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  • In Time is one of the most confusingly stupid movies I've ever seen. The concept was all right, but what happened?

  • Justin Timberlake has proved that he's a capable actor before, but what happened?

  • And the writer and director of this film is Andrew Niccol, who made Gattaca, Lord of War, and even wrote The Truman Show.

  • So what happened? Well that's what I'm here to find out.

  • Now, when I say the concept's all right, I mean at least it was original. It's set in a world where time is literally money.

  • You have a clock on your arm that says how much time you have left, and when you run outta time, you die.

  • [clip] - Time is money, yes. - Time IS money, but, like, now it's actually, literally... money.

  • Your clocks starts when you're 25, so when you're 25, as long as you keep getting time,

  • which you can get just by working, or killing people, or whatever, then you don't even age.

  • So, the rich people that are like a hundred, they still look like they're 25. But does this mean that gravity doesn't work?

  • I mean, when people get old, they start sagging, because of gravity, overtime.

  • People's noses get droopy, you get the double chin gullet, saggy genitals. Would gravity not affect your body after you're 25?

  • I guess we're never gonna find out the science behind it, but, eehh, it's the future. Now all the women can be hot.

  • So we start the movie of with a scene Justin Timberlake and his mom, and the actress is actually younger than JT.

  • I appreciate that this movie is trying to be different, but I think it's kinda affecting how we view their chemistry.

  • MILF!

  • [clip] - Bella's daughter is always asking about you. - Who has time for a girlfriend?

  • [YMS] And so it begins. I think one of the biggest problems with this movie, is that they can't fucking help themselves.

  • Every time they talk about time, it's a pun.

  • There are already so many colloquialisms that use time, that they decided to just use all of them.

  • And it makes it really hard to take this movie seriously.

  • Maybe if they hadn't used every opportunity to turn it into a joke, then this movie might be worth your time.

  • [rimshot]

  • All in all, it makes this universe harder to believe. It turns every conversation into a clusterfuck.

  • [clip] I'll give you 10 minutes for an hour.

  • Like, you'd think that if we started using time as currency in the future, they call it something different.

  • Like, it's not really time, anyway, it's measured by time, but it's just another fake currency.

  • Time is just a measurement, you can't sell a measurement. You can measure what you sell.

  • They're just trading numbers on their wrist that correspond with time, so it's not really time.

  • Why wouldn't you just call it something different? Great fucking idea. Gooooood... dammit.

  • We learn that Justin Timberlake lives in the slums, and everybody's poor, barely making enough time to get through the day.

  • [clip] - You got a minute? - You talking about, Maya? You have a whole year.

  • [YMS] Ungh. He's such a nice and stupid person, that he gets her five minutes of his life.

  • We learn about inflating prices and the struggle that people are going through, and then we get to see what people look like when they die.

  • And this raises a few questions: if time is constantly disappearing, does that mean the economy is constantly disappearing?

  • If there's inflation, that means that they're making time faster than people spend the time on each person's... arm.

  • I guess we're never gonna figure out the math behind it, but, eehh, it's the future.

  • [clip] - Oh wo wo, what is this? - Never met the quota.

  • - My units are up from last week. - So's the quota.

  • [YMS] Isn't this so relatable to current society? Kinda like the beginning of Death Race.

  • He goes to a bar to find his friend.

  • [clip] I don't have time to gamble any more.

  • [YMS] And there's a really rich guy there. Why doesn't the time show upon the other side of your arm?

  • It would make it a lot easier to conceal how much time you have.

  • Like, I get it. They wanted to make it so that people looked at their wrists like they were looking at watches, but it's kinda impractical.

  • Some gangsters show up out of nowhere, and this movie, once again, can't help itself but to call them something ridiculous.

  • [clip] Minute Men, Minute Men!

  • [YMS] I guess one are the disadvantages of living in this world, is that if someone takes all the money on you,

  • even if you have a lot in the bank, you die.

  • They're about to fuck him up, when suddenly...

  • "Wah! Let's go!" Justin Timberlake blocks the door with the dumpster, all by himself, and then the several goons can't even open the door.

  • [clip] - Where the hell are you going? - Get in here!

  • I know who he is.

  • Who he was.

  • [YMS] Least intimidating villain, ever.

  • The two escape without harm, and quickly exchange names

  • [clip] - Henry Hamilton - Will Salas

  • [YMS] Oh, your name's Will Salas? I was almost expecting your name to be Justin Time. Get it?

  • [clip] How old are you? In real time.

  • [YMS] Well, that's kind of a redundant clarification. Everyone's 25, fucking idiot.

  • He starts to tell Justin Timberlake about how he's suicidal: he's lived so long that he's bored.

  • And then explains why there's such a financial inequality.

  • [clip] Cost of living keeps rising to make sure people keep dying.

  • [YMS] As if it wasn't really obvious from the beginning, or for anybody in this movie.

  • If it wasn't the case, then they just sell the genes to immortality, not replace the currency with time.

  • If that were the case, then people would have to die at 25. I guess everybody's really stupid.

  • [clip] If I had all that time, I sure as hell wouldn't waste it.

  • [YMS] Mr. Suicide Man decides to give JT all of his money, while he's sleeping.

  • Kinda makes people vulnerable, if you can exchange time like that without them needing to be conscious.

  • You'd think that at least one character in this movie would have, like, a metal band around their wrists, so that couldn't happen.

  • "Aw, shit. I'm rich! Where'd he go?" [sighs at 'time' pun]

  • Oh no, he's about to kill himself. I wonder what happens to your body when you die.

  • What the fuck? I guess we'll never understand the biology behind it, but, eehh, it's the fucking future.

  • [clip] I finally got the time to take my mom to New Greenwich.

  • [YMS] He finds his alcoholic friend, and gives him ten years. How do you control it so accurately?

  • I mean, if there's conscious thought going into every exchange, then wouldn't people not be able to steal it?

  • Maybe they're just all really good at TIMING when to stop.

  • [YMS] - The full girth of your arm. - If you wanted to give, transfer time to me, you would do it like this.

  • Right. You w... yeah. So, it would be with your right hand, and so, if I'm on top I'm taking time, and if you're on top, you're taking time.

  • Oh, that's how that works, OK. And, and, and, how...

  • [audience laughs]

  • [YMS] JT's mom tries to catch the bus, but the price doubled, and she's half an hour short.

  • [clip] - It's a two-hour walk. I have an hour and a half. - Then you'd better run.

  • [YMS] "Ah, shit!" When Timberlake notices his mom doesn't get off the bus, he's like "Uh oh. And I should run, and... save her"

  • He runs into her, and she only has 10 seconds left on her fucking clock. But wait a minute.

  • If it was a two-hour walk, that means that she was running at 1.5 times the speed of her walking pace.

  • Not even. He started running, when she had 20 minutes left, so apparently her running speed is like, the same as her walking speed.

  • Here's an idea, take off your fucking heels.

  • [clip] Argh!

  • Rah, hah, hah!

  • [YMS] So, if anybody's wondering why I've been calling him Justin Timberlake this whole time, and not Will Salas,

  • it's because this is one of those movies where I only see Justin Timberlake.

  • I don't see a character, I just see JT. He's not a bad actor at all, but he's entirely dependent on the director.

  • As long as he has the right direction, his performances are solid, but something went wrong here.

  • [clip] Um, well, I don't know. Honestly, I didn't really considered, er...

  • When you're making the film, you don't think about leading role versus a supporting role, I think you just kind of get into character,

  • and, you know. You get lost in the character. This role, to me, was, was somebody that I admired, and someone that I felt really close to.

  • Um, so I probably put a little more of myself into the character, of this, of this role.

  • [YMS] We get introduced to Cillian Murphy's character, who is a Timekeeper. Yep.

  • [clip] Around here, they'd kill you for a week.

  • [YMS] His partner suggest the idea that maybe he killed himself, and then Cillian Murphy's like, "Ah, nobody ever kills themselves."

  • Like apparently, just because immortality exists, suicide's unheard of.

  • [clip] - What would you like to do, sir? - What we always do. Follow the time.

  • So JT gets a luxury cab to pick him up, and take him to New Greenwich; this is where all the rich people are.

  • So to get there, you have to cross several time zones. Yeah, you can't call it a toll any more, this is a time zone.

  • [clip] Please deposit one month.

  • [YMS] Do they still not have real time zones? Isn't that a bit confusing?

  • [clip] - What are you really doing here? - I'm gonna take them for everything they've got.

  • [YMS] Why would you say that? Make it, like, two minutes in a city and then get reported for terrorism.

  • He makes it in any way, and gets an expensive hotel room.

  • [clip] - What's a night here cost? - Two months.

  • [YMS] Meanwhile, the Timekeepers are trying to track him down.

  • [clip] He could have capsuled the time. - You can't hide a hundred years in the ghetto.

  • [YMS] The only reason they're looking for him, is because they saw him on camera,

  • but the camera totally didn't catch the fact that he didn't kill him.

  • [clip] The camera doesn't show us how the body got into the river.

  • [YMS] Oh, so when they showed the shot of the camera looking down on him, after the fact, so it kinda looks like he killed him,

  • oh, that's convenient. Was the camera just looking at the clouds beforehand? Gotta keep an eye on those clouds.

  • So, JT spends his time scarfing down some food, and Amanda Seyfried just creepily watches him from the background.

  • She was watching him in the last scene, too. She clearly has no friends.

  • He they decides to spend all of his time gambling, and he comes across this asshole.

  • [clip] Isn't this just the next logical step in our evolution? And, hasn't evolution always been unfair? It's always been survival of the fittest.

  • [YMS] Those damn evolutionists, and their Darwinian principles.

  • [clip] - I call. -That puts you all in, Mr. Salas.

  • [YMS] Yep. He nearly kills himself, and then he collects his winnings all slow and casual, even though he's about to die.

  • Now she's wet. And he's super rich, so he spends fifty nine years of his life buying a car.

  • Now they're off to some really well developed romantic chemistry.

  • But, oh no! The Timekeepers see him going into the party, and they totally recycled the security camera shot from a previous shot.

  • But it doesn't matter, cuz they're falling in love.

  • He's gonna teach her how to have fun, by going swimming in the ocean, oh, that's so dangerous(!)

  • And now, I'm thinking this movie isn't actually that original after all.

  • Maybe if you hadn't directed Gattaca, then it wouldn't be so obvious that you're recycling it.

  • Come to think of it, both of these films are about the failures of future genetic modifications.

  • You didn't need to remake Gattaca, you just mixed it with Logan's Run.

  • Anyway, the Timekeepers catch up to him, and they just take all of his money, I mean, time, without a trial.

  • JT explains his story but the Timekeeper's like "Suicide, that's impossible."

  • Wouldn't you know it, Justin Timberlake now knows some ninja moves.

  • And he only decided to use them after most of his time got stolen. Maybe there were some really cheap judo lessons in the ghetto.

  • Oh look, a car chase! In less than a day, Justin Timberlake became experienced enough of a driver to outmaneuver the Timekeeper.

  • Yay!

  • They make their way back to the ghetto, and apparently you don't even need to pay at time zones on the way there, but oh no, a trap.

  • How are you still in your car? You weren't even wearing seatbelts?

  • The Minute Men steal all of her time, except half an hour, because they gotta run, cuz the cops are showing up.

  • And what convenient timing: you both manage to wake up after they stole your shit, but before the cops showed up.

  • "Haaah"

  • So now, they gotta find some more time before they both die. "Oh, I know, why don't we get some from my alcoholic friend?"

  • [clip] You gave him a decade. Drank himself to death with nine years off his clock.

  • [YGS] "Well, fuck! OK, let's pawn some jewelry, then"

  • "Oh no, the cops!" I like how he pre-emptively covers her mouth, even though she wasn't screaming.

  • JT walks around with her in public with a gun on her the whole time, and he's like,

  • "Give a thousand years to the poor people here, or else you won't see her again."

  • So they hang out for the night, and he shows her the art of time fighting.

  • [clip] He'd let his time go all the way down, and they think it's over. They start watching your clock, and forget to watch their own.

  • [YMS] Wait, that doesn't make any sense.

  • Yeah, cuz they're looking at your wrist, that means that they won't notice whose other wrist is on top.

  • Urgh! Fucking stupid.

  • I'm sure this won't be reincorporated later(!)

  • They check out the window, to see if her father paid the ransom, but no, it says "Out of time".

  • He decides that if they're not gonna pay the ransom anyway, he might as well let her go.

  • And, aw! She kisses him right in front of the Timeshare.

  • [clip] - Who was the best screen kisser, Amanda Seyfried, or Mila Kunis? - Um, they're both really good.

  • [YMS] JT just sits on the curb with a gun. Uh oh, the Timekeeper's here.

  • It doesn't matter though, cuz he fails really hard, and they take his gun and his car.

  • Before he leaves though, JT gives him a little bit of time, cuz Timekeepers apparently don't make that much.

  • But you know what would have been smarter?

  • Just let the dude fill up in his car first, then you wouldn't be wasting your own time.

  • They decide they need to ditch the car, so they get a new one, by stealing it.

  • I'm not sure if that guy was driving so slow to try and beat you over the head with a point,

  • or if it was because it made it a lot easier to do that 'stunt'.

  • [clip] I'd say "Your money, or your life", but, since your money is your life.

  • [YMS] Oh no! They're wanted on the news, and look, they've recycled another shot.

  • What bothers me about movies like this, is that there's never any chemistry between the characters' personalities.

  • They're just blank slates, brought together by circumstance; it doesn't even matter how the two of them act, they're just good guys.

  • JT might as well just be saying, "Well, you're the female lead, so... wanna make out?"

  • Now there's a scene with these two characters and all I can think is,

  • "These guys don't even look 25. They look more like they're 35. Just saying."

  • The rich asshole sees if he can find away to pay the timekeeper to forget that his daughter just shot him, but he doesn't take bribes.

  • You'd think that cops, especially in this environment, where they get paid jack shit, would at least be a little corrupt.

  • JT and his bitch decide rob a bank now, and despite the fact that they almost run several innocent people over,

  • it's really easy to take the money. I mean, time.

  • They left the vault open and everything.

  • Yeah, that silhouette looks real cool, even though it doesn't really explain why all the lights in there are turned off.

  • And in true Robin Hood spirit, they just give it all away.

  • [clip] - So help yourselves, and take a day. - Take a month.

  • They redistribute the wealth like nobody's business, but why does he have to do it wearing a mask and holding them at gunpoint?

  • They're being real nice, but wouldn't you know it, there are some unforeseen consequences.

  • Now everyone's telling themselves over all this time.

  • [clip] I finally had time to buy one of these.

  • [YMS] I like how he doesn't hear the car coming back for him, and I also like how if you die of anything other than timing out,

  • your money just disappears. I mean, your time. This economy is fucked.

  • They hide out in a hotel, but the Timekeeper finds them anyway.

  • [clip] - How did you know, sir? - This is where the hours and the days are.

  • [YMS] Chase scene time!

  • [clip] Un-fucking-believable!

  • [YMS] Uh oh, they used up their one F-word, now they can't say it anymore, else it'll be rated R, like this video apparently.

  • Hearing it twice? That would scar your mind.

  • They bribe a bus driver and they barely get away. That was close.

  • [clip] I think that it's going to be an amazing, you know, amazingly exciting movie, because it is, it is a thriller, its a sci-fi film,

  • it's a chase movie, it's a love story, er, it has all of those elements to it.

  • [YMS] They decide to get another hotel to stay in, and buy out all the rooms.

  • Meanwhile, the Minute Men are killing people, to try and find out where JT is. But why are they wasting all of their time looking for him?

  • Because of him, now, they're able to steal so much time from everybody else.

  • Maybe they should just start robbing banks, since it's apparently so easy. Maybe they just want the reward.

  • But are the Timekeepers that stupid, that they wouldn't just arrest these guys?

  • You'd think they'd have these guys on camera at least once.

  • Maybe he's just really vengeful. It doesn't really make sense, but at least we get a really funny death scene.

  • [clip] Please!

  • [YMS] All of a sudden, this guy says he knows where they are.

  • [clip] Just wanna share the reward.

  • You're a jerk. You just let that guy get killed, real classy. But who is this guy?

  • Oh, they showed him really, really, really briefly in the last scene, just to give an excuse for the gangsters to find them later.

  • Sure is convenient, how he showed up and then left as soon as they were walking up the stairs.

  • The two actors chill upstairs, and try their best to deliver cliché dialogue, but they get interrupted by a trendy gangster.

  • [clip] Hey!

  • I never got a chance to, er, properly thank you for your time.

  • The reason the Timekeepers leave me alone, is cuz I have boundaries. I steal from my own people.

  • [YMS] Oh! So the timekeepers ARE corrupt. Indirectly killing entire populations is fine, but taking a bribe, well, that would be wrong.

  • Mr. Mammary Man challenges JT to a fight, and by a fight, I mean they're just gonna hold hands and be really gay.

  • But at least this provides a great opportunity to reincorporated that otherwise pointless scene from earlier.

  • Yeah, see, cuz he was looking at his cock, I mean clock, so he got distracted, and for some reason, that made him weaker.

  • [clip] Uh!

  • [YMS] Aw yeah!

  • [clip] By tomorrow, you won't have time to stand around.

  • - [YMS] Now this bitch pretends to turn herself in, but, oh no! - [clip] Let's go for a ride.

  • [YMS] Turns out it's also really easy to steal a million years from someone.

  • [clip] - What's the combination? - Try 12-2-1809. Darwin's birthday.

  • - All ready done. - [YMS] RRGGHH!

  • Suddenly, the Timekeepers know that there's a million years missing.

  • [clip] A million years just went off the clock in New Greenwich.

  • [YMS] Off the clock? What does that mean? Does that mean it was withdrawn, cuz the time hasn't actually left the zone yet.

  • But they barely make it to the ghetto, but it still on the stick that they had earlier

  • [clip] Need a minute?

  • So, what sort of automated machine knows that they took it? How they automatically know that it went missing, before it left the zone?

  • You'd think that if that rich asshole reported them, then they'd say something more specific about it.

  • I mean, a lot of them thought that it was just a glitch. If you moved that thing like an inch within the safe, would it just go off, or what?

  • Whatever, I'm sure it makes sense, cuz it's the future.

  • Just like how I make tons of sense that the Timekeeper stayed in his car until the money was already distributed.

  • He was just passed out for convenient amount of time.

  • [clip] - Lost a lot of time, Mr. Leon - Looks like you're about yourself.

  • But why did the two main characters not have any time right now? They try to explain it with this line:

  • [clip] Where's our capsule?

  • But why would they need a capsule delivered to them when they got there, when they already had so much time?

  • They must have known they were running low when they were stealing a million years,

  • why didn't they just fill up on the way, before the car chase happened? Why did they need someone else to deliver a capsule?

  • Oh wait, I know why. It's so they can deliver such an tense and exciting ending(!)

  • "Oh my god, we gotta get time before time runs out"

  • I think you've changed your outfit enough times in this movie to know not to wear heels. And you did it anyway.

  • Not only that, but they spend the hour they have going to some place called Livingston.

  • - [clip] We gotta get to Livingstone - [YMS] But why? Is that where they left their capsule?

  • If you had an hour on your clock, you could just hide out like a block away, get someone to go get time for you,

  • just be like, "I'm the guy that just brought a million fucking years into this place."

  • Do they have a hideout at Livingstone?

  • If their objective is to escape the Timekeeper, they're certainly not doing a very good job, running in the middle of the fucking road.

  • Maybe when he said, "Where's our capsule?", that means that they left one in the car?

  • Whatever, it's given them an excuse to run somewhere for the dramatic ending.

  • Stop!

  • I'm gonna need some of that time you borrowed from me, unless you want us to die on the way our execution.

  • Oops!

  • [YMS] "Yeah, woops. I totally forgot to look at my arm."

  • They realize that they're about to die. But wait, there's totally time in his car.

  • [clip] - What? - The Keeper's time. Run.

  • He makes it first, because he's not wearing fucking heels, and the scene looks all too familiar.

  • But this time he made it, yay!

  • Looks like the day is saved, and this corrupt system is heading for a collapse.

  • "No! The lower class are integrating!"

  • And these two stylishly end the movie, implying that they're gonna rob a huge bank.

  • Shouldn't be too hard, if the vault's wide open again.

  • The end.

  • [clip] The movie opens on, er, er, F-Friday, and pr-probably will be one of the, the early big holiday blockbuster films, don't you think?

  • I...I hope that you're correct.

  • [YMS] So what went wrong here? I think it's safe to say that you should think twice before recycling your own ideas.

  • Unless you're Michael Haneke.

  • Although Andrew Nichols other films aren't flawless, I'd consider them great, even if this movie is only appealing to twats.

  • [clip] This film will appeal to everyone, because it's very, errr, unique.

  • [YMS] And if you're gonna make a fictional universe, at least make it consistent or make sense.

  • Even just acknowledge some of the questions we might have as audience members.

  • Watching a nonsensical plot like this is about as awkward as being interviewed by people that don't even speak your language.

  • [clip] [speaking French]

  • She has goosebumps just knowing she's talking to you.

  • [speaking French]

  • Subtitles by JorWat

  • Go see the movie!

In Time is one of the most confusingly stupid movies I've ever seen. The concept was all right, but what happened?

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