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  • -It's a beach, not a bitch, bitch.

  • -Sheesh, Mister.

  • Aren't you going to do anything?

  • -Why?

  • What's the point?

  • Violence never solves anything.

  • Plus, confrontation makes me urinate.

  • -No, it doesn't.

  • -Yes, it does.

  • -No, it doesn't.

  • -Yes, it does.

  • -My take is, sometimes you just gotta fight.

  • -But why?

  • Dr. King, Gandhi, Mandela, Mother Teresa, Nelson Eddy,

  • the Dalai Lama, Mohammad, Ralph Abernathy.

  • I mean, these are examples of inspiring people who didn't

  • believe in violence.

  • -I bet you don't believe in the death penalty either.

  • -Yes.

  • It's cruel.

  • And a life sentence in jail costs more.

  • -So rapists and murderers deserve three hot meals a day?

  • -Oh my god.

  • You know what?

  • I disagree with you so much, but your

  • passion is killing me.

  • I don't know whether to rip your head off or

  • make love to you.

  • -(WHISPERING) Guns don't kill people.

  • People kill people.

  • (WHISPERING) But mommies are people.

  • People with children.

  • Busy with children, and--

  • BIG JOCK (OFFSCREEN): Bitch.

  • -Man's natural state is violence.

  • -Hello, evolve.

  • We have to rise above our baser instincts.

  • We're intelligent beings, for god's sake.

  • You want higher beings, go toke a doob.

  • My name's Cheryl, by the way.

  • -I'm David.

  • Nnnghh!

  • -Oh!

  • [ALARM BUZZES]

  • -And furthermore, perhaps you've heard of a little event

  • called 9/11.

  • What the world needs now is tough

  • guys, not hippy percents.

  • [COUGH]

  • -Excuse me for being old-fashioned, but I believe

  • in love, not war.

  • -[COUGH]

  • -I believe in the power of peace--

  • -[CHOKE]

  • -And nonviolent protest.

  • [COUGH]

  • -We should have used sanctions in Iraq.

  • -So--

  • [INAUDIBLE]

  • -[CHOKE]

  • [COUGH]

  • -What's the matter, baby?

  • Help me smoke this lid of grass.

  • It's really good.

  • -[CHOKING]

  • -[WOLF WHISTLE]

  • -Yeahhh.

  • -[WHISTLE]

  • -What about John Lennon?

  • Harriet Tubman?

  • Rosa Parks?

  • -Shhh.

  • Those guys don't work here.

  • -I know they don't work here.

  • They're famous historical figures who've advocated--

  • -No.

  • Those yard guys, Those poor-looking immigrant types

  • over there.

  • I've never seen them here before.

  • -I'm sure they're fine.

  • I mean--

  • ORTEZ (OFFSCREEN, IN LATIN ACCENT): I don't mind getting

  • my hands dirty for the right price.

  • My name is Ortez.

  • The boss.

  • And my employees and I are here to make sure your bush

  • gets well trimmed.

  • It's time to fertilize the flower bed so the nitrates can

  • be absorbed.

  • -Ngh!

  • -Ah!

  • -Ah!

  • -Aaah!

  • Guess it's time to gas up my penis to mow into your mouth.

  • -Jefe.

  • [SPEAKING SPANISH]

  • [WINDCHIMES]

  • FEMALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Who wants treats, kids?

  • Ice cream for you, cookies for you, and for my son David, you

  • get some ketchup because you're a sissy.

  • [THUNDERCLAP]

  • [DISSONANT PIANO KEYS]

  • [DEATH METAL MUSIC PLAYS]

  • -Huh!

  • Huh!

  • Huh!

  • Huh!

  • Ha-jah!

  • Huh!

  • -Oh, mi ear-o!

  • -Hnh!

  • Huh!

  • -Ahhh.

  • -You!

  • -[SCREAMS IN AGONY]

  • [SCREAMS IN HORROR]

  • -Aggghhngh!

  • [EVIL LAUGH]

  • -What do you think about this, huh?

  • BIG JOCK (OFFSCREEN): It's a beach, not a bitch, bitch.

-It's a beach, not a bitch, bitch.

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