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Hi, feckers. How you doing? Sometimes, you want to say bad words.
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But sometimes, just sometimes, people get angry if you use bad words. I'm going to teach you how not to swear.
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I'm also going to teach you how to swear.
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Perfect. So, we have these words in English called "curse", "swear", or "bad words". Okay?
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These are words that people, some people, think are bad.
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Part of the reason why people believe that they're bad is people who are very religious, so if you find yourself in the middle of America,
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which means you're not on the East Coast; you're not on the West Coast;
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you're kind of in the middle, smack-dab, or if you're in Calgary or Edmonton or some certain places in Canada where people are really Christian,
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a lot of them do not like it when you say "shit".
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So, you have to choose a different word. I'm here to teach you this.
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So, "damn", now, "damn" has the religious background. So, "damn" is like, "Damn you all to hell."
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"Damn" is a bad word because they're basically going to hell and not going to heaven.
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So, instead of saying "damn", people say "dang" or "darn". "Darn it!"
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Some people go as far as to say, "Rats!"
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My grandmother's favorite, "Oh, dash!"
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Now, my grandmother was from Scotland, so I think this is kind of a Scottish translation of "damn". People in movies say "goddamn".
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That's pretty bad if you're really religious.
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Then, for all the people out there, "Oh, my God." It's been shortened now to "OMG".
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Did you know that "OMG" meant "Oh, my God"? Did you know that?
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So, this, maybe, I think, is an acceptable way for people to get around saying "Oh, my God."
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I wonder if really devout Christian people like to say "OMG". I don't know.
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So, instead of saying "God", all they do is replace it with either "gosh" or "goodness".
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So, instead of saying, "Oh, my God", you can say, "Oh, my gosh" or, "Oh, my goodness."
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For me, personally, I would say these words because I'm not religious.
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But, like I said, some people get a little bit freaked out if you use bad language. So, just to be nice, this is what you're going to do.
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Now, at a work place or in a very formal environment, people do not like it when you say swear words.
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Now, swear words are typical things, like, "fuck", "shit", "bullshit", "bitch", "mother fucker", "horseshit", "son of a bitch",
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these words are considered bad. These are bad words.
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Personally, Ronnie loves bad words. Ronnie says bad words all the time.
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It's hard for me to not say bad words sometimes. So, in an environment like my job, I cannot use bad words.
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If I'm having, or if I'm going for a job interview, I don't want to drop the F-bomb. What's the "F-bomb"? The "F-bomb" is just the word "fuck".
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People don't like the word "fuck". They think it's bad.
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So, they can say, "Ronnie dropped the F-bomb in the job interview. We're not giving her a job."
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Don't say "fuck" in a job interview unless you're a porn star; say it all you want.
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We have the word "shit". Now, "shit" is, do you like my picture? Unko, Japanese, for you.
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Shit is the stuff that comes out of your bum. It is shit. It doesn't smell nice. It's terrible.
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If you are Irish, you're going to say "shite".
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My father once said, "That's shite." And I was like, "That's cool. That's shite." I got in shit because I said "shite".
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Apparently, "shite" is a bad word, too. Some people don't know "shite" is a bad word, so you can say it.
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Go test people. People like to say "crap" because it's poo, or "poop".
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"Crap" and "poop" are just shit, okay?
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"Bologna". And you go, "Hey, isn't that a place in Italy? What do you guys have against the place in Italy? Is it terrible?"
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No, but "bologna" is sandwich meat, and, I don't know how they get this; people just go, "sandwich meat."
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Not "salami", though, "bologna". "That's bologna." It's chicken. I don't know where this came from.
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And a play on the "crap" is "crapola". "Holy crapola!" "Oh, crapola!" "That's crapola."
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All of these words are replacements for "shit" or "shite". "Holy shit" is a surprise.
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Again, we have the "holy", like, God took a shit.
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So, "holy shit", again, with the religious people, is considered bad because it's a holy shit. Double swear here.
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So, people will say "holy cow" or, "oh, snap". I don't know how that works, but these are what people have replaced this with.
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I think Bart Simpson from the Simpsons said, "Don't have a cow, man!", but I don't think he said "holy cow".
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He definitely was not allowed to say "holy shit".
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On most TV programs, they are not allowed to use swear words or bad words.
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In Canada, you cannot use them until after 9 p.m. So, after 9 p.m., on most TV stations, it's okay to say "shit".
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Woohoo! Freedom of speech. Freedom of speech has happened. "Fuck".
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You can say "frick". You can say "frak". You can say "fek".
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My personal favorite, or as I called everyone today, "feckers". "Fek", again, is the Irish word for "fuck".
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I don't know if it really means "fuck", or if it's just the accent and the way they say it, but I say "fek" all the time.
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I have an T-shirt that says "fek". Even my mother doesn't know.
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Okay?
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And, then, we have this word that's "eff". So you could be funny and put "eff you".
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"Oh, eff me?" "Eff you" means "fuck you", but you can't say "fuck", so you say, "Eff you."
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And then, you have the -ing.
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So, sometimes, you wanna say somethings like, "This is fucking tasty. I love it." But that's a bad word, so you can say, "This is flippin' delicious."
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Or, "This is effin' wonderful." "This is freakin' great." "Frig" also means "fuck".
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"Fudge". If you're really, really, really, really angry, and you want to say a bad word, you can say, "Oh, fudge!" "Fiddlesticks. Fiddlesticks! Fiddlesticks!"
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I really don't know how they get this other than it has the same F sound. So, "effin'", "freakin'", "frig", or "friggin'".
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"Fudge", "fiddlesticks", the "F-bomb", "frick", "frak", "fek", "flippin'", and "eff", they just mean "fuck".
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Okay?
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In this one, actually, we have to put f-l-i-p-p-i-n' because when you're going to replace the swear words, you've got to get the spelling correct, too. Okay?
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Then, we have one of my favorites, "bullshit". "Bullshit" means someone's telling you something that you think is not true.
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So, for example, if I said to you, "I'm going to give everyone watching this video $10,000." You can say, "That's bullshit, Ronnie."
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Or, if you don't want to say "bullshit", you can say, "Hey, that's BS."
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It just means "bullshit" or "bullspit".
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Bull's spit. Okay? "That's bull spit." Okay? Or you could just say, "That's bull".
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When I was a child, I think I said "bullshit" once, and I got in trouble, so I said "BS", and that was fine. I don't know.
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Even more outrageously crazy is "horseshit". Okay? Bullshit, maybe bulls shit a little bit.
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Horses, goddamn, they shit a lot. "Horseshit" is 900 times bigger and better than "bullshit".
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So, if I said to you, "Not only will I give you $10,000, I am going to give you a car. You can come to Canada and live in my house, and I will cook you food every day."
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You would say, "Well that, right there, is a load of horseshit, Ronnie" because none of this is true.
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But if you want to say a bad word for "shit", you can say "horse pucky". "Pucky" means "poo", horse poo. "That's horse pucky."
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Now, some of these ones, when I look at them or think about them, they make me giggle because to me, it's really, really, really American,
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and it's really the middle states of America. And these people are really, really, really Christian. So, they say, "That's horse pucky."
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I kind of have to do it with a little Texan accent. "You kind of got to kick your heels up."
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This one, people don't like this. "Mother fucker".
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People hate when you call them a "mother fucker". Okay? So instead of saying this, maybe you've seen this, "MoFo".
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"Hey, MoFo." "MoFo?" What's a MoFo? "MoFo" is "mother fucker". Okay?
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In TV, again, they're not allowed to say "mother fucker". Some movies, they don't say this, so they say "MoFo".
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Oh, these are funny. Instead of saying "mother fucker", you can say "monkey father".
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"Hey, you, monkey father, I don't like you at all."
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Or, even worse, "Look at you being a melon farmer. Do you grow melons? You're a bad person." "Hey, melon farmer, I'm going to kill you."
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Somehow, it doesn't have the same punch as "mother fucker".
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These swear words or these bad words are things that we have developed in our society to think that they're bad.
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"Bitch". "Bitch" has two meanings. One, it's a female dog. Two, it's a nasty... there's three. It's a nasty woman.
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Or four, it's a man in jail, who you do everything... who does everything for you.
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So, we also have the word "biatch". You've heard this before, haven't you?
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So, people will say, "Hey, bitch." "Bitch" is a bad word, so they say "biatch". It's in a lot of rap music, too.
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Then, we have, maybe, you "son of a bitch". That's just like "mother fucker". That's just bad.
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"You insulting my mama?" So, instead of saying "son of a bitch", people say "son of a gun".
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Your mother had sex with a gun. Is that better? Or, "SOB". "He's a dirty SOB."
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Son of a bitch. SOB.
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I have a special request or special saying that I'd like to teach you guys. And it's from the Indian language, and it's "benchod".
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Apparently, "benchod" means "sister fucker".
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But it also means "great pleasure". I haven't quite figured that one out yet. Is it good? Is it bad? Maybe it's great. Maybe it's slang.
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If you want to learn more slang, check out more slang videos on EngVid.
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Why would you not want to swear? How not to swear? Why don't we just swear all the time?
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Job interviews, workplaces, if you ever meet my mother, don't swear in front of her.
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Some people, a lot of older people don't like it when you swear. It's rude. It's vulgar.
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Some people think it's obscene. That's cool. Everyone has their own opinion.
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So, if you need to think of ways not to swear, "gosh", "golly", "gee", you've got it right here.
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See you later, y'all.
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"This is a frackin' joke." "Oh, give me a frackin' break." "Shut the frack up."
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"Get to the frackin' point." "I fracked up." "Come, mother fracker." "You can tell me I fracked up." "Tell me I fracked up." "Tell me I fracked up."