Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • Hey, it’s Brad Browning here and I’m a marriage and breakup expert from Vancouver,

  • Canada. And in this video, I’m going to teach you how to prevent separation or divorce

  • and save your marriage. This is obviously going to be a huge topic and I’m going to

  • cover as much as I can in this video. So sit tight and be sure to watch this entire clip,

  • because I’m going to teach you things that most couples will never know about building

  • a loving marriage.

  • First of all, let me tell you who this video is for. This video is for people whose husband

  • or wife announced that theyre no longer happy in their marriage. You may have heard

  • painful things like, “I’m just not happy anymore”, “I don’t love you”, or “I’m

  • leaving you.” Or, maybe theyve already left you. No matter the case, I know how extremely

  • difficult, stressful, and heartbreaking this situation isand I know how hopeless you

  • might feel at this very moment. So I’m going to start off this long video by telling you

  • that there IS light at the end of this long tunnel. With the proper guidance, help, and

  • attitude, it is possible to turn your marriage around despite how adamant your spouse may

  • be on divorce. I know this because I’ve seen thousands of so calledhopeless

  • couples turn it aroundand I know exactly how they did it.

  • With that being said, rebuilding a broken marriage is a rocky road. Sometimes, things

  • can get a little worse before they get better, and it takes a lot of devotion on your part

  • to make things better. However, I promise you that if you watch this whole video and

  • follow my advice very closely, youll have the best chance possible of rebuilding that

  • marriage you and your spouse deserve.

  • But before I get into what TO do to save your marriage, I first need to tell you about what

  • NOT to do. The vast majority of married couples that I coach commit almost all of these very

  • damaging mistakes. And I know that some of you might be in a situation where your spouse

  • isn’t willing to work on the marriage, but in a minute, I’ll tell you why that’s

  • okay, and why it’s even more important for you to learn these common mistakes before

  • you go down the road of rebuilding a newer, happier marriage.

  • Some of this stuff you may already know, but it’s important to remember these mistakes

  • before you cause any further damage to your marriageand these are tips that will

  • have an immediate impact on your relationship.

  • I like to call these mistakes myBig Marital Mistakes”.

  • Big Marital Mistakes #1 – Initiating needless conflict with your spouse. When youre trying

  • to fix a broken marriage and youre feeling desperate, chances are things can spiral out

  • of control very easily… (and I think you know what I’m talking about). You think

  • that if you could just talk to your spouse about all your problems and find common ground,

  • your marriage will magically fix itself and get better. But usually, this isn’t the

  • case.

  • While communicating with your spouse is important in rebuilding a marriage, what your marriage

  • does NOT need right now is another argument or fight. Even if your partner says something

  • antagonizing or wants to bring up a touchy sticky issue at the moment, do your best to

  • avoid conflict politely. Don’t ignore your spouse or discount any of their concerns,

  • but you need to ensure that the discussion doesn’t end up in a screaming match. You

  • can say something along the lines of, “I know this is a real concern right now and

  • I want to resolve this issue, but can we discuss this later?”

  • Try and be as non-confrontational as possibleat least for nowuntil you learn how

  • you can manage how to handle your arguments later. I’ll get to what I call myDispute

  • Defusing Systemlater in this video. If you have any questions or concerns about this

  • common mistake, please be sure to ask questions in the comments section below. I’ll do my

  • very best to get back to you as soon as I can.

  • The secondBig Marital Mistakeis begging and pleading, or being highly emotional. Especially

  • in public. I know that when emotions are running rampant, people tend to say or do things that

  • theyll inevitably regret. I’m sure you know exactly what I’m talking about. At

  • certain times, your spouse may say or do things that will make you feel angry, upset, or saddened,

  • you must do your very best to control your emotions. Showing these negative emotions

  • will only make matters worseand unfortunately, doing so will only help you sign those divorce

  • papers even sooner. So for now, it’s extremely important to try and remain calm and live

  • to fight another day.

  • Big Marital Mistake” #3 – Making drastic changes to your life or habits. When your

  • marriage is in a rut, it can affect your life immensely. Your work or school suddenly takes

  • the back seat, and in some cases, so does your health and nutrition. But for the time

  • being, you must retain a sense of normalcy whenever possible. If you begin floundering

  • in life, then I can guarantee you that your marriage will begin floundering even more.

  • After all, nobody wants a spouse who’s always depressed, angry, or in ruins.

  • Show how confident, strong, and bold you are by showing the world that nothing can faze

  • you. By doing so, youll not only appear much more attractive to your spouse, but youll

  • also ensure that you don’t damage yourself any further.

  • Big Marital Mistake” #4 – Nagging at your spouse. This is similar to mistake #1.

  • Youll want to avoid any sort of confrontation whenever possible. It’s normal to be annoyed

  • at your spouse every once in awhilebut when your marriage is in trouble, small confrontations

  • can easily lead to larger ones, and the last thing you need at this point is another pointless

  • argument about nothing.

  • The next time your spouse does something that annoys you, hold it in. This is the time when

  • you can start fixing your marriage on your own. In my free, video presentation on my

  • website, I’ll teach you how you can change your spouse’s behavior without nagging at

  • him or her. For more information on how to do this, just go to www.MarriageGuy.com and

  • watch the free video presentation on that website. That’s www.MarriageGuy.com.

  • And finally, “Big Marital Mistake” #5 – Being negative all the time. I know it

  • might sound like a bunch of BS, but having a positive attitude can make a world of difference

  • not only in your marriage, but in life in general. It’s been scientifically proven

  • that positive thinking can reduce stress, lower depression, and better equip you to

  • cope with hardships. Not only this, but thinking positively actually makes you more of an attractive

  • person to be aroundand this has also been scientifically proven. In times of great

  • distress, like being in a rocky marriage for example, people tend to get pessimistic. After

  • all, when the love of your life starts saying hurtful things to you, it’s easy for you

  • to take all that misplaced anger quite literally. But instead of internalizing all of this into

  • negativity, force yourself to look at things differently.

  • Remember, every single marriage goes through ups and downsbut the strong couples always

  • seem to have an extremely positive attitude when handling arguments and conflict.

  • (BREAK)

  • Of course, this isn’t an exhaustive list of marital mistakes, so if you want to learn

  • more about exactly what NOT to do in your marriage, then again, just go to MarriageGuy.com

  • and watch the free video presentation on that website. Again, the URL is MarriageGuy.com.

  • Now that we have an outline on what NOT to do in your marriage, we can begin talking

  • about some of the things you can do to fix your marriage. Again, for a topic this large,

  • I won’t be able to cover every single issue or concern you might have, so if you have

  • a question youre dying to ask, please feel free to comment below and ask me a question.

  • I do a pretty good job of getting back to everyone, so please, shoot me a question in

  • the comments section below.

  • Although the list of marital problems is seemingly endless, there are several core issues that

  • all marriages face. For example, at some point in time, both spouses will disagree on an

  • issue and a discussion will take place. These serious discussions can sometimes escalate

  • into full-blown wars. I call these types of arguments MMA’s (No, this doesn’t stand

  • for Mixed Martial Arts, but sometimes these types of arguments can look like an Anderson

  • Silva bout)… what MMA actually stands for here isMarriage Murdering Arguments.”

  • MMA’s are what rip marriages apartand to be honest, MMA’s aren’t always preventable,

  • so it’s important to learn how you can handle a serious argument as well as learn how to

  • prevent them.

  • This is where my patentedDispute Defusing Systemcomes inBut before I get into

  • explaining it, I first have to say that arguments are completely normal and healthy in a relationship.

  • Youre never going to completely eliminate disagreements. In fact, the occasional argument

  • here and there can actually be quite productive, and depending on how you handle the argument,

  • it can tie you and your spouse closer together! In this section of the video, I’ll explain

  • the best way to handle your arguments with your spouse:

  • Dispute Defusing Tactic #1 – Let go of the desire to always beright”. I know, I

  • knowyou are ALWAYS right. I get it! Some people have such a strong desire to always

  • be right, but in a marriage, no one person is always right. And letting go of this constant

  • desire to always be right is the first step in my Dispute Defusing System. See, when you

  • and your spouse are in a Marriage Murdering Argument, there are no winners. You both lose

  • because neither of you are getting your way and feelings are getting hurt in the process.

  • Even if you think youve won the fight, the satisfaction is fleeting, and knowing

  • that you hurt your partner just makes the argument feel pointless.

  • Learning how to let go of the desire tobe rightis going to be a real test for some

  • of youbut here’s a quick little exercise for you. The next time youre about to get

  • into a big argument with somebody (it doesn’t have to be your spouse), try and bite your

  • tongue. Try and willingly admit that the other person is right even though you don’t feel

  • that way. I promise you that if learn to just let go of the desire to always be right, youll

  • reduce yourMMA frequencyand youll be well on your way to improving your relationship

  • with your spouse.

  • Dispute Defusing Tactic #2 – Learn to take breaks from arguments. When a huge argument

  • is simply unavoidable, you need to learn how to control its temperament so they don’t

  • turn into full-blown MMA’s. One of the best ways to do this is to take frequent breaks

  • during an argument. You can do this by telling your spouse that during the argument that

  • you’d like to take a moment to cool down before continuing the argument. Don’t simply

  • just leave and don’t ignore your spouse, just politely say that you need a moment to

  • burn off some steam.

  • One of the best practices contradicts a popularly held beliefhave you ever heard the saying,

  • The secret to a good marriage is to never go to bed angry?” Well, unfortunately I’m

  • going to have to say that that advice is a bunch of BS. Sometimes if an argument remains

  • unresolved, going to bed angry and approaching it with a fresh and rational mindset the morning

  • after is EXACTLY what it needs. Youll often find that, the next day, the argument wasn’t

  • such a big deal and youll allow the situation to blow over.

  • Dispute Defusing Tactic #3 – Learn to conduct arguments with respect. Of course, I don’t

  • need to say this but you can’t resort to name-calling during an argument. This is a

  • no brainer. But there are a few other things you can do during an argument that will make

  • them much more productive and respectful. For example, start using the word “I”

  • instead ofyouduring an argument. Say youre trying to tell your spouse that you

  • hate it when theyre constantly late for things. Instead of saying, “Youre always

  • the reason why were late,” say something along the lines of, “I think we should try

  • and do our best to leave a little earlier.” Really think about those two statements for

  • a minuteone sounds a lot less respectful than the other, doesn’t it? By making small

  • little shifts here and there, youll be able to transform the way you communicate

  • with your spouseand youll find that your spouse will start treating YOU with the

  • same level of respect in return.

  • By the way, is any of the stuff helpful? Again, if youre confused about my Dispute Defusing

  • System, feel free to ask a question in the comments section below.

  • Dispute Defusing Tactic #4 – Use humor during the argument. Now, you have to be careful

  • with this onebut injecting some well-timed humour can de-escalate or avoid a potential

  • argument quite effectively. Take the last example I usedinstead of saying something

  • like, “Youre always the reason why were late.” You could say something along the

  • lines of, “Honey, if we were any more late, we’d have to take a pregnancy test.” I

  • know, that was a pretty awful joke… I’m sorry, but you get my drift. Using humour

  • at the right time can send the right message without you looking like a complete jerk.

  • These four tactics are only just brief preview of my Dispute Defusing System. If you want

  • to learn more about my Dispute Defusing System, simply head over to MarriageGuy.com and watch

  • the free video presentation on that website.

  • Of course, learning how to handle and prevent arguments is only a small sliver of what you

  • need to learn to save your marriage. I mean, what if your marriage is in seriously dire

  • straits? What if your spouse has already announced that they want to leave you? How do you convince

  • him or her to give the marriage a second chance?

  • To answer these questions, you need to understand the core reasons why your marriage is failing

  • to begin with. Is there a key disagreement you two share? Do you lack common interests

  • and the passion has waned? Does your idea of parenthood differ greatly than you spouse’s?

  • These are issues that I simply don’t have time to fit into this video, but if you subscribe

  • to my YouTube channel, I’ll be releasing these kinds of specific videos in the coming

  • weeks. Alternatively, you can hire ME as your personal marriage coach and I can walk you

  • through the process of rebuilding your marriagefor more information on my marriage coaching

  • services, simply head over to MarriageGuy.com/coaching. Again, the URL is MarriageGuy.com/Coaching.

  • But let me go back to addressing something that I just brought upwhat if your spouse

  • already announced they wanted a separation? What if they are dead set on leaving you?

  • This is a very difficult situation that has a number of possible solutions, but there

  • are a few rules you need to follow when your spouse says that they want a divorce.

  • Rule #1 – Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT go intopanic mode”. Human beings are hard-wired

  • to feel threatened when something significant is being taken away from them. But when it

  • comes to trying to win back a spouse, hitting the panic button will often times make things

  • worse, and this erratic behavior can push your spouse further away even faster. As difficult

  • as it is at the moment, you must maintain composureeven if all you want to do is

  • cry and scream.

  • Rule #2 – Buy time. When your partner announces that he or she wants to move on, believe me,

  • they have thought it through. There’s nothing, at that point, that you can do or say to convince

  • them otherwise. So the best thing to do in this situation is to try and buy as much time

  • as possible. Why? Well, for a few reasons. For one, you allow your spouse to cool down.

  • Your spouse probably had a difficult time announcing that they wanted a divorce or separation,

  • theyre likely very emotional, and thus, now is not the time to berate them about their

  • issue. If this has already happened, that’s fine, but you need to stop the begging, plead,

  • and overemotional outbursts. Second, buying time allows you to come up with a solid plan

  • for saving your marriage. Again, marriage is a complex topic that I cover immensely

  • in my Mend The Marriage program. Mend The Marriage is a premium e-course that teaches

  • everything you need to know to rebuild your marriage from the ground up. For more information

  • about this program, just visit MarriageGuy.com.

  • Rule #3 – Tell them you understand, but youre willing to go the extra mile. You

  • must validate your spouse’s concerns. He or she thinks that there’s a serious issue

  • in your marriage and there’s no point trying to talk them out of it at this point. Tell

  • them that you understand, but youre willing to give your marriage a fair shot. They may

  • or may not disagree with you at the time, but you need to make it known that you will

  • be willing to put forth the extra effort.

  • Rule #4 – Give your spouse a little space. It may be difficult right now, but for the

  • next few days, give your spouse some breathing room. Give them some time for their emotions

  • to settle. At the same time, you also need space for your emotions to settle as well.

  • (Break)

  • Out of all of these rules, it’s important to remember rule #2. Buying time is essential

  • to saving a marriage because it allows you time to figure out how to best plan to save

  • your marriage. Again, please hit the subscribe button to get more videos over the course

  • of the next few weeks on marriage-saving topics.

  • There’s another key issue that all marriages face that I’d like to talk about in this

  • video, and that’s complacency. Yes, complacency is the deadly disease that can absolutely

  • destroy the best of marriages, and, when left uncheck, complacency can lead to divorce in

  • a matter of months. I know this because I’ve seen it happen. In between trying to manage

  • living expenses, work, stress, and maybe even children, making an effort to spend quality

  • time with your spouse can take the back seat. I mean, it’s okay every one in awhile

  • after all, life can get pretty hectic, but we simply cannot let ourselves go and we cannot

  • let ourselves forget about the most important person in our life.

  • Here are some simple actions that can take right now to make sure that complacency doesn’t

  • creep it and further destroy your marriage.

  • Complacency Killer Tip 1 - Force a meaningful conversation every once in awhile. Having

  • an open, honest, and respectful conversation on a regular basis can help us overcome a

  • lot of relationship problems. Ensure yourself that you don’t turn this conversation into

  • a touchy subjecttry and learn from each other. Ask them about topics you might not

  • have talked about… I know this may be difficult if youve been in a relationship a long

  • time, but brainstorm. There are an infinite number of things your spouse would love to

  • talk about with you.

  • Complacency Killer Tip 2 – Start being a little selfish, in the RIGHT way. This tip

  • probably sounded a bit weird, but what I’m really referring to is taking care of yourself.

  • Go to the gym, eat better, and focus on making yourself a better personNOT for your spouse,

  • but for yourself. Do it for your own reasons.

  • Complacency Killer Tip 3 – Show your love and affection. Simply saying “I love you

  • isn’t enough anymore. Instead, show your spouse how much you love them with simple

  • gestures. Show excitement when you see each other, hold hands, make eye contact, and keep

  • that spark alive. I know this one might be a little difficult to do depending on what

  • situation youre in, but keep this tip in mind moving forward.

  • Complacency Killer Tip 4 – Go an adventures. The easy thing for me to say in this segment

  • isplan a regular date night.” Youve probably already heard this advicebut

  • date nights can feel too routine as well. What you need to do is plan something extraordinary.

  • It doesn’t have to flashy or expensive, but you need to let your imagination run wild

  • with this onemaybe plan a picnic at the top of a mountain, or maybe try going on a

  • fun ATV tour. Again, depending on where youre at with your spouse, doing these things might

  • not be an option, but you must keep these tips in mind when things do eventually improve

  • between you and your spouse.

  • Complacency Killer Tip 5 – Use the element of surprise. Again, routine equals BORING

  • especially when it comes to sex, conversation, or dates. Using the element of surprise is

  • a SUPER easy way to destroy routine and rouse positive emotions. So let your imagination

  • run wild with this one and surprise your lover with something they’d never expect.

  • Of course, this isn’t a totally exhaustive list ofComplacency Killers”, but it’s

  • a good startagain, stay tuned for more marriage saving videos over the course of

  • the next few weeks here.

  • So that just about does it. I know that you probably have a boatload of questions for

  • me. Again, please feel free to comment below and I’ll do my very best to get back to

  • you. And I know I’ve said a few times in this video, but you really should check out

  • the free video presentation on my website, MarriageGuy.com. In that video, I share with

  • you even more Marriage Murdering Mistakes, and I also reveal my step-by-step system that

  • is guaranteed to give your marriage a proper second chance.

  • If youre more interested in hiring me as your marriage coach, then head over to MarriageGuy.com/coaching.

  • From there, youll learn how to register and how to have me in your corner, every step

  • of the way.

  • Also, be sure to give my video a quick like! It really helps me out. Thanks for watching

  • and I’ll talk with you soon!

Hey, it’s Brad Browning here and I’m a marriage and breakup expert from Vancouver,

Subtitles and vocabulary

Click the word to look it up Click the word to find further inforamtion about it