Good, thanks.

How am I?

I've been standing for eight hours and I'm in a terrible mood.

My dog died. [If Retail Workers Were Honest]

It looks like you erased the entire contents of your phone, but sure, I'll take responsibility.

I'm saying I need to go in the back to check for her size, but I'm really going in the back to check my Instagram.

Oh, I'm pretending like I didn't just see porn pop up on your computer.

You're super cute, I'm gonna act so professional to cover up how nervous I am.

Hello.

Hi.

This blouse looks terrible on you, but I'm a hundred dollars away from my sales goal.

Yes girl, it's fierce.

No, we're out of stock.

For the 100th time.

Oh, no price tag.

Must be free.

I've already heard that joke six times today, and it's not even my lunch break yet.

Where can you buy that obscure adapter?

I don't know, I'll Google it.

Nope.

You're misinterpreting good customer service as flirting.

Give me one moment.

Yeah?

I am watching you steal that accessory but go ahead because I'm not allowed to confront you directly.

No, you can't return that item without a receipt.

But let me go get my manager so he can tell you the exact same thing.

We're understaffed today so I'm just gonna make an excuse to head into the back.

Oh, you're great with technology.

Then why are you here?

After three years in retail, I'm the world's best fake laugher.

I haven't had a full weekend off in four months.