about my TEDxHouston Talk.

I woke up the morning after I gave that Talk

with the worst vulnerability hangover

of my life.

And I actually didn't leave my house

for about three days.

The first time I left was to meet a friend for lunch.

And when I walked in, she was already at the table.

And I sat down, and she said,

"God, you look like hell."

I said, "Thanks. I feel really --

I'm not functioning."

And she said, "What's going on?"

And I said, "I just told

500 people

that I became a researcher

to avoid vulnerability.

And that when being vulnerable

emerged from my data,

as absolutely essential

to whole-hearted living,

I told these 500 people

that I had a breakdown.

I had a slide that said Breakdown.

At what point did I think that was a good idea?"

(Laughter)

And she said, "I saw your Talk live-streamed.

It was not really you.

It was a little different than what you usually do.

But it was great."

And I said,

"This can't happen.

YouTube, they're putting this thing on YouTube.

And we're going to be talking about 600, 700 people."

(Laughter)

And she said, "Well, I think it's too late."

And I said, "Let me ask you something."

And she said, "Yeah."

And I said, "Do you remember when we were in college

and really wild and kind of dumb?"

And she said, "Yeah."

And I said, "Remember when we'd leave a really bad message

on our ex-boyfriend's answering machine?

Then we'd have to break into his dorm room

and then erase the tape?"

(Laughter)

And she goes, "Uh ... no."

(Laughter)

So of course, the only thing I could think of to say at that point was,

"Yeah, me neither.

That ... me neither."

And I'm thinking to myself,

"Brene, what are you doing? What are you doing?

Why did you bring this up? Have you lost your mind?

Your sisters would be perfect for this."

So I looked back up and she said,

"Are you really going to try to break in

and steal the video

before they put it on YouTube?"

And I said, "I'm just thinking about it a little bit."

(Laughter)

She said, "You're like the worst vulnerability role model ever."

(Laughter)

And then I looked at her and I said something

that at the time felt a little dramatic,

but ended up being more prophetic than dramatic.

I said,

"If 500 turns into 1,000

or 2,000,

my life is over."

(Laughter)

I had no contingency plan for four million.

(Laughter)

And my life did end when that happened.

And maybe the hardest part about my life ending

is that I learned something hard about myself,

and that was that,

as much as I would frustrated

about not being able to get my work out to the world,

there was a part of me that was working very hard

to engineer staying small,

staying right under the radar.

But I want to talk about what I've learned.

There's two things that I've learned in the last year.

The first is

vulnerability is not weakness.

And that myth

is profoundly dangerous.

Let me ask you honestly --

and I'll give you this warning,

I'm trained as a therapist,

so I can out-wait you uncomfortably --

so if you could just raise your hand that would be awesome --

how many of you honestly,

when you're thinking about doing something vulnerable

or saying something vulnerable,

think, "God, vulnerability's weakness. This is weakness?"

How many of you think of vulnerability and weakness synonymously?

The majority of people.

Now let me ask you this question:

This past week at TED,

how many of you, when you saw vulnerability up here,

thought it was pure courage?

Vulnerability is not weakness.

I define vulnerability

as emotional risk,

exposure, uncertainty.

It fuels our daily lives.

And I've come to the belief --

this is my 12th year doing this research --

that vulnerability

is our most accurate measurement

of courage --

to be vulnerable, to let ourselves be seen,

to be honest.

One of the weird things that's happened

is, after the TED explosion,

I got a lot of offers to speak all over the country --

everyone from schools and parent meetings

to Fortune 500 companies.

And so many of the calls went like this,

"Hey, Dr. Brown. We loved your TEDTalk.

We'd like you to come in and speak.

We'd appreciate it

if you wouldn't mention vulnerability or shame."

(Laughter)

What would you like for me to talk about?

There's three big answers.

This is mostly, to be honest with you, from the business sector:

innovation, creativity

and change.

So let me go on the record

and say,

vulnerability is the birthplace

of innovation, creativity and change.

(Applause)

To create is to make something

that has never existed before.

There's nothing more vulnerable than that.

Adaptability to change

is all about vulnerability.

The second thing,

in addition to really finally understanding

the relationship between vulnerability and courage,

the second thing I learned is this:

We have to talk about shame.

And I'm going to be really honest with you.

When I became a "vulnerability researcher"

and that became the focus because of the TEDTalk --

and I'm not kidding.

I'll give you an example.

About three months ago, I was in a sporting goods store

buying goggles and shin guards

and all the things that parents buy at the sporting goods store.

About from a hundred feet away, this is what I hear:

"Vulnerability TED! Vulnerability TED!"

(Laughter)

I'm a fifth generation Texan.

Our family motto is "Lock and load."

I am not a natural vulnerability researcher.

So I'm like,

just keep walking, she's on my six.

(Laughter)

And then I hear, "Vulnerability TED!"

I turn around, I go, "Hi."

She's right here and she said,

"You're the shame researcher who had the breakdown."

(Laughter)

At this point

parents are, like, pulling their children close.

"Look away."

And I'm so worn out at this point in my life,

I look at her and I actually say,

"It was a frickin' spiritual awakening."

(Laughter)

(Applause)

And she looks back and does this,

"I know."

And she said,