[POLICE SIREN]

Hey, you got a permit for those guns?

I got your permit right here.

[80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC]

Catchy tune.

[SOUND EFFECTS AND SHOOTING FROM ARCADE GAMES]

[GEEK IN ARCADE] Fuck this game.

FUCK YOU! [ARCADE GAME BEEPING]

[STATIC FROM ARCADE GAME]

[CLANKING AND WHIRRING OF MACHINERY]

[CAR HORNS HONKING AND PEOPLE SCREAMING]

[PEOPLE SCREAMING AND BABY CRYING]

[SIGNAL FROM POLICE WALK TALKIE] We need backup, we need Kung Fury.

[GUN SHOTS AND SCREAMING IN THE DISTANCE]

[SEDUCTIVE 80'S SAXOPHONE MUSIC]

Yeah, that's my bicep.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

One second babe.

Hello?

[POLICE OFFICER] We got an arcade machine down here going crazy,

it is killing everybody, it's destruction, chaos, terror-

[CRUNCHING OF PLASTIC]

What are you gonna do?

My job.

[80'S SYNTHPOP ACTION MUSIC]

[CAR ENGINE REVVING]

[PEOPLE SCREAMING AND DOG WHIMPERING]

[CAR HORNS HONKING AND CAR ACCELERATING]

[80'S TECHNOPOP ACTION MUSIC]

[INTERFERENCE IN MUSIC]

[MUSIC KICKS BACK IN]

[FUTURISTIC GUN SHOTS]

[INTERFERENCE IN MUSIC]

[END OF 80'S TECHNOPOP ACTION MUSIC]

Game over.

[STATIC FROM FAILING MACHINERY]

[KUNG FURY] I'm a cop and damn good at my job.

It all began years ago.

In the line of duty,

me and my partner were chasing down

a mysterious Kung Fu-master.

[KUNG FURY] You're under arrest, punk.

Show us your hands.

[CLINKING OF METAL CLASPS CLOSING]

Good work, Dragon.

That crazy stunt could've killed us both.

But goddammit, you're the best partner I've ever had.

Thanks, I learned from the best.

You're like a father to me. [SWORD SWINGING]

[KUNG FURY] With one fatal blow, he hit my partner.

[SQUELCHING]

[KUNG FURY] I could tell he was dead straight off.

[TENSE MUSIC AND KUNG-FU MASTER GRUNTING]

[EERY ECHOING AND DRIPPING OF BLOOD]

[KUNG FURY] Before I could pull the trigger

I was hit by lightning and bitten by a cobra.

I blacked out.

[EERY ECHOING AND SOFT TINKLING]

And saw images of ancient Shaolin temples and monks,

mastering the art of Kung Fu.

There was an ancient prophecy,

about a new form of Kung Fu so powerful,

only one man could master it.

The chosen one.

When I woke up,

I saw the Kung Fu master running towards me.

I could feel my body mutate

into some sort of Kung Fu freak of nature.

[KUNG FU MASTER SCREAMING]

[80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC WITH A KUNG FU UNDERTONE]

You!

You are the chosen one!

- Knock, knock. - Who's there?

Knuckles.

[KUNG FU MASTER SCREAMING IN THE DISTANCE]

[TENSE MUSIC AND FIRE CRACKLING]

[KUNG FURY] As a memento,

I put on a strip of cloth from the dead Kung Fu master.

I decided I would use my new super Kung Fu powers

to fight crime.

So, I became the best cop in the world.

I became, Kung Fury.

[80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC]

[80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC FADES OUT]

[STATIC FROM RADIO AND NOISES FROM THE CITY]

[CHIEF MCNICKLES] I don't wanna hear it Kung Fury.

I just got back from city hall, $50 million worth of damages,

and I got the mayor up my ass like a fag on Viagra.

How am I going to explain this to the press, hm?

You just destroyed an entire city block for Christ's sake.

Didn't you tell me to block it out?

I told you do it by the book.

Cut the bullshit.

Nobody else could have stopped

that arcade machine and you know it.

[CHIEF MCNICKLES] Oh man, listen to me Kung Fury.

You need to start following the rules like the rest of us,

so I'm assigning you a new partner.

What? Hell no, I work alone.

Not anymore you don't.

Say hi to your new partner, Triceracop.

Very nice meeting you Kung Fury,

looking forward to working with you.

You're like a father to me.

I work alone.

Either you team up with Triceracop,

or you're off the case.

I'm not off the case,

I quit.

[80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC]

[80'S SYNTHPOP MUSIC COMING FROM RADIO]

Yeah Yeah, I did the blood test.

It was positive, yeah?

[GIRL ON PHONE] What the hell are you talking about?

Yeah no problem.

[HITLER] Give me the phone.

[TENSE MUSIC]

[HITLER DIALLING PHONE]

What the hell is this?

[TELELPHONE RINGING]

- Chief McNickles speaking. - Is this the police?

- Yeah, this is the police. - Fuck you!

[POLICE OFFICERS SHOUTING HYSTERICALLY]

[BULLETS PINGING OFF WALLS AND GLASS SMASHING]

MALFUNCTIONING?

[PHONE BEEPING]

I need someone to trace that call!

But that's impossible!

[HACKERMAN] Not for me it isn't.

[ROCK AND ROLL GUITAR RIFF]

[KUNG FURY] Hackerman, he's the most powerful hacker of all time.

Follow me.

[HACKERMAN] I was able to triangulate the cell phone signal

and trace the caller.

His name is Adolf Hitler.

Hitler, he's the worst criminal of all time.

Do you know him, sir?

I guess you could say that.

In the 1940's, Hitler was a Kung Fu champion.

[KUNG FURY] He was so good at Kung Fu,

that he decided to change his name to Kung Führer.

But he didn't stop there.

He knew of the Kung Fury prophecy,

and wanted to claim the throne.

He and his posse of Nazi soldiers

conducted experiments for years.

[TENSE MUSIC WITH A KUNG FU UNDERTONE]

But they weren't able to figure out

how to master the art of Kung Fury.

And one day,

he disappeared from the face of the earth.

And no-one has seen him ever since.

Until now.

I guess he figured if he could find and kill the chosen one,

he would become Kung Fury himself.

He must have traveled in time in order to get here,

that's probably why he disappeared.

So, what're you gonna do?

My job.

I'm gonna go back in time to Nazi Germany,

and kill Hitler, once and for all.

[HACKERMAN] So, how are you gonna do that?

I'm not sure.

I need some sort of time machine.

Wait a minute,

using an RX modulator, I might be able to conduct

a mainframe cell direct and hack the uplink to the download.

What does that mean?

With the right algorithms, I can hack you back in time.

Just like a time machine.

Well then, it's hacking time.

[80'S TECHNOPOP ACTION MUSIC]

[80'S ACTION MUSIC FADES TO STATIC]

[ACTION MUSIC KICKS BACK IN]

[COMPUTER BEEPING]

Oh, no!