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  • Oh, God damn it!

  • Hello! Welcome home, Nick.

  • Your new home update is ready for viewing.

  • Are you serious?

  • I just got used to the way you had it before.

  • Just let me know when you're ready to begin the tour.

  • Okay.

  • As you can see, we've made some changes to improve the functionality of your living room environment.

  • Wait... no! Where's the other half of my couch?

  • - What is this chair thing? I don't... - We've decreased the size of your Television to make room for your new Bookcase.

  • No, I had a 60-inch TV! What? Can we just put the...

  • Just let me know when you're ready to move on.

  • Okay.

  • Check out your new bedroom.

  • We've consolidated your Photos and Music into one convenient location.

  • Hohoho... Dude, you didn't say you were so chubby in high school.

  • Man, do you listen to anything besides Top 40?

  • How did you guys get in here?

  • Friends and Friends of Friends now have better access to you through your new Privacy Door.

  • No! I said in the last update that I didn't want anybody in here.

  • Get out! Now!

  • I haven't talked to you in six years.

  • And I don't know who you are.

  • Would you stop resetting my privacy settings every time?

  • I see you've found your new Privacy Window.

  • It allows for anyone on Earth to see what you're up to.

  • Whenever they want!

  • No! I said I don't want anything like this!

  • Would you please...

  • Just let me know when you're ready to move on.

  • Finally, we've combined your dining room and social media center.

  • Now it's way easier for your friends to keep you in the know.

  • Nick! Hi! Can you come to my birthday party?

  • Nick! Would you vote for my brother in his contests?

  • Nick! Would you come to my improv show tonight?

  • No! I'm not going to any of those.

  • No!

  • Stop it!

  • Is this tour done? Because I'm getting sick of all these.

  • What is that thing in my kitchen?

  • We've taken your cat and replaced it with a dog.

  • No!

  • No!!!

  • We've also changed your walls around.

  • These are just ads! What?!!

  • If you look here...

  • No! We're ending the tour.

  • Okay.

  • Motherfxxx...

Oh, God damn it!

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