Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles [Audio Length: 0:34:07] RECORDING COMMENCES: Evan Carmichael: He's an American motivational speaker, personal finance instructor and self-help author. He became well known from his infomercials and self-help books. In 2013, Forbes estimated his net worth at 480 million dollars. He's Tony Robbins, and here are his Top Ten Rules For Success. Tony Robbins: Ultimately, if you're going to have lasting change in anything, you're really talking about just raising your standards. I mean, I always tell people; if you want to know how to change your life, I'll give it to you in three words, boring as it sounds, "raise your standards." Now, what does that mean, corny as it sounds, "raise your standards"? "Well, thank you for the breakthrough thought, Tony. I'm glad I wasted my time watching this little email with you." Think about it. Lasting change is different than a goal. You don't always get your goals, but you always get your standards. Maybe what'll help you is to think about it this way. I try to explain standards to people with a different set of words. Think of it as everybody in life gets their "musts." They don't get their "shoulds." Think about it. Most people have a list of "shoulds"; don't they? Don't you have a list of "shoulds," things you should do, you should follow through on? "I should lose some weight." "I should work out more." "I should make more calls." "I should respond more rapidly to my email," whatever. "I should get into the office earlier." "I should be more confident." Whatever your "should" list, people love to have their "should" list be met, but it's like New Year's resolutions. If it does, it's really exciting. If it doesn't, which is most of the time, it's a little disappointing, but you kind of know it's not going to happen. When you decide something is a "must" for you, an absolute "must," when you cut off any possible... you say, "I'm going to find a way, or I'm going to make the way." Human beings, when they resolve things, when they make a real resolution inside themselves, which is they raise the standard and they make it a "must," they find the way. Think about it in your own life. Haven't you had some area of your life where you raised your standard, and your life has never been the same? Maybe, at one time in your life, you smoked cigarettes. Or you did something, and you did it for years. You kept trying to change it, trying to change it and kept telling yourself, "I should." Then, one day, something happened. Something just clicked you over. Something took you over that tipping point, and inside yourself, you said, "No more." That was a very, very different experience; wasn't it? Something inside of you shifted. What was a "should" became a "must," and you've never gone back. Is there an area like that in your life that you can think of? Again, did you ever smoke cigarettes? Did you ever eat a certain way, drink a certain form of alcohol and then finally say, "No more," and you just don't go back? Notice this; it doesn't really take any willpower, anymore, because somewhere, when we make this click, when we make something a "must," we attach ourselves to it. It becomes part of our identity. One thing I've learned, in the last, gosh, 33 years of work on people from, now, over 100 countries, four million people, is human beings absolutely follow through on who they believe they are. If you said to me, "Well, I'm really going to work hard to stop smoking, but I've been a smoker my whole life. I am a smoker," I know your days are numbered. You're going to be back smoking cigarettes, again, because we all act consistent with who we believe we are. I tell people the strongest force in the whole human personality is this need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves. If you define yourself as somebody who is really conservative, you're not going to be crazy and act nuts, unless you're really drunk or something. Then you can say it's the alcohol, when it's really just you finally getting permission to be yourself. The alcohol is your excuse. If you're a really crazy person, you act crazy, outrageous, playful. You don't act conservative because it's not who you are. Very often people say, "Well, I can't do that. I'm not that kind of person." I always say to people, "Really? When did you define yourself? I mean, really, how many years ago did you come up with what you could and couldn't do in your life? How many years ago?" Most people, if they really look at how they're living their life today, it's based on a set of standards, a set of beliefs that they made choices about 10, 20, 30 or more years ago. Very often, we made decisions in our youth, or very young, about what to believe, about what we were capable of, about who we are as a person, and that becomes the glass ceiling, if you will, that controls us. There is a corny metaphor, but it's true. I remember, one time, I was with my family at the circus. There was a person there, and they had this big, giant elephant. You look at this elephant. They take this little rope, put it around the elephant's neck, and they drive this stake into the ground. I mean, you look at this, and you know that elephant could rip down the entire tent with almost no effort. Yet, the elephant doesn't struggle, doesn't try. Why? Because the elephant's conditioned. They could take that elephant and condition the elephant when it's a baby elephant. That's how they train them. When it's a little baby elephant and it doesn't have the power, yet, they put a big rope around it, and they drive this huge stake in the ground. The elephant fights and fights and fights. One day, finally, that elephant decides, "I'm not capable of pulling this out." Once that becomes the definition of an identity of anyone - an elephant, in this case - they don't even try, anymore. "It's just who I am. That's how it is. That's just the way it is in my life." I'd like to ask you to take a look at any place you've got a limitation and ask yourself, "When did I decide to accept that limitation?" You may not even see it as a limitation. You might see it as, just, "That's who I am." So often, in our lives, we've adapted to be a certain way, so that we don't fail or so that people will like us or respect us. It's not necessarily who we are. Joy comes when you're spontaneous. It's really hard to be truly happy when you're not being yourself, and most of us have no clue who we are. A big part of my work - if you've ever been to event, you know - is to get people to do things spontaneously, without thinking, because that's when the real you shows up. That's when the energy comes alive. When you do that, when you start to connect your true nature, suddenly, there's energy available for you to set a higher standard for what you want in your life. That's what this is really all about. When I talk about "standards" or I talk about "shoulds" versus "musts," think about your own life. I know there have been areas in your life where, at some point in time, you just shifted. You raised the standard, and your life changed because whatever people have their identity attached to, they live. We live who we believe we are. That's just how it works. I'll give you an example. Look at your physical body. Your physical body, today, is an absolute reflection of only one thing. Not your goals, not your desires, but your standards, the identity you have for yourself. If your standard is you're an athlete, then there's a certain amount of strength, a muscle tone, an energy that's available in your body, on a regular basis, because that's who you are. You do whatever is necessary to maintain that identity. Again, the strongest force in the human personality is this need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves because if you don't know who you are, you wouldn't know how to act. Once you lock in on that identity, your brain finds a way to keep you there. If you say, "Man, I'm overweight. I've always been overweight. I'm big-boned" and that's the story you've got, then you're going to always find a way to get back there. That's your settling point. That's your identity. That's where things lock in. If you see somebody who's in really great shape, you ask them, "Do you work out?" You know the answer, "Yes." "How often?" They'll tell you, "Three times," "Four times," "Five times a week," whatever. In a seminar, I'll ask people, "Who, here, works out at least five days a week? Stand up." You look around that room, and you know that they work out five times a week because you can see their body. You don't just get a result without some kind of action, without some form of ritual; "ritual," meaning actions you do consistently. Now, do you believe those people that are out there, working out five days a week, do they have more time than you do or I have or anybody else? Of course not. Is their life less busy? Of course not. It's just a "must" for them. They must work out that way. They've made that turn, and their life changed. I'm not saying you have to work out five days a week. I'm just saying, whatever you really want, "wants" don't get met consistently; "standards" do. Whatever you identify, "This is who I am." It's not so much about changing your identity, as it is expanding it; deciding that, instead of your goal is to lose 10 pounds, which is not compelling, what if your vision was to "get back to my fighting weight"? "This year," "This month," "This next 90 days, I'm going to transform my body. I'm going to take on a new challenge. I'm going to find some technique or strategy. There's a million of them - that can reframe myself." Or, "I want to feel younger, stronger, more vibrant than ever before. Here are my reasons. I want the energy to really make my life work because it's tough out there, and I want to be stronger than I've ever been before. I want to go in front of the mirror, and if I'm naked, not want to laugh. I want to look there and take a good look, and go, 'Yeah. I'm proud of whatever I see there.'" Whatever it takes. Something is going to make you laugh, smile. Something is going to tease yourself, but something is going to move you to another level. If you identify yourself in a new way, you own that every day and that becomes the standard of how you live, you'll find a way to make that standard real. Money is the same way. Think about it. It doesn't matter what's happening "in the marketplace." People that make money find a way to make money, no matter what; don't they? I mean, most people's standard is to pay their bills, so that's what most people find a way to do. Even when economic times get tough, most people, if that's their absolute standard, they find a way. Some people's standard is to pay their bills most of the time, and so, most of the time, they do. Some people's standard is not just to pay their bills, but to take care of their family and maybe even some of their friends. They find a way. In fact, some people may be in a family where, if they don't have enough money... They barely have money to pay their bills. They worked their guts out, and then somebody - their mother, their father or somebody else, their sister - gets ill. There's not enough money to take care of it. Nobody else has money in the family. They don't, either, but they find a way to get that money and take care of their mother or father, don't they, and pay their bills. They never could do it before. Why? The situation made them raise their own standard. Not everybody does that. Somebody else in the family might have money and still not take care of their mother. It all comes down to the inner game, my friends. Changing your life is a change in the inner game. The outside world, you can't control, but you have absolute control over this one, if you learn the dynamics of what shapes you. Identity is one of those simple, clear, fundamental basics that if you start to shift it, everything else will shift in your life, as well. Somebody will, by the way, have to have more than enough money to do what they want, when they want, where they want, with whomever they want, contribute the way they want. If that's their "must," they find a way. I know that sounds overly simplistic, but it's true. Somebody once said you could take all the money in the world out of the hands of everybody, out of all the wealthy people in the world who are really successful, give it to other people. It wouldn't take too long; those people would have it back in their hands. It's not because they're manipulative. It's because they have standard. Some are manipulative. Don't get me wrong, but they have a standard of what they're going to find a way to make happen. I'm just simply saying to you, take those three magic words and live them. Raise your standard. Michael Gerber, the guy that wrote The E-Myth, talks about why so many businesses, young businesses fail. One of the things he says is most people are not really entrepreneurs, but they think that's what they should be. They think that's the sexy thing, that's the most attractive thing, that's the best answer. What I say to you is you've got to separate the vehicle from the outcome. What is it that's going to truly fulfill you? What is it that's going to give you that extraordinary life?