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  • [*singing low notes of game's theme song*] Buhh, buhh, buhh, buhh--

  • [W-PSHH!]

  • TOP O' THE MORNING TO YA, LADDIES!

  • My name is Jacksepticeye, and welcome to "Papers, Please!"

  • [*in-game garbled foreign language*]

  • [cheerfully] Next, please!

  • Move it along!

  • Hello, little lady!

  • Look at yer little head~

  • [*scanner beeping*] Your weight is different...

  • Did you take a poop before you got here?

  • Um... We're gonna have a "Denied,"

  • and we're gonna have a reason,

  • [threateningly] and we're gonna say get the fuck out of my line.

  • [cheerily] Ah-buh-bye~!

  • [*in-game foreign language as transition*]

  • I can do all this shit now!

  • [*erratic button pressing/beeping/clacking*]

  • [*in-game foreign language transition*]

  • [Robotically] Matching.

  • [more robotically] Matching.

  • [even more robotically] Matching~

  • [robotic] Ohh. Numbers. Matching.

  • So good.

  • [*buzzing*] Feels good~

  • [*in-game language transition*]

  • [*voicing guard character*] "I fought in Kolechia for 5 years."

  • "You think this is bad?"

  • "In Arstotzka, is 10 times worse than Kolechia."

  • [*unfitting circus music intensifies + screams*] "Do not blame them for coming here..."

  • [*music ends abruptly*] "Anyways you are doing well, keep it up."

  • [normally] Thanks, bro!

  • Brofist!

  • ...He brofisted me before he left.

  • You couldn't see it because it's all pixelated.

  • [*in-game language transition*]

  • Everybody go home,

  • I have to go back to my wife and kids!

  • [*Struggles to get into the rubbish bin*]

  • [*metallic clatter*]

  • Everybody gets medicine,

  • everybody gets heat and food,

  • Ohh, it's like fuckin' krizzity-Christmas up in here!!

  • [*in-game language transition*]

  • [fearfully] Ohhh, gawd...

  • [nervously] Good morning, Inspector...

  • [*as Inspector*] "I just have a few questions for you."

  • Okay...

  • [very quietly] I'm scared...

  • [*paper rustling*] "Have you seen anything like this?"

  • *Moment of guilt*

  • AHH!

  • [*ceramic shattering*] FUCK!

  • NO!

  • Uhh, NO! [*paper crinkling*]

  • [*buzzer*] DETAINED!!

  • [*in-game language transition*]

  • [cutely] Hello, little potato man~!

  • [normally] Oh, you're the one that always causes trouble

  • You've, like, fake tickets, don'tcha?

  • See? He's like, "I wanna get in,"

  • but he doesn't even have any fucking documents.

  • [*grate clangs*] WHOA!

  • [*buzzer sirens*] What happened?!

  • NO!! Get back!

  • [frantic] H-He tried to jump the border, you can't do that,

  • You have to go through the checkpoint--

  • DUDE!!

  • NO!

  • [*guns firing*]

  • He got shot--

  • [*explosion*] NOO!!

  • [*potatoes, french fries, and potato chips plopping down*]

  • [mournfully] 'Tato bro...

  • You were always my favorite!

  • [♪"Papers, Please" main theme ♪]

  • [in Slavic accent] GLOOORY TO ARSTOTZKA!!

  • GREATEST COUNTRY...!

  • MAKE US PROOOOUD!!

[*singing low notes of game's theme song*] Buhh, buhh, buhh, buhh--

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