LIKE.

AND IT'S ART.

AND I MEAN ALL KINDS OF ART.

CLASSICAL, RENAISSANCE, ALFREDO.

IN FACT, I CONSIDER MYSELF SOMETHING OF AN ART COLLECTOR.

HAVE I A WHOLE PAN TREE FULL OF WARHOLS.

SO OF COURSE I WAS VERY INTERESTED TO HEAR THE HUGE NEWS

FROM THE ART WORLD THIS WEEK.

MOD MODIGLIANI PAINTING RECLINING NUDE SOLD FOR 170

MILLION AT YISIES, THAT MAY SEEM LIKE A LOT BUT REMEMBER, IT

COMES WITH THE FRAME.

THAT'S WHERE THEY GET YOU.

RECLINING NUDE IS CONSIDERED ONE OF MODIGLIANI'S FINEST WORKS AND

IS OFTEN REFERRED TO BY ITS FRENCH TITLE "NEW COOCHIE" I'M

GOING TO SAY, NOT SURE IF I CAN SAY THAT ON CBS.

NOT EVEN SURE I CAN SHOW THE PAINTING BECAUSE BLOOMBERG TV

COULDN'T.

>> CHINESE BILL YR LU YIGIAN PURCHASED MODIGLIANI NU COUCHE

WHICH IS NUDE LYING DOWN FOR A RECORD-BREAKING $170 MILLION.

>> WE HAD TO BLUR THE MODIGLIANI.

>> WE DIDN'T SHOW THE WHOLE PICTURE.

>> IT WAS TOO RACY.

>> Stephen: YES, TOO RACY.

THEY BLURD THE PORTRAIT WHICH IS A HUGE RELIEF BECAUSE FOR JUST

ONE MOMENT I THOUGHT SOMEONE HAD ACTUALLY SMUJED IT.

OH, I'M SO SORRY, IT'S CROWDED HERE IN CHRISTIES AND I BRUSHED

UP AGAINST YOUR PAINTING.

HOW MUCH DO I OWE YOU.

OH MY GOD!

WELL, THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME THE NEWS HAS DETITILLATED ART.

BECAUSE EARLIER THIS YEAR WHEN A PICASSO SOLD FOR A WORLD RECORD

$180 MILLION, IT WAS REPORTED ON THE NEWS LIKE THIS.

NOW I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHY THEY DID THAT BECAUSE HERE IT IS

UNBLURRED.

AND IT'S STILL HARD TO TELL WHERE THE NAUGHTY PARTS ARE.

SO LET'S TRY TO COUNT HERE, LET'S SEE, TWO OVER THERE ONE,

TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE-- THERE'S LIKE EIGHT AND A HALF BOOBS IN

THERE.

BUT SEEING JOURNALIST COVER A FINE ART LIKE THIS BRINGS UP ALL

SORTS OF INTERESTING QUESTIONS.

LIKE WHAT IS ART?

WHERE DO WE DRAW THE LINE BETWEEN ART AND PORNOGRAPHY.

AND WHAT IF THAT LINE LOOKS LIKE A BUTT CRACK, RIGHT THERE.

WHY DIDN'T THE NEWS BLUR THIS?

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, WHAT CAN I GET AWAY WITH SLOWING ON CBS?

FOR EXAMPLE, EVERYTHING I'M ABOUT TO TELL SU TRUE.

THE NETWORK CENSORS SAID I CANNOT SHOI THE FULL MODIGLIANI.

AS YOU CAN SEE, I HAVE TO BLUR BOTH HOOTIE AND THE BLOWFISH.

(LAUGHTER) YOU SEE THE-- THE WHOLE THING,

SEE THE WHOLE THING, YOU HAVE TO HAVE 170 MILLION DOLLARS OR THE

INTERNET.

ON THE OTHER HAND, THE NETWORK SAYS CAN I SHOW YOU BOTTICELLI'S

BIRTH OF VENUS.

LOOK AT THAT, FULLY SHUCKED ON THE HALF SHELL.

THOSE FOLKS ON THE SIDE ARE THE 159 CENTURY CENSORS TRYING TO

COVER HER UP.

CBS EVEN SAID WE COULD AIR RAW UNCENSORED GEORGIA O'KEEFFE.

WOW, THAT IS CLEARLY THE SEX ORGANS OF A FLOWER AND IF THERE

IS YOUNG ORCHID IN THE ROOM WATCHING WITH YOU RIGHT NOW,

PLEASE, COVER THEIR STAMEN.

NOW AGAIN, THIS NEXT, THE RULES GET TRICKY WHEN IT COMES TO

MICHELANGELO'S ICONIC STATUE OF THE DAVID WHICH WILL YOU NOTICE

I'M NOT SHOWING YOU YET.

THAT IS BECAUSE I'M ALLOWED TO DISPLAY ONLY A DISTANT PICTURE

OF THE DAVID FOR, AND THIS IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE, A TOTAL OF TWO

SECONDS, SO BRAIS YOURSELVES FOR SOME FULL FRONTDAL CULTURE.

ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, ART.

ONE PENISSIPPI, TWO PENISSIPPI GONE.

(APPLAUSE) YAZ CRAZY!

WE ARE.

I JUST HOPE TO GOD NO ONE EVER INVENTS A WAY TO PAUSE

TELEVISION.

(LAUGHTER) WHAT WILL IT DO TO THE CHILDREN.

BY THE WAY, I KNOW THE STATUE OF THE DAVID HAS A BARE SLINGSHOT

BUT YOU'RE NOT MISSING MUCH.

LET'S JUST SAY IT WAS PRETTY COLD IN 16th CENTURY

FLORENCE.

ANYWAY, ALL THIS SEEMS SO ARBITRARY-- ARBITRARY, BUT MOST

ARBITRARY OF ALL, I'M APPARENTLY NOT ALLOWED TO SHOW YOU THIS

FOLLOWING THING, OKAY.

LET'S TAKE ONE SECRETARY HERE.

OKAY.

HERE WE GO.

ALL RIGHT.

I'M NOT ALLOWED TO SHOW YOU THIS DRAWING I'M ABOUT TO MAKE OF TWO

FEMALE BREASTS.

HERE WE GO.

(LAUGHTER) OKAY.

THEY HAVE TO BE BLURRED, ALL RIGHT?

UNLESS I REVEAL THAT THEY ARE REALLY JUST THE EYES OF A

SMILING MAN.

LOOK HOW HAPPY HE IS.

(APPLAUSE) AND WHY IS HE SO HAPPY?

BECAUSE HIS EYES ARE MADE OF BREASTS.

(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)

SO UNTIL ALL THIS CONTROVERSY OVER WHAT IS TOO RACY TO BE

CONSIDERED ART IS SETTLED, I SHOULD PROBABLY JUST STAY SAFE

AND STICK WITH WHAT IS ALLOWED ON NETWORK TV.

POLICE PROCEDURALS WHERE THEY STACK UP DEAD HOOKERS LIKE CORD