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  • We're really awkward assassins.

  • We mostly care about fashion.

  • Selena looks like an infant.

  • Should we be letting her do stunts?

  • Goo.

  • Hey! Okay! Here's the facts, you broke your back.

  • That's right. In the future we have doctors who can rap.

  • And I got a PhD from MIT and several shiny plaques. Hey!

  • Lena Dunham, that's my stogie, give it back.

  • I don't mean to criticize you, just like to notify you,

  • that if you don't gain muscle tone or meat on your bones

  • we'll have to fire you. We need assassins with a passion

  • for jackin' people up. Not a bunch of skinny white chicks

  • who keep fixing their makeup. Ah!

  • Oh, promoting gun violence while batting my eyelids

  • is my new jam!

  • We're a division of Revlon.

  • We test makeup and weapons.

  • And I'm besties with Dunham,

  • who likes to show her tattooed buns.

  • Please put your pants back on.

  • We have rules here at Revlon.

  • Hey, there's Ellie Goulding.

  • She should look where she's shooting.

  • Duck! Remember when you bought this stupid whip?

  • Uh-huh. And I advised you not to purchase it.

  • 'Cause it don't matter if it's see-through if they can still see you.

  • Take it back to the invisible dealership and ask for a redo.

  • We just look like we are floating in a sitting position

  • and the check engine light is on, check the invisi-transmission.

  • 'Cause an invisible car's no place for Kendrick Lamar.

  • So let me out of it, please. Don't tell me you lost the invisible keys!

  • Damn! My voice is grating,

  • shrill and irritating just like two seals mating.

  • I'm an eighty pound badass,

  • so don't mess with my flat ass.

  • You know I could've played Katniss.

  • I'm a much better actress.

  • I love feuding and trash talk.

  • I'm a skinny white Tupac.

  • Why did you clone Jerry Seinfeld?

  • I said to clone Hailee Steinfeld. God! ♪

  • - What am I, chopped liver? - How do you think I feel?

  • - I'm the guy standing next to chopped liver! - You two are very funny.

  • - Let's go get some coffee. - We'll take my car.

  • ♪ I sound like a country bumpkin

  • with pop-bubble-gum-production.

  • Pardon this hick interruption.

  • That's Mariska Hargitay and Grey's Anatomy. Weird.

  • The whole-wide-world is my high school.

  • I determine who is cool.

  • I'm the prom queen, you're the tool.

  • And you're not invited to my pool!

  • Now let's walk in slow motion.

  • We don't feel the explosions.

  • This is a basic bitch anthem.

  • A battle cry for the dumb dumbs.

  • Selena, you'd better beware.

  • Are those your friends from daycare?

  • You're gonna wish we never fought.

  • I'll drop you right on your soft spot! ♪

  • Oww! She hit me! Why?

  • The Key of Awesome.

  • Hey everybody. Thanks for watching The Key of Awesome number 99.

  • Oh my God. I can't believe we're almost to 100.

  • I just want to thank everybody who worked their ass off on this one

  • because it was real pain in the ass to make. And if you want to see all of the other Key of Awesomes,

  • click in the link in the description below. - Check on my channel.

  • - You don't have a channel. - Yes I do. It's all fish pranks and seahorse reviews.

  • - Uh-huh, with the clam. - Would you just please stop yelling in my ear?

  • - Why do you hate me so much? More, more, more.. - You know what?

  • - No, no, no, no, no. More, more, more, more. - You asked for it.

  • Subscribe.

We're really awkward assassins.

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