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  • I knew when I said goodbye to him that it wasn't goodbye forever

  • and I'd see him again and when I see him again

  • he won't be in pain anymore.

  • And he won't be weak.

  • When My Parent Passed Away

  • I was six years old when my mom passed away.

  • My mom died when I was 17, she was sick.

  • She had cancer the majority of my childhood.

  • My dad was sick for as long as I can remember.

  • When I was born he was just recently diagnosed

  • with multiple sclerosis.

  • You know, I went and talked to my mom and I,

  • you know, I sat down next to her bed and I told her,

  • I said, "This is what the doctors have told us."

  • They said there might be a solution, but we might have to,

  • you know, go across the country to this doctor's place

  • to try it out.

  • And she just looked at me and she's like, "No more."

  • I can't.

  • My father who was young and didn't smoke

  • came down with pancreatic cancer and within less than

  • six months he had passed away.

  • My father died first.

  • He had arterial sclerotic heart disease so he had a

  • massive heart attack.

  • And then my mother, she died about five months later

  • and she just had, like, a sudden cardiac arrest and I was

  • on the phone with her when it happened, but I didn't know

  • that she had died.

  • We always had the thing in our family when you,

  • you know, love you, love you more.

  • I believe it was me to him, "Love ya."

  • And then on my way out the door I heard, "Love you more."

  • And that was the last thing he ever said to me.

  • And he was throwing up due to the chemo therapy.

  • I was young and I walked past it and I recoiled and said

  • gross and ran away.

  • Ever since then, that's just replayed in my head

  • since childhood.

  • There were so many unknowns happening.

  • Like, I felt that it was my fault, then I realized

  • it wasn't my fault.

  • I remember walking out of the funeral home

  • holding the casket and I grabbed my little brother

  • and I hugged him, I said, "I promise you everything's

  • "gonna be okay, I'm gonna make sure of it.

  • "Everything's gonna be fine."

  • And I hope I did the right thing.

  • I'm hoping that I was able to do what, at least half

  • my mother was able to do for me.

  • It was mother's day and everyone was, like,

  • crocheting these like things for their mom and I was the only

  • kid in class that, like, didn't.

  • So then I just did it for my grandma which sounds weird.

  • So, yeah, that's when

  • I kind of understood that, like,

  • that everyone else kind of had this thing and I didn't.

  • You never really lose certain memories or certain parts

  • of their personality and I, to this day, will be watching

  • a movie that I watched with him several times or a TV show

  • that I watched several times with him and I can still hear

  • the parts where he laughed.

  • That void is always gonna be there and it's a part of

  • who I am today, but it doesn't have to pull me in,

  • it doesn't have to take over me.

  • And it's something that I work on all the time.

  • I had a therapist for the first six months after it

  • happened 'cause it helps to talk to someone without bias.

  • I go to therapy.

  • Yeah, I go to therapy because this isn't an issue that's

  • just gonna, like, go away.

  • You are going to deal with the loss of your parents

  • for years.

  • If there's somebody that you care about,

  • you need to let them know.

  • And just don't waste time cause the biggest things

  • you learn because you can be taken today, tomorrow,

  • in 50 years, you don't know.

  • I learned a lot in those 16 years and I, like,

  • cherish those memories.

  • I always tell my friends, you know, cherish your parents.

  • You never know when they're gonna go.

  • Cherish the time you had about (with them) and share that

  • with people because everyone's in it together and we all

  • are going through the same thing.

  • We are in a struggle together and together we become stronger.

I knew when I said goodbye to him that it wasn't goodbye forever

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When My Parent Passed Away

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    葉子維 posted on 2015/09/12
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