Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles ANTHONY BOURDAIN: I was in Bangkok, and I try to get on the elevator on the 15th floor. The doors open. There's Steven Seagal in a little Nancy Kwan outfit with a prayer rug holding his massive girth and 2 bodyguards. It was like, next elevator. It's like, what the fuck? Is it direct-to-video, motherfucker? I can't take the same elevator as this jowly fucking hairball? What the fuck? Yeah, but I've talked a lot of shit about Steven Seagal lately, so if you see him tonight, that's what those are for. He's got a reach. HELEN CHO: Next elevator. ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Get under his reach. Get under his reach. DIANE SCHUTZ: --On the street. Just on the street. HELEN CHO: Next elevator, motherfucker. ANTHONY BOURDAIN: My name's Anthony Bourdain, and I work with Zero Point Zero Production making a television show called No Reservations. I travel around the world eating and drinking and making self-indulgent television. We have a core road crew. Diane Schutz, segment producer. Helen Cho, the director of social media. Zach Zamboni is a cinematographer and a shooter-- camera person. Then, of course, Tom Vitale, my go-to producer. Basically, these are my partners in telling stories all over the world. These are the people who I spend most of my waking hours with. They're my closest associates and friends. I have something to present to you tonight. HELEN CHO: Oh, no. ANTHONY BOURDAIN: This is for you. You might need this later. HELEN CHO: Oh, I will. That's sick. DIANE SCHUTZ: That's pretty awesome. ZACH ZAMBONI: Let's go eat. ANTHONY BOURDAIN: I had no life outside of the restaurant business. I was at work all day, and at night, I would go out with other chefs and talk about business. So the transition to television, in that regard, isn't that much of a leap. What do I do? I work all day. I'm friends with the people I work with. And when we're not working, when the cameras are off, we continue to eat and drink and talk about work. So-- there it is. ZACH ZAMBONI: We're going to Salumeria Rosi. ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Every once in a while, like special treat at the Bourdain household, I'll run over there and buy a big pile of meat. We're going to see the wizard. The wonderful wizard of meat. Thank you for hosting us. ZACH ZAMBONI: Hey, Cesare. CESARE CASELLA: Hey, how are you? ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Cesare's an old friend. He's made a bunch of shows with us. Cesare, like a lot of the chefs I've come to know and who I've come to be close friends with-- as is so often the case in my fucked-up, dysfunctional, but wonderful life-- we started out as TV friends and became real friends. SERVER: Are you-- you order, or-- ANTHONY BOURDAIN: I think what we'd like is a selection of cured meat. CESARE CASELLA: OK. ZACH ZAMBONI: A little bit of cheese. ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Just split. CESARE CASELLA: Fantastic. ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Beautiful. Good cured meat is something that's always good. It won't be too punishing early on. We're going for the long haul, here. Experience has taught me that it would have been a bad idea to start off with a pasta tasting earlier in the meal, followed by meat and more drink. I couldn't do that to my friends. ZACH ZAMBONI: Whoa! DIANE SCHUTZ: OK, that's tweetworthy. ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Look at that. It's a low-impact place to grab really good food, and one of those places that I think, just by existing, are good for the world. I mean, he makes and sells products there that other people either don't do, wouldn't do, or can't do as well. And I think it's just a person and a place that I feel really connected to. It's a happy day for me when I can go there [INAUDIBLE]. Delicious. HELEN CHO: Amazing. CESARE CASELLA: So this is the fagioli [INAUDIBLE]. DIANE SCHUTZ: Nice. ANTHONY BOURDAIN: I love that man. See, this is something that's just irresistible to me. I'm happy now. This is exactly how I like to eat. Part of the process of making the show is tweeting about it and engaging the fans. We're all serial tweeters. It's at the pathetic point. We are some sad motherfuckers here. Look at us. ZACH ZAMBONI: Like a bunch of tweens. ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Right. So, the question I had in my mind tonight was, if any of you got like some big hunk of sauce or mashed bean hanging off your cheek, would I tell you? HELEN CHO: Yeah, would you? ANTHONY BOURDAIN: You know, revenge for season 2. There was one episode where I had a nostril hair like this long hanging out-- a crusty one. DIANE SCHUTZ: Oh, you mean New Zealand? ZACH ZAMBONI: That was Uzbekistan. ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Excellent. I mean, everybody on TV has to live with the likelihood that if they hit their head, shit their pants, get arrested-- that they will themselves end up on camera. But for a sustained night out with a camera relentlessly on them-- were they uncomfortable? Who cares. I wallowed in their discomfort. ZACH ZAMBONI: We usually drink when we shoot, so feel free. ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Everybody we got with is like, such an old whore, productionwise. CAMERAMAN: Zach, you can't be shooting this show, either. ZACH ZAMBONI: OK, here. ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Zach's thinking about the lighting. Diane's bussing the table. And I'm thinking, well, did you pay? Because there is really now lower person in this world than somebody who ends up stiffing waiters. There is a 10th circle of hell just for them. So that guy's paying? [INTERPOSING VOICES] ANTHONY BOURDAIN: OK, good. Tack on-- DIANE SCHUTZ: Thank you. SERVER: You're very welcome. Have fun tonight. ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Did he tip well? ZACH ZAMBONI: 30%. ANTHONY BOURDAIN: 30%. OK. Damn. HELEN CHO: Damn. ANTHONY BOURDAIN: We don't tip that well. Let's pretend you were producing this segment. How would we deal with this transition here? Did you risk [INAUDIBLE]? Did you say, ask them where we're going now? HELEN CHO: Damn, he's onto us. DIANE SCHUTZ: Shit. ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Apparently we'll be moving on to The Distinguished Wakamba Lounge. Do you like a little Latin flavor? Do you like 8th Avenue in the '30s? DIANE SCHUTZ: That's my [INTERPOSING VOICES]. ANTHONY BOURDAIN: I've never puked in front of witnesses in my life. DIANE SCHUTZ: Ever? ANTHONY BOURDAIN: And I'm not going to start now. DIANE SCHUTZ: Really? Ever? Come on.