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  • [children chanting] Pork E.! Pork E.! Pork E.!

  • Pork E.! Pork E.! Pork E.! Pork E.!

  • [techno music]

  • [music stops, stutters]

  • - No.

  • Damn it, Mads, you're jamming my flow.

  • I told you to go around during showtime.

  • - Sorry.

  • - [sighs]

  • [techno music resumes]

  • - Put on your pee pants, pants,

  • because things are about to get crazy.

  • It's the moment you've all been waiting for.

  • It's the performance of a lifetime.

  • It comes every third hour on the hour.

  • The king of quills.

  • The prince of prick.

  • Mr. Pork E. Pine!

  • [children chanting] Pork E.!

  • [children cheering]

  • [wacky music playing]

  • - [high-pitched singing] Hey it's Pork E. time

  • Hey its Pork E. time

  • Pork E. time

  • [playful music]

  • - [man singing] This is America

  • Land of dreams

  • Everyone can climb higher

  • - [women singing] No you know you're stuck here

  • 'Cause you're a part-timer yeah

  • - [man singing] You can do anything

  • - [woman singing] As long as it's not hard

  • - [man singing] And you can go anywhere

  • - [woman singing] As soon as you get a car

  • - [man singing] You're gonna be a huge success

  • - [woman singing] Come on that's not who you are

  • - [man singing] You're a part-timer cursed

  • With full-time dreams

  • And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems

  • Bad as it seems

  • What the [bleep] are you doing here?

  • Whoa

  • What the [bleep] are you doing here?

  • Oh

  • Seriously, dude? - Like, what the [bleep]?

  • [wacky music playing]

  • - Excuse me?

  • I work in TV,

  • and I want to talk to someone about Pork E.

  • Do you know who's in charge here?

  • - This guy.

  • Well, technically, it's that guy.

  • [wacky music continues]

  • - Thank you.

  • - [high-pitched singing] Pork E. Pine

  • - Guys, we're gonna be on a TV commercial!

  • - Wow! - [laughs]

  • - And Ian is gonna star as the face of childhood obesity.

  • - Oh, because he looks like a fat child.

  • - No.

  • Because Pork E. may be portly,

  • but he can still dance.

  • And that is what childhood obesity is all about.

  • - What are the rest of us doing for the commercial?

  • - [scoffs]

  • - Oh, nothing.

  • Ian is the only one in the commercial.

  • Did I not make that clear?

  • - He does look like a fat child.

  • - Guys, we can all watch it on TV together.

  • - Hey. Can a fat child do this?

  • [scatting]

  • Can a fat child do this?

  • Whoa--aah!

  • [crashes] Ow!

  • [lively music]

  • - No, no, no. What happened to your leg?

  • - They said if I put any more pressure on it,

  • it'll snap like a twig.

  • Dude, I had to borrow this scooter from my Nana

  • in exchange for taking her to water aerobics for a month.

  • - This is a huge opportunity for us.

  • Don't you understand, man?

  • Thousands of dollars in free advertising.

  • - I understand, but I can't dance, man.

  • - [sighs]

  • [techno music playing]

  • Then you'll teach someone who can.

  • - Forget it.

  • Every time they go near that suit,

  • Ian leaves a single piece of poop in my locker.

  • - That was just one little nug.

  • And I warned you: no one touches the suit.

  • - That nug stunk for weeks

  • and ruined my limited edition Bono AIDS iPod.

  • - Okay, no one who likes Bono deserves the suit.

  • - Ian, if we get the pork man on TV,

  • he'll be a celebrity, and that means you'll be a celebrity.

  • - Okay, fine.

  • But I'm not gonna take it easy on him.

  • When he's dancing, he's representing me.

  • - All right.

  • Dinger?

  • - I'll do it.

  • I'll do it for Nana's scooter.

  • [chuckles]

  • - Yes! Going to Hollywood, guys.

  • [wheels squeaking]

  • - Wrong. Wrong.

  • You can't put on the suit until your body is prepped and lubed.

  • - Whatever, dude.

  • - Oh, you think this is funny?

  • Do you think these are funny?

  • [dramatic music]

  • - Oh, God. - Yeah.

  • What are you gonna do when your nipples start to sweat?

  • And that sweat turns into salt crystals,

  • which then turns into little tiny razor blades...

  • - No. - That shred your soft,

  • sweet nipple meat.

  • Don't even get me started on

  • what's gonna happen to your thighs.

  • Now let's get you lubed up.

  • Oh, Jesus, Dinger.

  • Really?

  • [lively music]

  • - Hey, girl, I'm covering the prize booth, and--

  • [funky music]

  • Ooh. I'll figure it out.

  • - Is it supposed to feel so good?

  • - Can you please just not say that while I'm down here?

  • - Yeah.

  • (Prize Booth Guide) (-Look super good -Never give out the big prizes--unless they share -Don't let Pete touch anything.)

  • - Hey, Ding--or--

  • Hi, Lori. You're working prizes now?

  • - Just like I did in '96.

  • Dinger makes this out to be rocket science,

  • but it's just counting tickets and handing out toys.

  • - What do I get for this?

  • - Oh, well, let's see what you got.

  • All right, one...two...

  • - I want a stretchy hand and I want it now.

  • - As soon as I'm done counting.

  • - My parents are in the car, so let's not keep 'em waiting.

  • Huh, toots?

  • [dramatic music] - I want it all!

  • - You will give this place the respect it deserves.

  • Mads.

  • - It's mine!

  • [all screaming]

  • [dramatic music swells]

  • [watch beeps]

  • - Workout gear! What do you think?

  • - Are those Ella's shorts?

  • Dude, you shouldn't go through other peoples' lockers.

  • That's not cool. - Oh, it's cool to crap in 'em?

  • Come on, man, just give me the suit.

  • Hey. Hey!

  • - You don't get to wear the suit

  • until you can handle wearing the suit.

  • - Just gonna grab this-- - No.

  • - Aah.

  • - Your training...starts now.

  • [intense music]

  • The suit is heavy.

  • It puts pressure on your shoulders,

  • your legs, and, sometimes after dry cleaning,

  • your junk.

  • Also...the suit is dark.

  • - [whimpers]

  • - The suit it taxing.

  • I once made it all the way to the locker room

  • before I realized I had a kid stuck in my quills.

  • Lastly, the suit is hot.

  • - Wait.

  • - Five, six, seven, eight.

  • Cross over front.

  • Cross over back.

  • Pull!

  • Now jump into a split.

  • - I can't, I-- - Jump, damn you.

  • [intense music continues]

  • I might have taken this a bit too far.

  • - No, this is for television, man.

  • - You're right. Ten more minutes.

  • [scary music] - Where are their parents?

  • - I thought you've done this before.

  • - Hey, what's up, guys?

  • - Watch out, Pete, they can smell fear!

  • - It's already too late! Aah!

  • - Hand over the helicopter and no one else gets hurt.

  • - Never. - Aah!

  • - For the 100th time,

  • cross over front...

  • Jump kick right.

  • And jump into a split.

  • - I...I can't.

  • - I said jump!

  • - I don't think I can do it!

  • - Jump split, damn you!

  • - [whines]

  • - Congratulations.

  • You're ready.

  • - [exhales weakly]

  • [dramatic music] [children clamoring]

  • - Ow! Oh, my God.

  • - I got a plan. Cover me.

  • I said cover me!

  • [children shouting]

  • Hey, hey, hey!

  • This what y'all want? Huh? Huh?

  • - Yeah.

  • - Come on, get it. Come on.

  • [children screaming]

  • [dramatic music]

  • - Hey, you can't lock us in here.

  • - You got an iPhone. Text your parents.

  • - What's your Wi-Fi password?

  • - [sighs] -(Closed for Filming)

  • - Action.

  • Action.

  • Action. - That's my chair.

  • - Oh. Oh, yeah, sorry.

  • Uh, you just have a trailer I can just hang out in?

  • - Yeah.

  • - Where is it?

  • - I can't do this.

  • - Hey. - [muffled scream]

  • - Listen, listen.

  • You're gonna nail it,

  • Pork E .'s gonna be famous,

  • and Nana's never gonna see this scooter again.

  • Got it? - Okay.

  • - Places, please. - Go.

  • Hey, no, no. This way, this way, this way.

  • - I wish I was back in the trunk.

  • - Go.

  • - And action.

  • - Action. That's an action.

  • [wacky music playing]

  • - Come on, Dinger, come on.

  • - [high-pitched singing] Hey it's Pork E. time

  • [wacky music continues]

  • - [grunts]

  • - What is he doing?

  • - [grunting]

  • - I think he's-- - Is he?

  • - No.

  • - I just pooped in your suit!

  • - What? - You mother[bleep]!

  • Ow! - It's just a nug.

  • Oh, wait.

  • He might have a friend.

  • [grunting]

  • - I'm gonna kill you!

  • - The second one was for Bono!

  • Whoo.

  • Yeah!

  • - No, no, no.

  • [wheels squeaking] Aah!

  • - Whoo! - Dinger!

  • Aah!

  • - We can just fix that in post, right?

  • [upbeat music]

[children chanting] Pork E.! Pork E.! Pork E.!

Subtitles and vocabulary

Operation of videos Adjust the video here to display the subtitles

B2 US pork music suit wacky dinger dramatic music

WE’RE GONNA BE ON TV! (Part Timers #2)

  • 485 7
    Steven posted on 2016/04/27