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  • - I KNOW A LOT OF YOU ARE HERE

  • BECAUSE IT'S ON YOUR BUCKET LIST,

  • SO IF YOU DID THAT, THANKS FOR BEING HERE.

  • THANK YOU.

  • AND IT'S--

  • [cheers and applause]

  • EVERYONE HAS A BUCKET LIST.

  • I'VE BEEN KEEPING A BUCKET LIST FOR A LONG TIME,

  • SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.

  • I'VE ACCOMPLISHED A LOT.

  • I WAS ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW"

  • WHEN JOHNNY CARSON HOSTED.

  • THAT WAS A--

  • AND I HOSTED THE OSCARS, AND--

  • [cheers and applause]

  • SO NOW ALL I HAVE TO DO IS MARRY DONNY OSMOND,

  • AND I'M-- CHECK, CHECK, CHECK.

  • CHECK.

  • [chuckles]

  • YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND WHEN YOU'RE 13 SOMETIMES.

  • YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

  • ACTUALLY, THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO LEARN IS--

  • I'VE WANTED TO LEARN SPANISH,

  • AND I'VE BEEN, FOR A LONG, LONG TIME,

  • THINKING I SHOULD.

  • 47 MILLION PEOPLE SPEAK SPANISH IN THE UNITED STATES.

  • 46 MILLION OF THEM LIVE HERE IN LOS ANGELES.

  • [laughter]

  • NOTHING IS WORKING.

  • I'VE TRIED TO LEARN, AND--

  • I'VE TAKEN THE CLASSES.

  • I TRAVELED TO MEXICO.

  • I TRIED THE POPULAR PROGRAMS--

  • THE ROSETTA STONE, THE PIMSLEUR,

  • THE JOSE CUERVO.

  • [laughter]

  • THE THING--JOSE CUERVO, YOU LEARN A LITTLE SPANISH,

  • BUT THEN WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING,

  • YOU DON'T REMEMBER ANY OF IT.

  • THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH IT.

  • [cheers and applause]

  • WHO ARE YOU?

  • HAVE YOU TRIED THE ROSETTA STONE?

  • ANYBODY? - YEP.

  • - YEAH, THE PROBLEM--

  • HERE'S THE PROBLEM WITH THE ROSETTA STONE.

  • YOU HAVE TO PUT "HOURS" OF WORK INTO IT,

  • AND I'M LIKE, "UH-UH, I DON'T HAVE TIME."

  • IF THERE'S FIVE-MINUTE ABS,

  • WHY CAN'T THERE BE SIX-MINUTE SPANISH?

  • THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.

  • YOU KNOW, THE PEOPLE THAT ARE STARTING TO LEARN SPANISH,

  • THEY ALL LEARN THE SAME PHRASE:

  • "YO NO HABLO ESPAÑOL,"

  • WHICH MEANS "I DON'T SPEAK SPANISH."

  • WHAT'S THE POINT OF LEARNING THAT?

  • I MEAN, YOU COULD JUST GO, "AH-UH-MM"...

  • [mouthing words]

  • OR "SCOOBY-DOOBY-DOO,"

  • AND, YOU KNOW,

  • PEOPLE WILL FIGURE IT OUT.

  • THEY SAY THAT THE BEST WAY TO LEARN SPANISH

  • IS TO FIND A NATIVE SPEAKER AND PRACTICE WITH THEM.

  • SO LUCKILY, SOFIA VERGARA IS HERE TODAY.

  • [cheers and applause]

  • SO MAYBE SHE CAN TEACH ME A LITTLE SPANISH,

  • AND IN EXCHANGE, I'LL TEACH HER SOME ENGLISH,

  • WHICH IS GREAT.

  • [laughter]

  • IN THE MEANTIME, I DECIDED TO HIRE

  • ONE OF THE STARS OF MY FAVORITE TELENOVELA

  • ON TELEMUNDO TO TEACH ME SPANISH.

  • PLEASE WELCOME EUGENIO.

  • EUGENIO.

  • [cheers and applause]

  • HI.

  • HOW ARE YOU?

  • - HOLA, ELLEN.

  • [cheers and applause]

  • - NOW, THAT-- LOOK HOW GOOD--

  • YOU SAID, "HOLA, ELLEN,"

  • AND I KNOW THAT MEANS "HI, ELLEN."

  • - OF COURSE. MUY BIEN.

  • - YEAH, OH, AND THAT MEANS

  • "ELLEN IS VERY BEAUTIFUL."

  • GRACIAS.

  • GRACIAS. - DE NADA.

  • - REMIND ME HOW TO SAY YOUR NAME EXACTLY--THE WHOLE NAME.

  • - AYU-HEN-YO.

  • - AYO-GHEN-YO. AY-GHO.

  • - AYU-HEN-YO. - AY-GHO-HEY.

  • - YO. - AY-U-YO.

  • - [laughs] - AYO--AY--

  • - AYU-HEN-YO.

  • - AYU-HEN-YO. - THAT'S IT.

  • OKAY, YEAH. EH-U-HEN-YO.

  • AND YOU'RE THE STAR-- ONE OF THE STARS OF--

  • THE SHOW IS CALLED...

  • - "REINA DE CORAZONES," WHICH MEANS "QUEEN OF HEARTS."

  • - QUEEN OF HEARTS. I KNOW THAT PART.

  • BUT THE-- SAY IT AGAIN?

  • - REINA... - REINA...

  • - DE... - DE...

  • - CORAZONES. - CORZONES.

  • - "REINA DE CORAZONES." - [mumbling]

  • WE'LL SAY IT TOGETHER.

  • both: "REINA DE CORAZONES."

  • - YEAH. - YEAH.

  • [cheers and applause]

  • THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.

  • - THANK YOU.

  • WELL, I'VE MASTERED THAT SO FAR.

  • SO WHAT ELSE CAN YOU TEACH ME?

  • - UM, I'LL TEACH YOU WHAT TO SAY

  • WHEN YOU GO OUT FOR DRINKS?

  • - AH, PERFECTO. OKAY.

  • - YOU CAN SAY-- WITH YOUR TEQUILA--

  • - UH-HUH.

  • - ARRIBA, ABAJO, AL CENTRO, Y PA' DENTRO.

  • [laughter] YES?

  • - NO, THAT MEANS THERE'S A FAST BANJO

  • IN THE CENTER OF MY PASTA.

  • I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

  • WHAT IS IT? - ARRIBA.

  • - ARRIBA. - ABAJO.

  • - AH-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

  • [laughter]

  • - ARRIBA. - UH-HUH.

  • - ABAJO. - UH-HUH.

  • - AL CENTRO. - UH-HUH.

  • - Y PA' DENTRO. - ALL RIGHT.

  • [laughter and applause]

  • - I LOVE YOU.

  • - ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA TRUST YOU ON THAT.

  • I'M GONNA GO HOME AND LOOK THAT UP.

  • I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU JUST MADE ME DO.

  • - OKAY. [laughs]

  • - ONE MORE THING I NEED YOU TO TEACH ME IS,

  • HOW DO YOU SAY, "IT'S TIME TO DANCE"?

  • - ES LA HORA DE BAILAR!

  • - BAILAR!

- I KNOW A LOT OF YOU ARE HERE

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