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  • I'm not crying because the wedding is beautiful.

  • I'm crying because I spent $1,000 to be in it.

  • You're getting married!

  • Oh my god, that dress is hideous.

  • I don't really like who you're marrying.

  • Even though you've sent me two texts and four emails about this, I'm still gonna ask you what I'm responsible for.

  • Oh, a sleeveless dress for an outdoor wedding, at night, in the mountains.

  • I won't be cold.

  • Oh, can you give me the names of the groomsmen so I can stalk them on Facebook?

  • This is completely against my morals.

  • You know, actually I don't give a (bleep) what color your wedding invitations are.

  • This is potential blackmail.

  • I flew across country for this.

  • I'm not getting you something from Crate and Barrel as well.

  • Another dress that highlights my insecurities. Awesome!

  • I'm actually just crying because I'm the last single friend.

  • No, but you look great, for sure.

  • I wish this was me.

  • I wish this was me, I wish this was me!

  • I've taken enough goddamn pictures!

  • Why have the groomsmen already started drinking?

  • You told me you hated her.

  • This one, here.

  • I'm so broke.

  • If you can't find me at any point tonight, I'll be at the bar.

  • No, actually I don't wanna hold your dress while you pee.

  • Despite all my complaining, I'm still gonna make you do this for my wedding.

  • We're done with the photos.

  • We've had enough.

  • I give it three years.

  • Three months.

  • Yeah.

  • You guys are soulmates.

I'm not crying because the wedding is beautiful.

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