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  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: I was in Bangkok, and I try to get on

  • the elevator on the 15th floor.

  • The doors open.

  • There's Steven Seagal in a little Nancy Kwan outfit with

  • a prayer rug holding his massive girth and 2

  • bodyguards.

  • It was like, next elevator.

  • It's like, what the fuck?

  • Is it direct-to-video, motherfucker?

  • I can't take the same elevator as this

  • jowly fucking hairball?

  • What the fuck?

  • Yeah, but I've talked a lot of shit about Steven Seagal

  • lately, so if you see him tonight, that's

  • what those are for.

  • He's got a reach.

  • HELEN CHO: Next elevator.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Get under his reach.

  • Get under his reach.

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: --On the street.

  • Just on the street.

  • HELEN CHO: Next elevator, motherfucker.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: My name's Anthony Bourdain, and I work

  • with Zero Point Zero Production making a television

  • show called No Reservations.

  • I travel around the world eating and drinking and making

  • self-indulgent television.

  • We have a core road crew.

  • Diane Schutz, segment producer.

  • Helen Cho, the director of social media.

  • Zach Zamboni is a

  • cinematographer and a shooter--

  • camera person.

  • Then, of course, Tom Vitale, my go-to producer.

  • Basically, these are my partners in telling stories

  • all over the world.

  • These are the people who I spend most of my

  • waking hours with.

  • They're my closest associates and friends.

  • I have something to present to you tonight.

  • HELEN CHO: Oh, no.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: This is for you.

  • You might need this later.

  • HELEN CHO: Oh, I will.

  • That's sick.

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: That's pretty awesome.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: Let's go eat.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: I had no life outside of

  • the restaurant business.

  • I was at work all day, and at night, I would go out with

  • other chefs and talk about business.

  • So the transition to television, in that regard,

  • isn't that much of a leap.

  • What do I do?

  • I work all day.

  • I'm friends with the people I work with.

  • And when we're not working, when the cameras are off, we

  • continue to eat and drink and talk about work.

  • So--

  • there it is.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: We're going to Salumeria Rosi.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Every once in a while, like special treat

  • at the Bourdain household, I'll run over there and buy a

  • big pile of meat.

  • We're going to see the wizard.

  • The wonderful wizard of meat.

  • Thank you for hosting us.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: Hey, Cesare.

  • CESARE CASELLA: Hey, how are you?

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Cesare's an old friend.

  • He's made a bunch of shows with us.

  • Cesare, like a lot of the chefs I've come to know and

  • who I've come to be close friends with--

  • as is so often the case in my fucked-up, dysfunctional, but

  • wonderful life--

  • we started out as TV friends and became real friends.

  • SERVER: Are you-- you order, or--

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: I think what we'd like is a selection of

  • cured meat.

  • CESARE CASELLA: OK.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: A little bit of cheese.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Just split.

  • CESARE CASELLA: Fantastic.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Beautiful.

  • Good cured meat is something that's always good.

  • It won't be too punishing early on.

  • We're going for the long haul, here.

  • Experience has taught me that it would have been a bad idea

  • to start off with a pasta tasting earlier in the meal,

  • followed by meat and more drink.

  • I couldn't do that to my friends.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: Whoa!

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: OK, that's tweetworthy.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Look at that.

  • It's a low-impact place to grab really good food, and one

  • of those places that I think, just by existing, are

  • good for the world.

  • I mean, he makes and sells products there that other

  • people either don't do, wouldn't do,

  • or can't do as well.

  • And I think it's just a person and a place that I feel really

  • connected to.

  • It's a happy day for me when I can go there [INAUDIBLE].

  • Delicious.

  • HELEN CHO: Amazing.

  • CESARE CASELLA: So this is the fagioli [INAUDIBLE].

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: Nice.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: I love that man.

  • See, this is something that's just irresistible to me.

  • I'm happy now.

  • This is exactly how I like to eat.

  • Part of the process of making the show is tweeting about it

  • and engaging the fans.

  • We're all serial tweeters.

  • It's at the pathetic point.

  • We are some sad motherfuckers here.

  • Look at us.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: Like a bunch of tweens.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Right.

  • So, the question I had in my mind tonight was, if any of

  • you got like some big hunk of sauce or mashed bean hanging

  • off your cheek, would I tell you?

  • HELEN CHO: Yeah, would you?

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: You know, revenge for season 2.

  • There was one episode where I had a nostril hair like this

  • long hanging out-- a crusty one.

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: Oh, you mean New Zealand?

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: That was Uzbekistan.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Excellent.

  • I mean, everybody on TV has to live with the likelihood that

  • if they hit their head, shit their pants, get arrested--

  • that they will themselves end up on camera.

  • But for a sustained night out with a camera

  • relentlessly on them--

  • were they uncomfortable?

  • Who cares.

  • I wallowed in their discomfort.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: We usually drink when we shoot, so feel free.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Everybody we got with is like, such an old

  • whore, productionwise.

  • CAMERAMAN: Zach, you can't be shooting this show, either.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: OK, here.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Zach's thinking about the lighting.

  • Diane's bussing the table.

  • And I'm thinking, well, did you pay?

  • Because there is really now lower person in this world

  • than somebody who ends up stiffing waiters.

  • There is a 10th circle of hell just for them.

  • So that guy's paying?

  • [INTERPOSING VOICES]

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: OK, good.

  • Tack on--

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: Thank you.

  • SERVER: You're very welcome.

  • Have fun tonight.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Did he tip well?

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: 30%.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: 30%.

  • OK.

  • Damn.

  • HELEN CHO: Damn.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: We don't tip that well.

  • Let's pretend you were producing this segment.

  • How would we deal with this transition here?

  • Did you risk [INAUDIBLE]?

  • Did you say, ask them where we're going now?

  • HELEN CHO: Damn, he's onto us.

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: Shit.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Apparently we'll be moving on to The

  • Distinguished Wakamba Lounge.

  • Do you like a little Latin flavor?

  • Do you like 8th Avenue in the '30s?

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: That's my [INTERPOSING VOICES].

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: I've never puked in front of

  • witnesses in my life.

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: Ever?

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: And I'm not going to start now.

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: Really?

  • Ever?

  • Come on.

  • HELEN CHO: Tonight is the night, Tony.

  • Tonight is the night.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: When I was a junkie, I would throw up in

  • the great outdoors.

  • But outside of the heroin experience, no.

  • I still remember the girl who threw up next to me in second

  • grade, so that was an important experience.

  • Terry Jones--

  • lifted up her desk and blew chunks into her desk.

  • OK?

  • And that made a big impression on me.

  • And I was like, that's not going to be me.

  • So I'm pretty good at holding onto my shit.

  • Thank you.

  • I know a bar with a pool.

  • It's right behind the bar, the swimming pool is.

  • Last time I was there, I got fucking buck naked.

  • That was quite some time ago, but--

  • yeah.

  • Pre-fatherhood.

  • I'm a distinguished motherfucker now.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: Yeah, it's true.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Hence The Distinguished Wakamba Lounge.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: Yes.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: We're all thinking the same thing when

  • we go into a restaurant or a bar.

  • First thing we're thinking is music.

  • You can't afford that music.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: Uh-oh.

  • Unplug the jukebox.

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: Stop producing the show.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: The Distinguished Wakamba Lounge--

  • one of the last dive bars of its kind.

  • There are plenty of Irish dive bars around, but this is

  • really something unique to Manhattan.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Presidente?

  • Definitely you want to be drinking the Presidente--

  • good stuff there.

  • They keep it properly cold, as any proud Dominican

  • [INAUDIBLE] should be.

  • All right, so who's been here before?

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: No one?

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: No, never.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Why?

  • It's enchanting?

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: How come we haven't shot here?

  • HELEN CHO: No, we were going to shoot for the holiday.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: This one's my special place.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: Aw, you didn't want to fuck it up.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: The Wakamba Lounge has remained unchanged,

  • unapologetically and unironically.

  • That's important.

  • There's nothing hipster about the Wakamba Lounge.

  • It is what it is.

  • Anyone who's just compelled to go there after having seen

  • this-- please don't fuck it up.

  • So what are we drinking shots of?

  • Because we're drinking shots of something.

  • Definitely not tequila.

  • HELEN CHO: No, let's do whiskey.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Whiskey.

  • I think Jameson.

  • HELEN CHO: Jame-o?

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: A good Catholic whiskey.

  • HELEN CHO: Let's just drink Jame-o.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: Jame-o.

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: You sound so Williamsburg.

  • HELEN CHO: What?

  • I am not from Williamsburg, Diane.

  • DIANE SCHUTZ: I'm just saying it sounded--

  • HELEN CHO: I'm from Brooklyn.

  • Oh, sorry.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: Come here, buddy.

  • Come on, pal.

  • Yeah.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: In order to be on this show, if you want

  • the shot, you take the shot.

  • ZACH ZAMBONI: Yeah.

  • ANTHONY BOURDAIN: That's the way it works.

  • Yeah, there's no getting in and out of there without doing

  • a few shots.

  • I just love that place.

  • It's politically incorrect.

  • So, Helen.

  • I pledge to you now.