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  • - You guys, I think I'm getting a pet.

  • Should I get a cat or a dog?

  • - [Left Man] Cat. - [Right Man] Dog.

  • - You a dog person?

  • Okay, dog people are way better than cat people.

  • - Cat people are better than dog people.

  • Dog people are conformists.

  • They're rule followers.

  • Cat people, on the other hand, are more abstract.

  • They think outside the box

  • and are actually, statistically smarter.

  • - It is well known that

  • cat people struggle in social situations.

  • They are introverts.

  • Dog people, on the other hand, are extremely extroverted

  • and can handle any situation that comes their way.

  • - Yeah, picking up shit every day.

  • Yeah. At least my pet doesn't shit in a glorified sandbox.

  • - Okay, okay. Good points.

  • The real problem here is

  • I don't wanna end up a crazy cat lady.

  • - Exactly. That's why you should get a dog.

  • Dog people love the outdoors.

  • Cat people are just shut-ins.

  • Think about it. You have to walk your dog every single day.

  • Dogs and dog people love companionship.

  • - Companionship is overrated.

  • Think about this for a second.

  • You have to walk a dog and pick up its poop

  • every single day.

  • Cats and cat people, on the other hand,

  • value affection more than anything else.

  • They love you when they need to.

  • They don't when they don't.

  • It's quality versus quantity.

  • - Yeah. A nice quality layer of cat hair

  • all over your beautiful black clothes.

  • (gasp)

  • - Dogs eat shoes.

  • - That is not fair.

  • - Actually, you know what?

  • My ex-boyfriend was a dog person.

  • He was kinda mean.

  • - That makes sense.

  • Studies show that women find cat people

  • nicer than dog people.

  • - You can have nice because,

  • statistically, cat people are way more neurotic.

  • - Okay, but owning a cat

  • lowers your levels of anxiety and stress.

  • - So, basically, you're saying that as a cat person,

  • you need a cat because you're a neurotic mess.

  • - It doesn't matter! They balance you out.

  • It's like having a friend.

  • - So, wait, are you saying, like,

  • I'm your cat?

  • - I don't know. Does that make me your dog?

  • It's like maybe, cat people and dog people need each other?

  • - I think I'm gonna get a fish.

  • - Fish people are the worst.

  • They're basically a decoration.

  • - It lives in a cocktail of its own food and feces.

  • - What about a bird?

  • - Something designed to fly,

  • you're gonna keep caged its whole life?

  • - Yeah, is that gonna make you feel good about yourself?

  • - Okay. I don't care what you guys say.

  • I'm gonna get a fish.

  • I'm actually allergic to all animals anyway.

- You guys, I think I'm getting a pet.

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