • (cheering and applause)

  • And the best movie of the year is...

  • (drum rolling)

  • Not determined by this award. Sorry.

  • Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yes, it is.

  • Award shoes are how tastemakers

  • honor important art,

  • like "Crash" and... better movies.

  • Yes, we'd all love to believe

  • that these awards are determined

  • by objective voters weighing

  • the artistic merits of each work.

  • But the fact is, these might as well be the nominees.

  • Money can't act!

  • No, but it can make voters act differently.

  • And to influence them,

  • studios and networks throw boatloads of money

  • into what the industry calls

  • For Your Consideration campaigns.

  • Oh, I've heard of those,

  • and I know exactly what they are,

  • so you don't have to explain them.

  • But go ahead, have your fun.

  • For Your Consideration campaigns

  • are a very specific form of marketing

  • that's aimed solely at awards voters.

  • They're not quite bribery, but they're close.

  • We don't have to pay to see movies.

  • The studio sent them to us for free.

  • Oh, this one comes with an iPad.

  • Or they throw lavish parties

  • for voters to meet celebrities.

  • I met Shailene Woodley,

  • and now we eat clay together.

  • Not to mentions the ads

  • the studios plaster all over L.A.

  • ♪♪

  • You know what? I think he does.

  • Vote for Leo! ♪

  • The worst offenders are the Golden Globes.

  • Only the 87 members of the Hollywood Foreign Press

  • get to vote, and since everyone in Hollywood

  • knows who they are, they get campaigned to personally.

  • One year, Sharon Stone's people

  • sent us all gold Coach watches.

  • Wha...

  • So, uh, yeah, she got the nom.

  • Holy crow!

  • This process is such an open secret,

  • Denzel Washington joked about it on-air

  • during an acceptance speech.

  • Some of you may know Freddy Fields.

  • He invited me to the first, uh,

  • Hollywood Foreign Press luncheon.

  • He said, they're gonna watch the movie,

  • we're gonna feed 'em, they're gonna come over,

  • you're gonna take pictures with everybody,

  • you're gonna hold the magazines, take the pictures,

  • and you're gonna win the award.

  • (laughter)

  • I won that year.

  • (laughter)

  • And all that advertising costs money.

  • To win an Oscar,

  • studios may have to spend up to $10 million.

  • 10 million--

  • That's Kardashian wedding money.

  • I mean, these things are nice,

  • but not $10 million nice.

  • So, what's the point?

  • You gotta spend money to make money.

  • Ahh! Oh, Mark,

  • this is Pete Hammond,

  • awards columnist at Deadline Hollywood.

  • Hi, Pete.

  • Hey, be careful, Adam, I'm in deep cover.

  • Oh, shh. Sorry.

  • Look, it's all about the bottom line.

  • There are studies that show a nomination itself

  • can mean $20 million more at the box office,

  • and with a win, it can be 35 million and up.

  • Actually, even a flop movie

  • can make money with a nomination.

  • Getting nominated is just good for business.

  • And winning a major award

  • conveys something even more important--

  • prestige and power.

  • No one was taking Netflix seriously as a TV network.

  • So we resolved... to win us an Emmy.

  • We went to the neighborhoods of Emmy voters

  • and we gave their neighbors $50 each

  • to put up Netflix lawn signs.

  • We sent out food trucks

  • will free lunch all around Los Angeles.

  • We painted the town with money.

  • And that year,

  • we won not only one Emmy, we won three.

  • So, I took the other two and I melted them down

  • and made them into rings.

  • Now, Netflix... (knocking on counter)

  • is a TV network.

  • (Mark) No!

  • Awards matter. Leo ate raw meat.

  • He deserves to win!

  • Well, quality can matter, but really,

  • you've got to campaign.

  • Studios do all sorts of things now

  • to get attention from voters.

  • They have concerts, trips to Vegas.

  • Nominees will even come to your house now.

  • Look, spending money doesn't guarantee you're gonna win,

  • but if you want to have a chance, you'd better campaign.

  • That's so disappointing.

  • Sorry. It's true.

  • Oh, my gosh.

  • Adam, please hide me.

  • Here comes Anne Hathaway. She's relentless.

  • Sure. Sorry.

  • Come on, let's go, let's go!

  • Look, I want my show to win an award, too,

  • so I gotta play the game like everybody else.

  • That's why this year, I'm giving every voter

  • a tub of my custom hair gel and a book

  • of my favorite graphs, called "Graphs"!

  • You'll have fun with that.

  • So what's the point?

  • All the movies and TV shows that I love are secretly horrible?

  • Oh, no, the ones that get nominated

  • are still pretty good, but when it comes

  • to who wins, money talks.

  • I'd like to thank the Academy for accepting me

Live from the most cost effective theatre

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