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  • [theme music]

  • MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Vlad.

  • Vlad.

  • -Robin?

  • Is that you? MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Vlad.

  • Over here.

  • -[screams]

  • MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): Vlad.

  • Vlad.

  • -[screams]

  • -Freak.

  • -On the contrary, Mistress Ingrid.

  • Like all powerful vampires, Master Vlad

  • has started sleeping during the day.

  • -Excellent.

  • Let's go down to the crypt and I'll tuck you into your coffin.

  • Renfield, burn his bed.

  • -Happily.

  • -I am not speaking in a coffin all day.

  • I'm going to school.

  • -Sweet dreams.

  • -Jonno, the porridge!

  • -Sorry, Dad.

  • It's from Mom.

  • We've been writing, and she wants to see me.

  • -Oh, I see.

  • -You haven't told her about the slaying, have you?

  • -No.

  • What's wrong telling her the truth?

  • -She's a psychotherapist.

  • She thinks that vampires only exist in my mind.

  • -But we can prove they're real!

  • People see only what they want to see.

  • Don't make the same mistake as me.

  • -They're coming.

  • -Who's coming?

  • [door bell]

  • -I'm coming!

  • Hello, Vlad.

  • Hurry up, you lot!

  • Are all right?

  • You look tired.

  • -Go to bed early.

  • That's my advice.

  • Bye, love.

  • -Yeah, I know.

  • I look tired.

  • Something weird is happening.

  • I keep falling asleep and having this dream about you.

  • We're in a forest, and--

  • -Freak.

  • [screech]

  • -For centuries, oak has been the traditional choice of wood

  • when building a coffin.

  • -Isn't that right, Vlad?

  • [growl]

  • Vlad!

  • -Vampire!

  • -Vlad, be quiet!

  • Come on, let's go.

  • -What is wrong with him? -He's a creature of the undead.

  • Everything's wrong with him.

  • [bell ringing]

  • -Everybody was a vampire.

  • -Cool.

  • I love it when I have that dream.

  • -It was more like a nightmare.

  • I'm scared, Robin.

  • I can't fall asleep again.

  • -It's double maths after lunch.

  • You've got no chance.

  • -You'll just have to keep pinching me.

  • -What are friends for?

  • -Vlad?

  • Vlad, wake up.

  • Vlad, wake up.

  • Vlad!

  • Vlad, wake up!

  • -They're coming.

  • -Who's coming?

  • -You must learn to master your vampire powers to survive.

  • -Powers?

  • What do you mean, survive?

  • -Listen.

  • [footsteps]

  • -Slayers.

  • -They are fast.

  • But the wolf is faster.

  • -Yeah?

  • Well, I'm not a wolf.

  • -It sleeps within you.

  • -I can't shapeshift.

  • I'm not even a proper vampire yet.

  • -That's not what they think.

  • -What do I do?

  • -A clever fish swims with the tide.

  • Run!

  • -You! [laughing] I thought I was being chased by slayers.

  • This is just a dream.

  • You're not gonna hurt me.

  • There goes that theory.

  • [groaning]

  • [snarling]

  • [growling]

  • [barking]

  • -Double freak.

  • [bell ringing]

  • -What on Earth's going on?

  • Come on, there's nothing to see here.

  • -You were supposed to stop me falling asleep.

  • -I tried pinching you, but you wouldn't wake up.

  • Maybe next time I should slap you in the face.

  • -Robin, I am in big trouble.

  • -That was nothing to do with me.

  • -Your mom just tried to slay me.

  • -Ingrid.

  • -Shh.

  • -Sorry.

  • Ingrid, do you ever have weird dreams?

  • -Only a recurring one where an annoying geek of a brother

  • keeps asking me stupid questions.

  • -I'm serious.

  • In my dream, I was chased by slayers, and they did this.

  • -Boys?

  • My lunch.

  • You're lying.

  • You don't get to go to the dream world until you're 16.

  • -What dream world?

  • -The place vampires go when they sleep, bat brain.

  • If you're slain there, you die for real.

  • -That's not good news.

  • -Ugh, please.

  • As if you'd get to go there before me.

  • Hey.

  • Vlad.

  • -[crying]

  • The slayers are coming.

  • Save me, Vlad!

  • Save me!

  • -Shh.

  • -Slayers!

  • -Follow me.

  • Keep your head down.

  • -If I die, who's gonna carry on my charity work

  • and captain the chess club?

  • -I don't know who's freaking me out more, you or the Branaghs.

  • Come on.

  • -[screaming]

  • -[snarling]

  • -Robin Branagh, you do not wake someone

  • up by slapping them in the face.

  • -But Miss, he told me to.

  • -Ingrid, you're OK!

  • -Get up, Sleeping Beauty.

  • You're making the rest of us look bad.

  • Back off, slayers.

  • He doesn't need your kind of help.

  • -What happened to your hand?

  • -He's feasting on himself.

  • -Oh, that is disgusting.

  • -I, uh, it's just a papercut.

  • -Go wash the blood off.

  • Then come to my office.

  • Let's see if we can patch you up with a first aid kit, eh?

  • I'm very concerned about Vlad's behavior.

  • -Yes.

  • He should be punished severely.

  • -No, I mean I'm worried about him.

  • He's been acting very strangely.

  • -Maybe there's trouble at home.

  • Why don't you invite his father in for a chat?

  • -Good idea.

  • And I'll call in a student counselor, too.

  • -Dad, you're a genius.

  • -Don't get me wrong.

  • I like being a vampire mentor.

  • I just think that I should be in black, too.

  • -Your family trying to slay me, and all

  • you can think about is clothes?

  • Ow.

  • -So what was it like shapeshifting into a wolf?

  • -Well, I scared the slayers, and I felt good, which worries me.

  • -And having fur and a tail doesn't?

  • -What if there's an evil vampire in my blood after all?

  • -Vlad, you still sleep with a teddy bear.

  • Dream on.

  • Come on.

  • Let's get you a plaster.

  • And a lollipop for being brave.

  • -So when the Count arrives, what's he going to do?

  • -Try and get inside quickly to avoid exposure to sunlight.

  • -And what are we going to do?

  • -Stop him.

  • -And let Mother Nature do the rest.

  • -Here he comes.

  • -Get ready.

  • -Hello, Eric.

  • Hello, Jonno.

  • -Mom!

  • -Mina!

  • -Wow, gosh, you've got tall.

  • -Mina, what are you doing here?

  • -Oh, wow, it's nice to see you, too.

  • -No, I mean-- I didn't mean--

  • -I've, um, started working as a counselor for schools

  • in this area, so I thought it would

  • be a good chance to see both of you.

  • -Are you here to see a boy called Vlad?

  • -Eric, you know I can't tell you that.

  • Oh, um, I'm late.

  • Can we talk later?

  • -Let's hope so.

  • -Don't worry.

  • This is perfect.

  • -Jonno, we're letting her walk into a room full of vampires.

  • That's not what I call perfect.

  • -All we have to do is grab the Count on the way out

  • and he'll turn to dust before her very eyes.

  • -Finally proving to her that vampires are real.

  • You're the genius, son.

  • -Run along.

  • Mr. Count.

  • Pleased to meet you.

  • -The pleasure is all mine.

  • -[giggling]

  • -Good afternoon.

  • I'm Mina Van Helsing, student counselor.

  • Hello.

  • -I believe I know your husband, Mrs. Van Helsing.

  • We're great friends.

  • -Please don't kiss my hand.

  • -He never mentioned he had such a beautiful wife.

  • -I think we're here to talk about Vlad, not me.

  • Shall we go in?

  • Ahem.

  • -Oh, yes.

  • He's in my office.

  • -He's out cold.

  • -It's no use.

  • Vampires can't cross running water, remember?

  • -But that makes no sense.

  • -Hey, I don't make the rules.

  • -Ow.

  • -Our greatest glory is in rising every time we fall.

  • You have to get up and fight.

  • -Help me.

  • -We need to get this boy straight to hospital.

  • -Oh, come on.

  • He's totally faking.

  • -Now.

  • -They're coming.

  • -Let's grab the Count and give him a sun tan he won't forget.

  • -OK, watch his head.

  • I'm, uh, gonna get to the hospital.

  • I'll-- I'll call you later.

  • -Follow that hearse!

  • -We should go too.

  • -I'll look after him, Miss.

  • -Good idea.

  • Mr. Van Helsing!

  • Have you got room for two more?

  • -You can do this, Vlad.

  • You know you can.

  • Use your energies.

  • That's it, Vlad.

  • Trust your instincts.

  • Feel the energy.

  • Use the power within.

  • It is your time.

  • -[growl]

  • -You did this.

  • -I needed to make sure you could pass the test

  • before you meet the master.

  • -I thought you were my friend.

  • -You have no friends here, Vlad.

  • -If your dad lays a finger on my mom, you'll be sorry.

  • -It's his fangs I'd be worried about.

  • -She's trying to wind you up.

  • Don't give her the satisfaction.

  • -So, Eric, what blood group is your wife?

  • -Anyone up for a game of I Spy?

  • -I'm home?

  • -It is time for you to meet the Grand High Vampire.

  • -Renfield is the Grand High Vampire?

  • -On your feet.

  • -I've always liked you.

  • You know that, don't you?

  • -Speak only when the master speak.

  • -Of course, yeah.

  • Sorry.

  • I won't say another word.

  • What am I supposed to do?

  • -You must choose your destiny, Vlad.

  • You are on a journey.

  • Ahead of you lie two paths.

  • Which will you take?

  • One path leads to immortality, and the other-- the other--

  • -Dad?

  • -Leads to death.

  • -Dad?

  • -Don't worry, Vlad.

  • Daddy's here for you.

  • -[screaming]

  • -My time is past.

  • Our people are suffering.

  • We are being hunted down and destroyed.

  • We hide in the shadows, waiting for the chosen one.

  • -The chosen one?

  • -A vampire with exceptional powers

  • who will lead us once again to glory.

  • Vladimir Dracula, you are the chosen one.

  • -Wrong.

  • I don't even want to be a vampire.

  • -Vladimir--

  • -Look, thanks for the offer, but I think I'll give it a miss.

  • -[speaking latin]

  • -Is that the time?

  • -[speaking latin]

  • You can't escape your destiny, Vlad.

  • -Heart rate's racing.

  • Pressure's dropping.

  • -These infernal machines are making him worse.

  • -Get the crash cart ready.

  • -You must fight, Vlad.

  • Fight.

  • -They're doing everything they can.

  • -He should be at home in a coffin, resting in peace.

  • -You mustn't give up hope.

  • He'll pull through.

  • -There's evil in you, Vlad.

  • I can smell it.

  • -I'm sorry, but you're making me nervous.

  • -I saw it when you tried to bite the slayer in the forest.

  • -That wasn't me.

  • That was someone else.

  • -Who are you, Vlad?

  • In our world, you're either a vampire or a slayer.

  • Slay the vampire.

  • Bite the breather.

  • The choice is yours.

  • -Don't slay me, Vlad!

  • I'm allergic to wood.

  • -Is this what you want?

  • To spend the rest of your days feasting on the innocent?

  • -Don't become a slayer, Vlad.

  • Statistics show they live short, tragically unfulfilled lives.

  • -Join us and be a beacon of light in the darkness.

  • -And they have a horrible weakness for metaphor.

  • Bite her!

  • -Slay her!

  • -Bite her!

  • -Slay her!

  • -Bite her!

  • -It's all in my head.

  • It's all in my head.

  • It's all in my head.

  • It's all in my head.

  • [interposing voices]

  • -I feel so helpless.

  • -Eric!

  • -Leave her alone, vampire!

  • -Is he a patient of yours?

  • -Don't tell me you're still obsessed with vampires.

  • -He thinks our whole family are vampires.

  • -But it's true, Mom.

  • They are.

  • -Great.

  • So now you've infected Jonathan with this madness.

  • Eric, how could you?

  • -He's crashing.

  • [beeping]

  • -Right.

  • Wait outside.

  • -It's all in my head, it's all in my head,

  • it's all in my head.

  • Hello?

  • -Your indecision has cost you dearly.

  • We have no need for a leader who's nice to people.

  • [growl]

  • -That hurt!

  • -It's meant to.

  • -[growl]

  • -Stop doing that!

  • -Make me! [growl]

  • -I told you to stop doing that.

  • -[growling]

  • -We're losing him.

  • -Uh, no.

  • Someone switched off the monitor.

  • -Sorry.

  • Was that supposed to be plugged in?

  • [beeping]

  • -[growling]

  • [beeping]

  • -Oh, that's right.

  • Everybody blame Ingrid.

  • -You are the chosen one.

  • Finish me, and take your rightful place on this throne.

  • -[groan]

  • -No.

  • I won't fight you anymore.

  • I don't enjoy being evil.

  • It makes me feel dead inside.

  • I choose life.

  • -No!

  • -[gasp] Where am I?

  • -It's OK, Vlad.

  • You're back in the real world now.

  • -What?

  • -So, did I become a vampire?

  • -Yes.

  • And yes, you were wearing black.

  • -Cool.

  • -There's nothing wrong with him.

  • -You wouldn't say that if you had to live with him.

  • -Well, that's amazing.

  • He's absolutely fine.

  • -Yeah, I knew he wouldn't die, because he's a vampire.

  • -Well, I hope you're proud of yourself, Eric.

  • Look what you've done to our son.

  • -But Mom, we can prove it.

  • -Leave it, Jonno, you're wasting your time.

  • I think this is the part where you say you're leaving.

  • -No.

  • Not this time, Eric.

  • No, this time I'm going to stay and finally

  • deal with this crazy vampire obsession once and for all.

  • -So, who was your Grand High Vampire?

  • Mine was Nanny Clontarf.

  • -You knew where I was?

  • -Are you the chosen one?

  • -No.

  • It's not me.

  • -Hm.

  • Let's get you home.

  • -Actually, I'd like to keep him in overnight for observation.

  • [phone ringing]

  • -Excuse me.

  • -Hm.

  • I'll stay and keep you company.

  • -Oh, thanks, Dad.

  • -Got a straw?

  • [theme music]

[theme music]

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