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  • NARRATOR: This summer, prepare for the poorly-directed

  • movie adaptation of the young adult phenomenon that isn’t about gay vampires. The Hunger

  • GamesIn a dystopian future, the rich dress like second-rate Lady Gagas in cities leftover

  • from Phantom Menace while the poor struggle for survival in unnecessary shaky camBut

  • can still somehow afford futuristic projection thingiesOne girl must choose - between

  • a short, boring, one-dimensional, worthless blonde guy and this much hotter dudeIn

  • a world where children are ripped from their families, and their parents seem oddly okay

  • with it, she will make the ultimate sacrifice.

  • KATNISS: I volunteer as tribute.

  • NARRATOR: And enter a life-or-death game where competitors

  • learn the deadly arts oflying in rafters, button pressing, playing with balls, and frosting

  • decoration.

  • PEETA: I used to decorate the cakes down at the bakery.

  • NARRATOR: What the hell is this

  • KATNISS: Peeta!

  • NARRATOR: Seriously? That is [bleep]-ing ridiculous. A

  • girl that will enthrall a nation through her stupid face, cheap -looking CGI fire, and

  • completely emotionless delivery.

  • KATNISS: How do you find shelter? Listen to them. I

  • told her that I would try to win. How will they change you?

  • NARRATOR: A film that forces two actors with no chemistry

  • to awkwardly fall in loveWhich would have been far more believable if they would have

  • cast him as Peeta. I mean, I’m not gay, but I’d totally [bleep] Gale’s [bleep]. A

  • future so advanced they can conjure fire and monster dogs but not food for the poorThe

  • ultimate game of kill or be killed, except for these kids who don’t kill each other

  • for some reason. Who Katniss will outsmart by hiding in trees, falling from trees, sleeping

  • in trees and basically being around a lot of trees.  Not starring these important parts

  • from the book: Katniss' hearing loss, the avoxes, Peeta's amputation, political and

  • social satire, the subtle nuances explaining the relationships between the districts and

  • the capitalThe inner turmoil of Katniss as she struggles to love Peeta for the sake

  • of the cameras and the actual hungerSeriously they all look very well fedThe Hunger Games.

  •  It’s basically just a rip-off of Battle Royale. Tell us what movie you'd like to see

  • as an Honest Trailer and leave a comment with the word you'd like to hear me say next time

  • want in my awesome voice.  Indubitably. Me gusta. Derp. Frabbins. Tittie sprinkles. I'm

  • a little teapot, short and stout, here is my handle, and here is my spout.

NARRATOR: This summer, prepare for the poorly-directed

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