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  • Yes.

  • It is true,

  • I lost the presidential election in 2012 to Mr. Barack Obama.

  • But that is only because I thought the world was ending,

  • So I withdrew from the election and hid under a rock on top of me.

  • But now in 2016,

  • It is finally time for me to formally announce to the country,

  • No, the world.

  • No, the entire city!

  • That I, Ryan Higa, will once again be running

  • Four (for) kilometers down the road to the registrations office,

  • Where I will fill out all my information,

  • To run for president, again!

  • No, thank you for having me.

  • Hi, I'm Ryan Higa.

  • And today I'm going to show you how easy it is to run for president by example.

  • After 5 simple lessons, you'll have all the tools necessary to run for president.

  • Including your own campaign slogan.

  • Which in my opinion is the most important part.

  • You know which slogans I'm talking about.

  • Hillary Clinton has "Fighting for us".

  • Donald Trump says "Make America great again.

  • As for myself, I don't have one yet.

  • But by the end of this video, not only will I have a good campaign slogan,

  • But a slogan that is better than all the other candidates' slogans put together

  • So let's get started.

  • The first lesson in running for president:

  • You gotta be able to answer all the tough questions.

  • For me, answering tough questions is nothing new.

  • Not only have I answered tough questions.

  • I've answered some of life's toughest questions.

  • Such as

  • They were both first the chicken was inside of the egg.

  • Yes, Justin, it is in fact too late to say you are sorry.

  • No, no, no. The sum is 19.

  • Unless you're 19 and you still think 21 is a funny answer.

  • No, Frozen 2 does not come out for another 2 years.

  • Well, yes. It does make you look a little fat.

  • What, you asked for honesty.

  • Wh- Why would you even ask me if you expected a certain answer ?

  • We're just going to the movie theatres why do you even need a dress in the first place ?

  • Can we please just go ?

  • Thank you !

  • Now what do you wanna go see ?

  • I just told you it doesn't come out for 2 years, Justin !

  • Now that you can answer all the tough questions,

  • You are now ready for lesson 2.

  • Addressing the big issues.

  • Every election, candidates are always asked about the same big issues.

  • Education, gun control, North Korea.

  • All you have to do is talk about those big issues

  • And give your very own solutions.

  • The current "no child left behind" act pushes struggling kids forward

  • And I personally think that is absolutely immoral and wrong.

  • When there's someone in your group who is slow or disadvantaged

  • And they're falling behind you and your group

  • Do you go and push that member forward ?

  • Absolutely not ! You slow down and you wait for them

  • Because that's what's right

  • I plan to abolish the no child left behind act and establish the no child running ahead act

  • Where we will never push a struggling student

  • Instead we will slow down the ones that excell

  • Not only will we protect South Korea

  • But East and West Korea as well

  • And every other direction in between

  • We're still not sure which side North East Korea is on

  • But thank's to my future vice president Kanye

  • We know that we have North West on our side

  • Some people believe that guns kill people

  • Others believe that people kill people

  • But I've always believed that people kill guns

  • And just like pets have protection with PETA

  • I plan to start Gunna

  • Where you can have a gun

  • But if you abuse it in any way

  • We're gonna kill you

  • Every good politician knows that if you make the people afraid of something

  • They'll look to you to fix it

  • Look at what Donald Trump did for example

  • With all the recent bombings and terrorism going on

  • He made the people fear muslims

  • And Donald Trump says he wants to ban all the muslims from our country

  • Now I completely disagree with that but I do believe in freedom of speech

  • So when I become president Donald Trump can still say whatever he wants

  • But I'm going to make it mandatory for him to have a muzzle on

  • That's right we are going to muzzle him

  • And he will henceforth be known as a muzzle-im

  • You see what Trump did wrong is that banning all muslims is unrealistic

  • The fear that you introduce needs to be something believable

  • Something the people can relate to

  • Something real

  • Washing machines ! Not everyone has one

  • But for the ones that do

  • I'm here to tell you

  • That in 2017 all washing machines will come to life

  • And there will be a war

  • Not just for America but all of humanity

  • And I know this because I am from the future

  • Even if you can't keep them you have to make promises of things you would change if you become president

  • And these promises just need to be things that everybody would be happy with

  • All future award shows will be only hosted by Steve Harvey

  • Anyone who says the word Hello

  • Will no longer be able to follow it up with "it's me" or "I was wondering"

  • Anyone who writes articles that list things

  • Must put the entire list on that one page

  • Rather than putting a bunch of the things listed on different pages

  • So you have to keep clicking "next page"

  • All sports will be renamed more accurately to what they look like

  • Basketball shall be known as bouncy oranges

  • American footbal shall be called organic egg toss

  • Tennis will be known as spiderweb slapstick

  • And most importantly

  • International football or American soccer

  • Will no longer be called either

  • But instead a combination of the two names football and soccer

  • Put together to create a more accurate title

  • Known as flopper

  • Can we get somebody to fix that fireplace ?

  • There we go.

  • And last, but not least:

  • Your campaign.

  • Now this is probably the most important one because this is what wins the elections

  • It doesn't really matter what you plan to do or what you plan to change if you have a good campaign

  • And most importantly - I've mentioned it before:

  • You gotta have a good slogan

  • I can fix it

  • From hope to higher ground

  • I am fighting for you democrats

  • Make America great again

  • My name is Ryan Higa

  • And today I need all of you

  • To help me

  • Find

  • My

  • Speech !

  • It's uh- I think it may have fell out of my pocket on the way in

  • So the front row if you guys could check

  • I actually can't start without it so if you guys could all pitch in

  • We could do this a lot quicker

  • Anyone ?

  • I found it !

  • See ? Wouldn't want to be choking on this

  • Can't be president if I'm dead right ?

  • Alright, where were we ?

  • Yes, I may have lost the presidential election in 2012

  • And yes, I may have lost the Teen Choice awards in 2015

  • And yes, I may have even lost my iPhone in an Uber 2 weeks ago

  • But there is one thing I will not lose

  • This election !

  • I know there's a lot of other candidates who have their own visions for this country

  • Well not only is my slogan better than all of their slogans combined

  • But I have something they don't have

  • More YouTube subscribers !

  • Even though 60% of those subscribers aren't old enough to vote yet

  • And 40% can't vote because they are from a different country

  • That still leaves the rest of you

  • And together we can do it !

  • A new American leader from the future to defeat the washing machines in a fight for America again

  • I'm Ryan Higa and I don't approve any of this sh-

  • So thank you guys again so much for watching

  • If you want to see the previous video click the one on the right

  • If you want to see bloopers and behind the scenes

  • Click the one on the left

  • And remember people

  • I need you help in order to win this campaign

  • I need all of you to keep hashtagging the hashtag

  • #Higa2016

  • And together we can defeat the washing machines

  • And make this country Washing Mac-free

Yes.

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A2 US president slogan washing trump election donald trump

How To Run For President!

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    浦瞿津 posted on 2016/02/25
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