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  • A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK-- AND YOU PROBABLY THINK THIS, TOO-- THAT

  • FROM 11:30 TOW 12:30, THE "LATE SHOW" IS ON.

  • THAT'S NOT TRUE.

  • COMMERCIALS ARE ON.

  • WE'RE HERE TO PROVIDE FILLER BETWEEN THE ADS.

  • I'M PROUD OF THAT ASSOCIATION, BECAUSE ADVERTISING HAS

  • PROFOUNDLY CHANGED THE WORLD.

  • FOR INSTANCE, BEFORE ADVERTISING, IF YOU TRIED TO BUY

  • INSURANCE FROM A DUCK, THEY WOULD THINK YOU WERE INSANE.

  • THAT IS WHY I'M EXCITED TO SEE MY FELLOW CELEBRITY, MATTHEW

  • McCONAUGHEY, REALLY EMBRACE ADVERTISING.

  • WE'VE ALL ENJOYED WHATEVER HE'S TALKING ABOUT IN THOSE LINCOLN

  • ADS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) HE REALLY SHOULD TURN THE AIR

  • CONDITIONING ON IN THAT CAR.

  • AND NOW, McCONAUGHEY HAS SIGNED ON AS CREATIVE DIRECTOR FOR WILD

  • TURKEY BOURBON.

  • AND IN ADDITION TO APPEARING ON CAMERA, HE WILL WRITE AND DIRECT

  • THE SPOTS.

  • AND HE'S ALSO RECORDING MUSIC FOR THE CAMPAIGN.

  • OKAY, MUSIC.

  • SO I HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR WHISKEY WITH A CHASER OF THREE-MINUTE

  • BONGO SOLO.

  • ( BONGOS ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • ( PIANO ) >> Stephen: I COULD GO FOR

  • SOME WILD TURKEY RIGHT NOW.

  • PART OF THE REASON THEY HIRED McCONAUGHEY IS THAT HE KNOWS HOW

  • TO REACH THEIR CORE DEMO.

  • HE SAID HIMSELF, "MILLENNIALS, AND I KNOW THIS FOR A FACT, CAN

  • SMELL SOLICITATION."

  • OKAY, MATT, THAT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN SOLICITING

  • MILLENIALS.

  • NOT COOL, ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE DOING IT IN A WAY THAT THEY CAN

  • SMELL.

  • BUT I INTERRUPTED MYSELF READING YOUR THEORY OF MILLENIALS AND

  • SOLICITATION.

  • "WILD TURKEY HASN'T CHANGED IN ALL THESE YEARS.

  • IT'S TOTALLY AUTHENTIC, AND THAT APPEALS TO MILLENNIALS."

  • HE'S RIGHT.

  • MILLENNIALS CRAVE AUTHENTICITY, ALMOST AS MUCH AS THEY CRAVE

  • COMMERCIALS.

  • WELL, I WILL NOT BE OUT-AUTHENTICKED, EVEN IF I HAVE

  • TO FAKE IT.

  • SO MATTHEW IS PROMOTING WILD TURKEY, SO I HAVE SINGED ON TO

  • WRITE, DIRECT, KEY GRIP, INTERN FOR, AND CRAFT SERVICE MY OWN AD

  • CAMPAIGN FOR SAVAGE COCK, 190-PROOF GRAIN ALCOHOL.

  • YEAH!

  • ( APPLAUSE ) YOU ALL DOWN WITH THE COCK?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) IT TAKES A LOOK.

  • Y OH, HEY.

  • IF WE MILLENNIALLS HATE ANYTHING, IT'S SOLICITATION.

  • WE DON'T TAKE KINDLY TO BEING TOLD WHAT TO BUY AND WHO TO BUY

  • IT FROM.

  • IT'S WHY WE WEAR CLOTHES THAT LOOK LIKE THEY WERE STOLEN FROM

  • THE GRAVE OF AN IRISH IMMIGRANT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AND THAT'S WHY WE DRINK SAVAGE

  • COCK, 190-PROOF GRAIN ALCOHOL BECAUSE SAVAGE COCK REFUSES TO

  • PANDER TO US WITH THINGS LIKE SMOOTH FLAVOR AND POTABILITY.

  • MMM, HASHTAG #ORGANDAMAGE.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) JUST LIKE YOU, SAVAGE COCK HAS

  • NEVER WATERED ITSELF DOWN FOR MASS APPEAL.

  • IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THE DRINK OF AMERICAN REBELS AND TASTEMAKERS.

  • THAT'S WHAT DAVY CROCKETT DRANK, RIGHT BEFORE STICKING HIS HEAD

  • UP THAT RACCOON'S BUTT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) THOSE REBELS WERE JUST LIKE YOU:

  • THEY DIDN'T CARE WHETHER DRINKING SAVAGE COCK WAS COOL OR

  • VIRAL OR ADVISABLE.

  • SO HOIST A GLASS, MY FELLOW '90s KIDS, TO AUTHENTICITY, TO

  • REALNESS, AND NOT FALLING FOR ANY CHEAP ADVERTISING GIMMICKS.

  • BUT DON'T JUST TAKE IT FROM ME.

  • LISTEN TO THE TALKING TOILET, PARTY MOUTH.

  • >> SURF'S UP, KIDS!

  • SAVAGE COCK IS DOPE!

  • >> Stephen: OH, PARTY MOUTH!

  • OH, PARTY MOUTH!

  • YOU ARE trending.com!

  • SO NEXT TIME YOU TAKE AN AUTHENTIC INSTASELFIE, WHIP OUT

  • YOUR SAVAGE COCK, 190-PROOF GRAIN ALCOHOL!

  • >> PLEASE ENJOY RESPONSIBLY!

A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK-- AND YOU PROBABLY THINK THIS, TOO-- THAT

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