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  • - I love you so much, and I thought I could get you.

  • I didn't get you. - You did get me.

  • - No, I didn't get you. - You scared me--you did.

  • You scared me, and I'm a fan of yours,

  • and you know I love you, and you still scared me.

  • - Yeah.

  • - And you just did it, and you just--

  • You're not mean-spirited. - No.

  • - You're just cr-- a little cruel.

  • - Yeah. - And, yeah.

  • I came in--

  • - It's not cruel. It's just sneaky.

  • - [laughing] It's sneaky.

  • But I kind of felt something was gonna happen,

  • and I came in, and the producer said to me,

  • "Go on into the-- this is your dressing room.

  • "Go into the bathroom.

  • Ellen has an old picture of you and her from years ago."

  • And I go, "Ugh, it's probably an awful picture."

  • He goes, "It's pretty funny. You'll laugh at it.

  • She hung it in the bathroom."

  • And I go, "Okay," and I go to the bathroom.

  • The door is creaked a little bit closed.

  • - Well, all right, let's show--

  • this is me trying to scare him.

  • - This was minutes ago.

  • I'm walking in, and I go. What the heck?

  • That's the bathroom. I'm about to go in there.

  • [men speaking indistinctly]

  • You sure? - Yep.

  • - I knew it.

  • Oh, God, something's gonna jump out and scare me.

  • Yeah, I knew it. [laughter]

  • I'll just do it.

  • I don't like getting scared.

  • [shouts] - [screams]

  • - [screams]

  • [laughter]

  • [speaking indistinctly]

  • I knew it! - You knew it.

  • How did you know it?

  • - I did get scared too, 'cause you go, "Whoo-ha-ha."

  • - Yeah, but then-- [both laugh]

  • But then I was thinking, "Oh, I wish I wasn't there,

  • 'cause then you would've just done that all by yourself.

  • [laughter] That would've been--

  • - That would've been really embarrassing.

  • - That would've been better. - Yeah.

  • I'm always getting embarrassed. Yeah.

  • But I'm so happy to be here.

  • I never get a chance to see you because...

  • - I know. - I'm in New York, but now--

  • - I watch you all the time. [cheers and applause]

  • Such a great job.

  • - I got to come out. You do the best show.

  • And I got to thank you for always supporting me.

  • And you sent me and my staff a bunch of fun things

  • like cotton candy one day and popcorn and snow cones

  • and just made everyone's day.

  • You're just so cool.

  • - Yeah, well, you're doing a great job.

  • I'm loving the show, and it's so much fun.

  • -Thanks. - And you're doing

  • - I mean, were you nervous about actually even going--

  • I mean, you're doing-- you've been doing a show anyway,

  • it's just now "The Tonight Show."

  • - Right, it's just a change of title.

  • But they're big shoes to fill with Jay Leno,

  • and so the first night especially, I was nervous,

  • because I go, "Do I just come out

  • and just do jokes like I've been on

  • 'The Tonight Show' for years",

  • or "do I come out and go, 'Hey, guys.

  • This is what a talk show is.'"

  • Because there might be some kids watching

  • that've never seen a talk show but, since I'm new,

  • they'll give it a shot and-- 'cause when I was a kid,

  • I would ask my parents for permission.

  • "Can I stay up, watch Johnny Carson?"

  • It was a big deal, you know,

  • just to stay up to watch the monologue.

  • So I thought, "I'll come out,

  • I'll explain what a talk show is,

  • then I'll go, you know, 'This is my sidekick,'

  • and then I'll leave and come back out and tell jokes."

  • So I called Jay Leno.

  • I go, "What do you think of that idea?"

  • He goes...

  • [as Jay Leno] "I'd just come out and tell jokes."

  • And I go, "That's what I was thinking, but"--

  • I go, "Now I'm confused."

  • And so I talked to my head writer,

  • and he goes-- he goes--

  • I go "Jay says 'just to come out

  • and tell jokes like I've been doing it.'."

  • And he goes, "Yeah, but he's Jay Leno,

  • and you're--you're your thing.

  • It's a different flavor. It's a different thing.

  • Go out and do what you feel like you should do."

  • And so I did that, and I--

  • I did that, and that went great,

  • and I explained what a talk show was

  • and that a human comes out and tells jokes about the news.

  • I mean, so kids who have never seen it,

  • now they know what it is.

  • And then I came out, and I'm start--

  • I came out, did some jokes,

  • and I made a joke about high school or something.

  • And of course my mom and dad are in the audience

  • 'cause it was my first "Tonight Show."

  • And my dad heckles me.

  • - I saw that. [laughter]

  • - Do you believe-- can you believe that?

  • - No. No, did he-- - Can you believe my life?

  • - Why? - That was--

  • I couldn't believe it was happening.

  • I go, "What is going on?"

  • Like, your son--

  • this is probably the most nerve-racking

  • he's ever going to be, and you heckle?

  • I go-- here's what happened.

  • I said--made some joke about, "Hey, Dad."

  • Or, you know, "I didn't"--

  • Or, "Mom and Dad, I didn't graduate high school"--

  • which I did, but it was a joke.

  • I go, "I didn't graduate high school, but here I am.

  • I'm host of 'The Tonight Show.'"

  • And everyone was laughing.

  • They clapped. It was a funny joke.

  • And my dad goes, "We paid a lot of money for that school."

  • [laughter]

  • Got a giant laugh. Bigger laugh than my laugh.

  • - Yeah. - People were clapping.

  • I'm like, "Did that just happen?

  • "Did I just-- I just heard my dad's voice

  • yelling at me."

  • And the other thing is, I went to public school.

  • He didn't pay a lot of money.

  • I'm like, "Are you talking about taxes?"

  • I don't really get into math with my dad.

  • What are you talking about?

  • - He was just making up stuff for a joke.

  • - Butt out! Yes. Get your own show.

  • Yeah. - Oh, my God.

  • - [chuckles] I love 'em.

  • I love 'em. They're great people.

  • - Well, they've got to be so proud of you.

  • - They really are.

  • My mom calls me all the time--

  • and most of the time she calls, it's to say

  • who was great on your show.

  • She always goes, "Oh, Ellen was great the other day.

  • She had Bradley Cooper on."

  • I'm like, "Oh, yeah, well,

  • "we've had Bradley Cooper on too.

  • We've had some fun things."

  • She goes, "I know, but--

  • so here's what Ellen did with Bradley."

  • I go, "I don't want to hear about Ellen's show!

  • I know that show's a great show."

  • - That's hilarious. - She loves you.

- I love you so much, and I thought I could get you.

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