Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles Are you a high performing athlete? Do you strive for excellence and test the limits of your own endurance? If so, you're the ideal candidate to drink our flavored solution of salt, sugar and water. If you're not an elite athlete, a regular diet of salted, sugar water may contribute to obesity or high blood pressure, but we'd still like you to drink it. As the elite athlete market alone is too small to support our business, a solution of salt, sugar and water is also helpful if you have a hangover, extreme diarrhea, or just wanted to feel marginally less guilty about drinking a soda, we promise our flavored solution of salt, sugar and water will temporarily satisfy your obsolete, caveman brain's insatiable desire for sweets. That's because it contains the same amount of sugar as a can of Coke and enough salt to kill a banana slug. And only Horton brand combines three secret ingredients with bitchin' flavor names for a placebo effect that you can taste. We also put words on the bottle that seem connected to the idea of health, but actually means sugar and salt words like electrolytes fuel power vitamin and cooldurance. I made up that last one. Anyway, here's someone running on a treadmill attached to sensors. This does an excellent job of illustrating the type of thing that is not part of our process. Most professional athletes today don't even drink salted, sugar water unless we pay them to. You'd think they wouldn't need the extra money but they've ruined their bodies for your entertainment and they must take what they can before their spine degrade into a fine powder. ahh, mehh Kinda chalky Horton flavored solution: salt, sugar and water. This year there's a purple one called Panther Rain. That's what I call a slam dunk And Roger with the pick! arghhhh I'm Roger, by the way.