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  • [school bell rings]

  • [indistinct chatter]

  • OKAY, STUDENTS, SETTLE DOWN.

  • SETTLE DOWN.

  • THAT INCLUDES YOU, MR. RODRIGUEZ.

  • DO YOU WANT TO TAKE THE MILK CARTON OFF OF YOUR HEAD?

  • THANK YOU SO MUCH.

  • WE HAVE A SPECIAL GUEST TODAY.

  • HE'S FROM THIS NEIGHBORHOOD,

  • AND HE'S A FORMER GANG MEMBER,

  • AND HE'S COMING HERE THIS MORNING TO TALK TO YOU

  • ABOUT LIFE CHOICES.

  • SO, PLEASE, GIVE A WARM CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL WELCOME

  • TO DONNIE HERRERA.

  • [applause]

  • - I USED TO BE JUST LIKE YOU...

  • [melancholy piano music]

  • JUST LIKE YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU.

  • USED TO CLOWN AROUND...

  • MAKE FUN OF THE PRINCIPAL...

  • PUT MILK ON MY HEAD,

  • JUST LIKE YOU, RODRIGUEZ.

  • AND THEN...

  • I GOT HIT WITH AIDS.

  • CONSEQUENCES.

  • GOT INTO SOME REAL TROUBLE, BOY.

  • STOLE FROM MY MOM AND DAD...

  • STOLE FROM MY OWN SISTER!

  • AND THEN ONE DAY...

  • A PIANO FELL ON MY HEAD.

  • - WHAT? - CONSEQUENCES.

  • - I FEEL LIKE HE MISSED A STEP THERE.

  • - GAVE ME 88 CONCUSSIONS,

  • ONE FOR EACH KEY.

  • YOU'D THINK I'M LEARNING, BUT, NO.

  • SEE, I'M JUST LIKE YOU.

  • I GOT BACK OUT THERE,

  • STARTED MAKING SOME REAL CRIMES, HOMEBOY.

  • OH, YEAH.

  • OH, YEAH.

  • AND THEN...

  • I GOT TRAMPLED BY A HERD OF BUFFALO.

  • - WHAT? - CONSEQUENCES.

  • - OKAY, DONNIE, I THINK WE'VE HAD ENOUGH.

  • - NOT DONE WITH MY STORY!

  • I WAS LIKE YOU!

  • I DECIDED IT'D BE COOL

  • TO HANG OUT WITH SOME OF THE TOUGH KIDS.

  • MM. YOU KNOW WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT.

  • THEY WERE HANGING ON THE STREETS LATE AT NIGHT.

  • MORE THAN CIGARETTE SMOKERS, HOMES.

  • AND THEN...

  • ONE DAY I GOT SHOT OUT OF A CATAPULT.

  • - THAT'S IT. OKAY.

  • - INTO THE MOUTH OF A DRAGON!

  • - STUDENTS, EVERYTHING YOU'VE HEARD HERE TODAY IS A LIE.

  • - I DON'T LIE ANYMORE.

  • - YOU'RE ALL EXCUSED.

  • - LOOK AT ME! - PLEASE, I APOLOGIZE.

  • - I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE!

  • - THANK YOU, AURELIO.

  • I APOLOGIZE, DENISE.

  • - SO I GOT REALLY DEEP INTO CRIME.

  • I DID A DRIVE-BY AT MY OWN DAUGHTER'SQUINCEAÑERA!

  • YEAH, SHOT UP EVERYBODY-- DEAD, KILLED!

  • YEAH!

  • YEAH!

  • THEN I GOT SUCKED INTO A WORMHOLE.

  • CONSEQUENCES.

  • - THAT'S IT. OKAY. EVERYBODY GO.

  • - I WAS IN ANOTHER DIMENSION,

  • TRIED TO INTRODUCE MY OWN PARENTS TO EACH OTHER.

  • ALMOST FAILED. ARM WAS DISAPPEARING.

  • - I'VE HAD IT.

  • - I INVENTEDJOHNNY B. GOODEAT MY PARENTS' PROM,

  • AND AT THE LAST MOMENT, THEY KISSED, AND IT CAME BACK.

  • - THE FASTER WE GET AWAY FROM HIM, THE BETTER.

  • - BUT NOBODY BELIEVE ME!

  • WHERE'S MY CRACK? WHERE'S MY CRACK?

  • OH.

  • [booming crash]

  • OH!

  • CONSEQUENCES!

[school bell rings]

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