The idea of a single sex talk.

Like, one day parents decide to sit down

with their kid and just impart all

of the knowledge about sex upon them.

Then they walk away, and it's all good.

Done!

Oh hi, babes!

I don't have children.

I'm not a momma and the tips I'm about to give

for having conversations about sex with kids

really comes from the perspective of someone

who recently was a kid.

So, just want to put it on the table.

You can take what I'm about to say

with a grain of salt or 50.

Number one, make it the sex talks.

Sexual development starts in childhood

so that's where the conversations should start, too.

By not talking about it early, it communicates

that sex is something that's embarrassing,

it's taboo, and that will overshadow

all of your later conversations.

Tip number two, lay it out like it is.

I think it's so important to always

answer kids' questions honestly.

Don't lie, don't skirt around, don't use silly names

and euphemisms, just be factual and to the point.

Son, that's your penis.

And if they're old enough to be asking,

they're old enough to know the answers.

If you don't answer those questions,

it will be their dopey friend Jimmy

who tries to sneak into the girl's locker room.

Don't ask me why, that's just how the universe works.

Tip number three, start the conversation.

A good conversation is just that, it's a conversation.

It's not a lecture or an interrogation

and on average the parents should

be listening more than they're talking.

Now you can use anything to start a conversation.

Something that's happening in your community,

a TV show you're watching, a movie, a Youtube video, heh,

or broad, open-ended questions.

Emphasis on the broad.

Asking specific, personal questions

can feel like an invasion of privacy

which really isn't very inviting to open up.

It just shuts the conversation down.

It's really important not to share anything

they tell you with extended family or siblings, secret time.

Tip number four, yes indeed, sex is a part of life.

Starting around ten to 13, sexual feelings start to kick in.

Do not panic.

This is normal and it's healthy.

Most parents in the U.S. freak out.

They deny, deny, deny, they chastise.

You better not have sex or I'll kick you out of this house.

Pretty sure I heard those exact lines like 20 times?

And yet, it never stopped me from having sex.

Sorry Mom and Dad!

All chastising does is one, tells them to tune out.

La la la.

Two, to be secretive about it, and three,

it tells them that they can't come to you for help.

Number five, show respect to get respect.

I can't tell you how many emails I've gotten

from younger kids in my audience whose parents

have said terrible things to them.

Calling them a slut, telling them they'll never be loved.

I mean, some of it is just straight up abusive.

It's so important to show respect not just

in your language and how you talk to them,

but by teaching them that their body doesn't belong to you,

their boyfriend, to their girlfriend,

it belongs to themselves.

Number six, you are normal.

I wish someone older had been

there to tell me that it's all normal.

It would have made such a difference.

Don't dismiss teen love, heartbreaks, rejection.

Teenagers go through a lot of first times

with real, raw emotions.

It's super intense!

Don't forget how real it is.

Number seven, what should you actually talk about?

Not just pregnancy and STIs.

(gasps)

Masturbation, menstruation, sexual orientation

and gender identity, healthy relationships,

abusive relationships, rape, sexual assault,

readiness for sex, safer sex, sexual pleasure,

communication, consent, how to respect your partner's body,

objectification, body image, self esteem,

and of course, your beliefs and values.

This is a non-exhaustive list, of course, but

I think each of these topics should be

a series of conversations that are age appropriate

and become more complex as they age.

Number eight, it should be abundantly clear

what they deserve.

They deserve happiness, they deserve safety.

They deserve a healthy, pleasurable sex life.

They deserve to feel good about their body.

They deserve to be respected.

So many people don't know that they

actually deserve this, it's kind of scary actually.

So, say it!

And you can encourage them to really embrace that

and live it by setting an example yourself.

Number nine, here's where you can get things.

When it comes to birth control, condoms, parents gotta help.

Don't expect them to figure it out on their own.

Some will go to the hassle but others won't.

It's also a good idea to encourage ongoing

self-education by pointing them toward

good books and good websites or

even other people that you trust.

And number ten, even if you had some awkward

or tense exchanges, all any kid wants is to know

that their parents are gonna be there.

And this becomes so important if, god forbid,

they're assaulted or they have a pregnancy scare,

or they're questioning their sexual orientation.

They've got to feel safe coming to their parents

to talk about it, otherwise they can and do go at it alone.

So you can let them know that it's safe to come to you

with all these tips but also just by saying it.

No matter how big of a mistake you make,

no matter how embarrassing it seems,

you can always come to me and talk to me

and we'll figure it out.

I think that's the most important thing

that you can convey to a kid.

All right babes, what would you add to this list?

Let me know down below or on my Facebook page or my Twitter.

Love you all so, so much and I wish you the

healthiest and happiest of sex talks with your family.

I'll see you next time, muah.

♫ Peace be with everyone

♫ Except your mom, oh, what ♫