B2 High-Intermediate US 16056 Folder Collection
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Are you a high performing athlete?
Do you strive for excellence and test the limits of your own endurance?
If so, you're the ideal candidate to drink our flavored solution of salt, sugar and water.
If you're not an elite athlete,
a regular diet of salted, sugar water may contribute to obesity or high blood pressure,
but we'd still like you to drink it.
As the elite athlete market alone is too small to support our business,
a solution of salt, sugar and water
is also helpful if you have a hangover,
extreme diarrhea,
or just wanted to feel marginally less guilty about drinking a soda,
we promise our flavored solution of salt, sugar and water
will temporarily satisfy
your obsolete, caveman brain's insatiable desire for sweets.
That's because it contains the same amount of
sugar as a can of Coke and enough salt to kill a banana slug.
And only Horton brand combines three secret ingredients
with bitchin' flavor names for a placebo effect that you can taste.
We also put words on the bottle
that seem connected to the idea of health,
but actually means sugar and salt
words like electrolytes
fuel
power
vitamin
and cooldurance.
I made up that last one.
Anyway, here's someone running on a treadmill
attached to sensors.
This does an excellent job of illustrating
the type of thing that is not part of our process.
Most professional athletes today
don't even drink salted, sugar water unless we pay them to.
You'd think they wouldn't need
the extra money
but they've ruined their bodies for your entertainment
and they must take what they can
before their spine degrade into a fine powder.
ahh, mehh
Kinda chalky
Horton flavored solution: salt, sugar and water.
This year there's a purple one called Panther Rain.
That's what I call a slam dunk
And Roger with the pick! arghhhh
I'm Roger, by the way.
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If Sports Drink Commercials Were Honest

16056 Folder Collection
Charlene Tai published on July 15, 2015    Charlene Tai translated    Vivi Lee reviewed
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