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  • Father's Days. By Bob

  • The illustrated memoir of a first time dad.

  • I don't remember being anxious or scared of becoming a dad,

  • but I think that's because I was so sure nothing would go wrong.

  • You often imagine how you'd respond to an emergency situation.

  • We all like to think we'll cope with it like people do in films or on television.

  • I really didn't have a clue.

  • I've never been good with blood.

  • They told me I could say hello quickly before they took her away.

  • When I said, "I'm your dad,"

  • it sounded like an apology

  • The next few hours we're confusing.

  • We didn't understand exactly what happened,

  • just knew she was very ill and needed to be transferred to somewhere else.

  • My wife had to stay behind to recover from the surgery.

  • I tried to ignore how fast the ambulance was traveling.

  • When you see all those machines and tubes and wires and hear all the beeps and alarms,

  • that's when you realize it's a life or death situation.

  • The doctor was very frank with me.

  • He explained my daughter's condition was incredibly serious.

  • She suffered an injury to her brain.

  • At that point, I was beginning to realize how helpless and hopelessly out of my depth I was.

  • Once I got back to my room, all the emotions suddenly took over.

  • Cause dads are supposed to be heroes, aren't they?

  • I think I was expecting to have a baby and suddenly be transformed into this person who knew how to deal with any situation.

  • I had a family now that needed me.

  • We were all facing a huge struggle.

  • I just didn't feel strong enough.

  • When Cerebral Palsy was first mentioned,

  • my first thought was, "Well I don't really know what that is."

  • The parenthood I've been anticipating was gradually fading away

  • and was being replaced with lots of questions.

  • Eventually, she opened her eyes, and we got to hold her for the first time.

  • Although she was still connected to a lot of equipment.

  • We felt that she was finally connected to us as well.

  • When you've been in an environment like that with a new baby,

  • with so many doctors and nurses,

  • when you finally got home, it's eerily quiet.

  • There's no alarm to tell you if she's stopped breathing.

  • I don't think either of us really slept,

  • but things got easier.

  • Well, we got more used to it like all parents do,

  • and we were so busy.

  • Sometimes it's still really hard to deal with.

  • You have a lot of guilt and sadness about the situation,

  • but most of the time you're just astounded by what she's accomplishing

  • and focusing on how much fun you're having together.

  • When she took those first steps on her frame, we were all so excited.

  • There was always a big question mark over walking.

  • But quite often you found that when one question mark disappears,

  • another one springs out to take its place.

  • The process of drawing what happened has been really cathartic for me.

  • It's helped me realize just how far we've all come.

  • After all the complications,

  • the idea of having another baby was frightening,

  • but ultimately we realized that it was what we all wanted and needed.

  • My experience of fatherhood hasn't really been anything like what I imagined it would be,

  • but that's probably true of all dads.

  • I am definitely a different person now.

  • The whole thing about being a hero and knowing how to save the day,

  • I wasn't supposed to be the hero in all of these.

  • There are plenty of them,

  • the doctors, the nurses, the physios, the paramedics,

  • and my little girl who showed me what it really means to be brave and determined and strong.

  • She taught me that just being dad is more than enough.

Father's Days. By Bob

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