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  • [ CHEE AND APPLAUSE ]

  • >> Conan: ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.

  • AT ONLY 19 YEARS OLD, MY NEXT

  • GUEST HAS ALREADY RECEIVED

  • GOLDEN GLOBE AND PEOPLE'S CHOICE

  • AWARD NOMINATIONS FOR HER ROLE

  • AS THE GENETICALLY ENHANCED STAR

  • OF THE HIT FOX TELEVISION SHOW

  • "DARK ANGEL."

  • PLEASE WELCOME THE LOVELY

  • JESSICA ALBA.

  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

  • >> Conan: THANKS FOR BEING

  • ON THE SHOW.

  • >> THANK YOU.

  • >> Conan: GREAT TO HAVE

  • YU HERE.

  • >> THANK YOU.

  • >> Conan: OH, THEY'LL SETTLE

  • DOWN IN AWHILE.

  • WE -- YOU KNOW WHAT'S AMAZING?

  • I'VE ALWAYS NOTICED ON TV,HEN

  • THEY HAVE PEOPLE DO A FIGHTI

  • SCENE, I THINK 9 OF THE TIME,

  • IT LOOKS FAKE.

  • YOU CAN KINDA TELL THAT IT'S NOT

  • REALLY A FIGHT.

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> Conan: WHEN I'VE SEEN

  • YOU FIT ON THE SW, IT LOOKS

  • REAL.

  • IT LOOKS LIKE YOU COULD

  • REALLY --

  • >> IT IS REAL.

  • >> Conan: YOU COULD REALLY KICK

  • SOMEONE'S ASS, COULDN'YOU?

  • >> YEAH, SOMETIMES I HIT

  • THE GUYS TOO HARD.

  • SOMETIMES THEY, LIKE --

  • LIKE, WE HAD -- LAST WEEK,■

  • WE HAD ACTORS DOING STUNTS.

  • AND I KICKED HIM -- I WAS

  • KICKING HIM REALLY HARD

  • IN THE RIBS.

  • SO THEY HAD TO WEAR, LIKE, A RIB

  • THING.

  • >> Conan: WHY WERE YOU DOING

  • THAT?

  • ARE YOU WORKING OFF SOME KIND

  • OF AGGRESSION?

  • >> NO, BECAUSE YOU HAVE

  • TO SELL IT.

  • AND YOU HAVE TO TRY TO GET

  • THROUGH THE MOTION.

  • AND, LIKE, I HAD TO BEAT UP,

  • LIKE, THREE GUYS AT THE SAME

  • TIME.

  • >> Conan: NOW, DO YOU FEEL LIKE

  • YOU COULD --

  • IF YOU WERE IN A REAL SITUATION,

  • THEN, THAT YOU COULD JUST START

  • KICKING ASS LEFT AND RIGHT?

  • >> NO,UT I THINK I COULD

  • DEFINITELY HURT SOMEBODY

  • IF I WANTED TO.

  • >> Conan: YES!

  • OKAY.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • ARE YOU A GOOD -- I MEAN, ARE

  • YOU A GOOD ATHLETE, IN GENERAL?

  • DO YOU PLAY SPORTS?

  • >> MY DAD LIKES TO THINK SO.

  • HE -- YEAH.

  • I PLAYED BASEBALL AND FOOTBA.

  • I CAN THRO LIKE, REALLY FAR.

  • >> Conan: RIGHT.

  • SO ARE YOU COORDINATED?

  • >> I'M NOT THAT -- NOT THAT

  • COORDINATED.

  • >> Conan: THAT CRIPPLED

  • MY SPORTS CAREER, TOO.

  • >> NOT THAT COORDINATED.

  • >> Conan: SHOCKINGLY.

  • THAT, AND MY LACK OF MUSCLE

  • TONE.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • AND I HAVE THE LUNGS

  • OF A 2-YEAR-OLD BOY.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • THEY'RE LIKE, "EEK, EEK, EEK."

  • I PASS OUT A LOT WHEN I PLAY

  • ATHLETIC EVENTS.

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> Conan: IT'S REALLY SAD.

  • >> OKAY.

  • >> Conan: NOW, YOU'RE THIS BIG

  • SUCCESS NOW.

  • IT'S A REALLY HOT SHOW.

  • PEOPLE ARE REALLY -- NO, IT'S

  • EXCITING.

  • AND ALSO, I SEE YOU EVERYWHERE.

  • THAT MUST BE WEIRD.

  • YOU SEE YOUR PICTURE

  • IN MAGAZINES AND --

  • >> WELL, I DON'T REALLY OK

  • AT MYSELF, LIKE, IN MAGAZINES

  • AND STUFF.

  • >> Conan: WE DIFFER AGAIN.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • I MEAN, I LOOK AT ME.

  • I'M LIKE, "LOOK AT THAT GUY!"

  • >> I LOOK AT YOU, TOO!

  • >> Conan: "CHECK HIM OUT."

  • YEAHTHANKS.

  • THANKS FOR THAT.

  • NO, I'M SERIOUS.

  • DO YOU LIKE PHOTO SHOOTS?

  • I MEAN, THOSE ARE --

  • A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK THOSE ARE

  • EASY, BUT IT'S A PAIN

  • IN THE NECK, RIGHT?

  • >> NO, I ALWAYS HAVE TO DO THESE

  • PHOTO SHOOTS.

  • AND OTOGRAPHERS COME UP TO ME.

  • AND, YOU KNOW, IMMEDIATELY

  • THEY'RE LIKE, "PUT

  • HER IN THE CLEAVAGE

  • AND THE LEATHER."

  • LIKE LEATHER AND CLEAVAGE IS

  • THE ONLY THING ON THEIR MINDS.

  • SPIKES AND --

  • >> Conan: DAMN THEM.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • WHY?

  • [ APPLAUSE ]

  • >> I'M NOT, I MEAN --

  • >> Conan: I KNOW, I KN.

  • >> AS MUCH AS EVERYONE WOULD

  • LI TO THINK SO, I'M NOT LIKE

  • THAT.

  • D I'M NOT TO THAT.

  • >> Conan: BUT THAT'S --

  • >> THAT'S WHAT IT IS,

  • AND THEY THINK THAT THAT'S

  • "DARK ANGEL," BUT THAT'S NOT

  • "DARK ANGEL," YOU KNOW.

  • SHE'S SMART.

  • >> Conan: RIGHT.

  • >> AND, SO, REGARDLESS --

  • AND THEN I GET THESE

  • PHOTOGRAPHERS, AND THESE, LIKE,

  • SLEAZY GUYS WITH THE LONG

  • HAIR -NOT TRYING TO GENERALIZE

  • IT OR ANYTHING -- BUT THEY'RE

  • LIKE, "SEXY!

  • FOXY!

  • HOT!

  • YES!

  • SEXY!

  • POUT THOSE LIPS!

  • GIVE ME THOSE ANGR TOUGH

  • EYES!"

  • >> Conan: ARE THEY SAYING THIS

  • INTO THE PHONE ON YOU?

  • >> THEY'RE DOING THAT --

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • >> Conan: RING, RING, RING.

  • "SEXY, HOT, SEXY!"

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • >> NO, NO, NO.

  • THEY, LIKE, HAVE THE CERA.

  • LIKE, THEY HAVE THE CAMERA,

  • AND THEY'RE, LIKE, TAKING

  • PICTURES OF ME.

  • AND THEY'RE LIKE, "SEXY!

  • MORE HOT!

  • MORE SEX, SEX, SEX."

  • AND I'M JUST LIKE, "YOU KNOW

  • WHAT?

  • SH UP."

  • >> Conan: YEAH, THAT MAKES

  • YOU --

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • >> LIKE I WILL RESPOND TO THAT.■

  • >> Conan: BUT ALSO, THAT DOESN'T

  • MAKE YOU FEEL SEXY, I WOULD

  • IMAGINE.

  • >> NO, I WANNA KICK 'EM

  • IN THE HEAD.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • >> Conan: WELL, YOU CAN, YEAH.

  • YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE,

  • COMEDY -- IF EVEI HAVE TO GET

  • MY PICTURE TAKEN FOR

  • EVERYTHING -- FOR ANYTHING --

  • A PERSON WILL REAL --

  • I'VE HAD PEOPLE WHO WERE TAKING

  • THE PHOTO GO, "FUNNY GUY!

  • FUNNY!

  • GIVE ME FUNNY!"

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • >> SEE THEY DO!

  • >> Conan: "GIVE ME GOOFY!

  • GOOFY, GOOFY!"

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • AND SO ALL THE PICTURES COME

  • OUT, AND YOU'RE LIKE THIS.

  • >> YOU'RE LIKE --

  • >> Conan: "I HATE YOU."

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • >> YOU WANNA KICK THEM

  • IN THE HEAD.

  • >> Conan: YEAH, YOU FEEL LIKE

  • YOU'RE A BABY, AND SOMEONE'S

  • GOING, "COOKIE, COOKIE."

  • >> YEAH, EXACTLY.

  • IT'S SO --

  • >> Conan: IT'S INSANE.

  • NOW, YOU -- I WAS READING

  • ABOUT YOU TODAY.

  • AND YOU HAD AN INTERESTING

  • NICKNAME AS A CHILD.

  • YOU WANNA TELL US WHAT THAT IS?

  • >> YEAH, MY GRANDMOTHER USED

  • TO CALL ME --

  • PUCHINA PISTOS OR

  • MUCHACHA COCHINA PISTOSA.

  • WHICH IS LIKE "DIRTY LITTLE

  • GIRL," BECAUSE I WAS A BIT RUDE

  • WHEN I WASITTLE.

  • >> Conan: AGAIN, MY NICKNAME

  • AS A CHI.■■

  • "DIRTY LITTLE GIRL," YEAH.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • "I'M A DIRTY LITTLE GIRL!"

  • "WHAT'S WRONG WITH OUR SON?"

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • WHY DID YOU GET THAT NICKNAME?

  • WHAT KINDS OF THINGS WERE

  • YOU DOING?

  • >> WELL, YOU KNOW, WHEN THERE

  • WOULD BE LIKE THE PRAYER w

  • OR WHATEVER AT DINNER, I'D,

  • LIKE, BURP OR SOMETHING.

  • >> Conan: RIGHT.

  • >> MY GRANOTHER ALWAYS THOUGHT

  • WE WERE NAKED IF WE WERE

  • IN O BATHING SUITS

  • IN THE HOUSE.

  • LIKE, "PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON!"

  • >> Conan: WAS SHE A RELIGIOUS

  • WOMAN?

  • >> CATHOLIC.

  • >> Conan: YEAH, I KNOW WHERE

  • YOU'RE COMING FROM.

  • >> I LOVE -- I MEAN, I LOVE MY

  • GRANDMA, BUT I'D --

  • YOU KNOW, SHE'D BE WASHING

  • THE DISHES, AND I'D PUT

  • MY BATHING SUIT UP MY BUTT

  • AND BE LIKE, "GRANDMA!

  • GRANDMA!

  • WHAT ARE WE HAVING FOR DINNER?

  • ANDMA, WHAT ARE WE HAVING

  • FOR DINNER?"

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • >> Conan: YOUR POOR GRANDMOTHER.

  • >> SHE'D BE LIKE --

  • "COCHINA PISTOSA."

  • >> Conan: YEAH, "CHECK THIOUT,

  • GRANNY."

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • POOR GRANDMOTHER.

  • >> BUT I WAS JUST RUDE.

  • I WAS JUST, YOU KNOW --

  • >> Conan: JUST BEING A KID.

  • >> YEAH, I WAS A STUPID KID.

  • >> Conan: NOW, YOU'RE

  • SHOOTING -- YOU'RE SHOOTING

  • MOVIES NOW?

  • YOU JUST SHOOTED A FILM --

  • >> "SHOOTED"?

  • >> Conan: SHOOTED A FILM.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • I'M LIKE, "PRETTY GIRL!

  • PRETTY GIRL, I SHOOTED A FILM."

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • I WAS ABLE TO CUS

  • DURING COSTAS.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • STRANGE THAT I'D LOSE

  • MY CONCENTRATION NOW.

  • YOU'RE IN THE MALAYSIAN JUNGLE?

  • >> YEAH, I SHOT FILM

  • IN MALAYSIA CALLED "SLEEPING

  • CTIONARY," AND THEY HAVEDK

  • THE MOST TREMENDOUS BUGS.

  • SNAKES -- 25 DEADLY POISONOUS

  • SNAKES IN THE JUNGLE

  • 20-MINUTE HIKE UP

  • TO THE LOCATION WHERE WE WERE

  • SHOOTING.

  • WHE'S THE BATHROOM

  • IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY?

  • IN THE BUSH.

  • >> Conan: WAIT A MINUTE.

  • YOU'RE A BIG STAR NOW,

  • AND YOU GET ON A FILM SET --

  • WELL, YOU'RE DOING VERY WELL.

  • OKAY, WELL, YOU'RE

  • NO CONAN O'BRIEN, BUT YOU KNOW,

  • ONE DAY --

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • WITH TIME AND TRAINING, YOU'LL

  • ACHIEVE MY STATURE AT 12:30.

  • ARGH!

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • WHAT AM I DOING?

  • BUT --

  • I DON'T KNOW.

  • I GET GIDDAROUND THE LADIES.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • >> YOU'RE SCARING ME.

  • >> Conan: YOUR PUBLICIST IS

  • GONNA CALL TOMORROW -- "SHE

  • NEVER WANTS TO SEE THAT GUY

  • AGAIN.Co

  • HE WAS SO WEIRD."

  • BUT THAT IS SHOCKING TO ME THAT

  • YOU'RE DOING QUITE WELL,

  • AND THAT THEY SAY, "JUST GO

  • IN THE BUSS"?

  • WELL, NO.

  • WELL, YEAH.

  • WHAT DO THEY HAVE UP THERE?

  • I MEAN, THERE WAS NOTHING.

  • AND SO YOU'D BE GOING

  • TO THE BATHROOM.

  • AND IT WAS ALL OF US.

  • BRENDA BLETHYN, BOB HOSKINS --

  • I MEAN, 'RE ALL UP THERE.

  • WHEN YOU'D GO TO THE BATHROOM,

  • YOU'D SEE THESE BEETLESTHAT

  • WERE THIS BIG WITH THESE

  • POISONOUS FANGS.

  • >> Conan: THEY HAVE THOSE THINGS

  • ON THEM?

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> Conan: I HATE THOSE THINGS.

  • >> YEAH.

  • AND, LIKE, MOSQUITOES ARE LIKE

  • THIS BIG.

  • LIKE, I'M NOT KIDDING.

  • >> Conan: MOSQUITOES DRIVE UP

  • IN A CAR.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • THEY DON'T FLY.

  • THEY'RE LIHEKE, "I'M GONNA GET

  • BLOOD UP THERE."

  • >> IT'S TRUE.

  • AND THEY HAVE THESE BIG,

  • GIANT -- THESE OTHER BUGS.

  • AND THEY'D CATCH THEM OUT

  • OF THE AIR.

  • AND THEY WOULD CATCH THEM,

  • AND THEY STICK THEM, AND THEN

  • THEY ROAST THEM, AND THEEAT

  • THEM.

  • >> Conan: NO, THEY DON'T.

  • >> I SWEAR.

  • >> Conan: THEY'RE ROASTING --

  • THEY'RE CATCHING THESE FLYING

  • BUGS.

  • >> THESE FLYING BUGS.

  • STICK 'EM, ROAST 'EM.

  • >> Conan: DID YOU TRY ONE?

  • >> OH, NO.

  • THEY'RE LIKE BIG GIANT MAGGOTS

  • WITH WINGS.

  • >> Conan: GOTTA TRY ONE.

  • >> YEAH, RIGHT.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • YOU COULD GET MALARIA

  • OR SOMETHING.

  • >> Conan: YEAH, AND ALSO IT

  • WOULD JUST BE GROSS.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • I WOULDN'T --

  • >> YOU'D HAVE TO BE

  • IN THE BATHROOM FOR, LIKE,

  • THREE DAYS.

  • >> Conan: WELL, IN THE BUSHES

  • FOR THREE DAYS, YEAH.

  • I'VE DONE THAT.

  • [ LAUGHTER ]

  • I'M A BADASS.

  • OKAY, I'M JUST ACTING CRAZY.

  • I'M SORRY.

  • >> WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

  • >> Conan: I KNOW.

  • I'M SORRY.

  • I'LL STRAIGHTEN OUT NEXT TIME.

  • "DARK ANGEL" IS ON TUESDAY

  • NIGHTS AT 9:00 ON FOX.

  • CONGRATULATIONS.

  • >> THANK YOU.

  • >> Conan: YEAH, YOSEEM LIKE

  • A REALLY NICE PERSON.

  • I'M HAPPY FOR YOU, YEAH.

  • COME ON BACK SOMETIME.

  • I'LL BE MORE SANE THEN.

  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

  • JESSICA ALBA, EVERYBODY.

[ CHEE AND APPLAUSE ]

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