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  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: I was in Bangkok, and I try to get on

  • the elevator on the 15th floor.

  • The doors open.

  • There's Steven Seagal in a little Nancy Kwan outfit with

  • a prayer rug holding his massive girth and 2

  • bodyguards.

  • It was like, next elevator.

  • It's like, what the fuck?

  • Is it direct-to-video, motherfucker?

  • I can't take the same elevator as this

  • jowly fucking hairball?

  • What the fuck?

  • Yeah, but I've talked a lot of shit about Steven Seagal

  • lately, so if you see him tonight, that's

  • what those are for.

  • He's got a reach.

  • HELEN CHO: Next elevator.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Get under his reach.

  • Get under his reach.

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: --On the street.

  • Just on the street.

  • HELEN CHO: Next elevator, motherfucker.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: My name's Anthony Bourdain, and I work

  • with Zero Point Zero Production making a television

  • show called No Reservations.

  • I travel around the world eating and drinking and making

  • self-indulgent television.

  • We have a core road crew.

  • Diane Schutz, segment producer.

  • Helen Cho, the director of social media.

  • Zach Zamboni is a

  • cinematographer and a shooter--

  • camera person.

  • Then, of course, Tom Vitale, my go-to producer.

  • Basically, these are my partners in telling stories

  • all over the world.

  • These are the people who I spend most of my

  • waking hours with.

  • They're my closest associates and friends.

  • I have something to present to you tonight.

  • HELEN CHO: Oh, no.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: This is for you.

  • You might need this later.

  • HELEN CHO: Oh, I will.

  • That's sick.

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: That's pretty awesome.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: Let's go eat.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: I had no life outside of

  • the restaurant business.

  • I was at work all day, and at night, I would go out with

  • other chefs and talk about business.

  • So the transition to television, in that regard,

  • isn't that much of a leap.

  • What do I do?

  • I work all day.

  • I'm friends with the people I work with.

  • And when we're not working, when the cameras are off, we

  • continue to eat and drink and talk about work.

  • So--

  • there it is.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: We're going to Salumeria Rosi.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Every once in a while, like special treat

  • at the Bourdain household, I'll run over there and buy a

  • big pile of meat.

  • We're going to see the wizard.

  • The wonderful wizard of meat.

  • Thank you for hosting us.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: Hey, Cesare.

  • CESARE CASELLA: Hey, how are you?

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Cesare's an old friend.

  • He's made a bunch of shows with us.

  • Cesare, like a lot of the chefs I've come to know and

  • who I've come to be close friends with--

  • as is so often the case in my fucked-up, dysfunctional, but

  • wonderful life--

  • we started out as TV friends and became real friends.

  • SERVER: Are you-- you order, or--

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: I think what we'd like is a selection of

  • cured meat.

  • CESARE CASELLA: OK.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: A little bit of cheese.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Just split.

  • CESARE CASELLA: Fantastic.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Beautiful.

  • Good cured meat is something that's always good.

  • It won't be too punishing early on.

  • We're going for the long haul, here.

  • Experience has taught me that it would have been a bad idea

  • to start off with a pasta tasting earlier in the meal,

  • followed by meat and more drink.

  • I couldn't do that to my friends.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: Whoa!

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: OK, that's tweetworthy.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Look at that.

  • It's a low-impact place to grab really good food, and one

  • of those places that I think, just by existing, are

  • good for the world.

  • I mean, he makes and sells products there that other

  • people either don't do, wouldn't do,

  • or can't do as well.

  • And I think it's just a person and a place that I feel really

  • connected to.

  • It's a happy day for me when I can go there [INAUDIBLE].

  • Delicious.

  • HELEN CHO: Amazing.

  • CESARE CASELLA: So this is the fagioli [INAUDIBLE].

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: Nice.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: I love that man.

  • See, this is something that's just irresistible to me.

  • I'm happy now.

  • This is exactly how I like to eat.

  • Part of the process of making the show is tweeting about it

  • and engaging the fans.

  • We're all serial tweeters.

  • It's at the pathetic point.

  • We are some sad motherfuckers here.

  • Look at us.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: Like a bunch of tweens.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Right.

  • So, the question I had in my mind tonight was, if any of

  • you got like some big hunk of sauce or mashed bean hanging

  • off your cheek, would I tell you?

  • HELEN CHO: Yeah, would you?

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: You know, revenge for season 2.

  • There was one episode where I had a nostril hair like this

  • long hanging out-- a crusty one.

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: Oh, you mean New Zealand?

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: That was Uzbekistan.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Excellent.

  • I mean, everybody on TV has to live with the likelihood that

  • if they hit their head, shit their pants, get arrested--

  • that they will themselves end up on camera.

  • But for a sustained night out with a camera

  • relentlessly on them--

  • were they uncomfortable?

  • Who cares.

  • I wallowed in their discomfort.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: We usually drink when we shoot, so feel free.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Everybody we got with is like, such an old

  • whore, productionwise.

  • CAMERAMAN: Zach, you can't be shooting this show, either.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: OK, here.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Zach's thinking about the lighting.

  • Diane's bussing the table.

  • And I'm thinking, well, did you pay?

  • Because there is really now lower person in this world

  • than somebody who ends up stiffing waiters.

  • There is a 10th circle of hell just for them.

  • So that guy's paying?

  • [INTERPOSING VOICES]

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: OK, good.

  • Tack on--

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: Thank you.

  • SERVER: You're very welcome.

  • Have fun tonight.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Did he tip well?

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: 30%.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: 30%.

  • OK.

  • Damn.

  • HELEN CHO: Damn.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: We don't tip that well.

  • Let's pretend you were producing this segment.

  • How would we deal with this transition here?

  • Did you risk [INAUDIBLE]?

  • Did you say, ask them where we're going now?

  • HELEN CHO: Damn, he's onto us.

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: Shit.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Apparently we'll be moving on to The

  • Distinguished Wakamba Lounge.

  • Do you like a little Latin flavor?

  • Do you like 8th Avenue in the '30s?

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: That's my [INTERPOSING VOICES].

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: I've never puked in front of

  • witnesses in my life.

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: Ever?

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: And I'm not going to start now.

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: Really?

  • Ever?

  • Come on.