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  • Chronologically, you're 16 today.

  • Physically,

  • You're still 15.

  • [ sighs ]

  • Hopeless.

  • Nope. I look exactly the same as I have since summer.

  • Utterly forgettable.

  • No, I didn't expect to wake up transformed.

  • I just thought that turning 16 would be so major...

  • That I'd wake up with an improved mental state that would show on my face.

  • All it shows is that I don't have any sort of a tan left.

  • [ sighs ] I better get downstairs.

  • My family's probably pissed off I haven't let them wish me happy birthday yet.

  • All right. I'll see you at school.

  • You need four inches of bod and a great birthday.

  • Where's my briefcase ? [ mike ] where'd you leave it ?

  • Don't be a smart-ass. Okay, I'll be a dumb-ass.

  • [ sara ] you already are.

  • Okay, where's sam ? Where's my briefcase ?

  • Sam ? Allow me, brenda. Hey, birth defect !

  • [ brenda ] you missed breakfast again.

  • [ dad ] it wasn't my idea to give her her own phone line.

  • [ sara, mike arguing ] [ brenda ] grab a doughnut.

  • It's small. It's brown. It's made of leather.

  • It has my initials on it. And I believe... That's it.

  • [ car horn honking ] don't forget the grandparents are coming this afternoon.

  • Are we still having dinner with the rice chex ? Rizczechs. 8:00 at the club.

  • You'd better learn their names. As of tomorrow, they're family.

  • That's a lovely thought. Hmm.

  • When it comes your turn to get married, do me a favor. Elope.

  • Who'd marry her ? Mr. T.

  • I'm sorry, you'll have to buy lunch today. I didn't have time to fix your carrots.

  • She's only eating carrots to increase the size of her breasts.

  • Mister, you had better shape up, or you will miss your sister's wedding.

  • Promise ?

  • Now, don't give me that pouty look of yours.

  • You can eat your carrots when you get home.

  • That's it ? You don't have anything else to say to me today ?

  • What would you like me to say, sam ?

  • Come on now, honey. You're gonna miss the bus.

  • Have a good day.

  • I can't believe this.

  • They fucking forgot my birthday.

Chronologically, you're 16 today.

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