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  • I COULD BE A

  • POLITICIAN LIKE THAT -- (SNAP)

  • -- BUT A POLITICIAN COULD NEVER DO MY JOB, WHICH IS WHY EVERYONE

  • SHOULD LISTEN TO MY CURE FOR ObamaCare, AND THAT BRINGS

  • US TO TONIGHT'S -- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

  • >> THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.

  • THANK YOU.

  • THANK YOU.

  • STEPHEN.

  • >> Stephen: PRESIDENT OBAMA I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU TO BE OUT HERE

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> Stephen: THANKS SO MUCH!

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) PRESIDENT OBAMA, I'M THRILLED

  • YOU'RE HERE BUT I DID NOT EXPECT YOU FOR ANOTHER THREE MINUTES.

  • >> STEPHEN, YOU HAVE BEEN TAKING A LOT OF SHOTS AT MY JOB.

  • I DECIDED I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND TAKE A SHOT AT YOURS.

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I WANT YOU TO GET OUT OF THE WAY

  • WHAT PART OF THE SEGMENT ARE WE IN NOW?

  • WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO BE DOING?

  • >> Stephen: I WAS ABOUT TO DO "THE WORD," SIR.

  • >> "THE WORD."

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) HOW HARD CAN THIS BE?

  • I'M JUST GOING TO SAY WHATEVER YOU WERE ABOUT TO SAY.

  • >> Stephen: OKEY-DOKE.

  • OKAY.

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) NATION -- NATION, INSTEAD OF THE

  • WORD, LET'S MAKE THIS A LITTLE MORE PRESIDENTIAL,

  • WHICH BRINGS US TO TONIGHT'S "DECREE"...

  • (PLAYING "HAIL TO THE CHIEF," THEN CLANG)

  • ... TO HEALTH IN A HAND BASKET.

  • NATION, AS YOU KNOW, I, STEPHEN COLBERT, HAVE NEVER CARED FOR

  • OUR PRESIDENT.

  • (LAUGHTER) THE GUY IS SO ARROGANT, I BET HE

  • TALKS ABOUT HIMSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON.

  • (LAUGHTER) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

  • BUT EVEN I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT ObamaCare IS THE LAW OF THE

  • LAND.

  • AND WHILE IT'S BEEN POLITICALLY DIVISIVE, THERE ARE THINGS THAT

  • PEOPLE FROM BOTH PARTIES LIKE ABOUT ObamaCare.

  • (LAUGHTER) FOR INSTANCE, THAT CHILDREN CAN

  • STAY ON THEIR PARENTS' POLICIES UNTIL AGE 26.

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) NEARLY 7 MILLION PEOPLE SIGNED

  • UP LAST YEAR AND ALMOST 1 MILLION MORE HAVE SIGNED UP IN

  • JUST THE PAST FEW WEEKS. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

  • NOW, NATION THE QUESTION IS HOW DO YOU STOP SOMETHING

  • THAT MORE AND MORE PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO LIKE?

  • (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)

  • WELL, FIRST OFF, NOW THAT THE REPUBLICANS CONTROL BOTH THE

  • HOUSE AND THE SENATE, THEY COULD PASS A BILL REPEALING

  • ObamaCare.

  • BUT THE PRESIDENT STILL HAS THE VETO.

  • AND IF I KNOW THAT GUY, HE'S WILLING TO USE IT.

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) AND LET'S FACE IT. EVEN IF

  • REPUBLICANS SOMEHOW DID REPEAL IT, THEY'D HAVE TO REPLACE IT

  • WITH THEIR OWN HEALTHCARE PLAN.

  • (LAUGHTER) AND ONCE THEY TOUCH IT, THEY OWN

  • IT.

  • THEN IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG, SUDDENLY EVERYBODY WILL BE

  • COMPLAINING ABOUT MITCH McCONNELL-CARE.

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) OF COURSE, ANOTHER STRATEGY IS

  • TAKING ObamaCare TO THE SUPREME COURT AND TRYING TO GET

  • IT THROWN OUT.

  • BUT LAST TIME WE TRIED THAT, IT DIDN'T WORK.

  • I BELIEVE THERE'S ONLY ONE SURE FIRE WAY TO KILL THIS THING.

  • (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)

  • WE HAVE TO MAKE SIGNING UP FOR ObamaCare UNAPPEALING TO

  • YOUNG PEOPLE.

  • (LAUGHTER) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

  • WE CAN SCARE THEM AWAY BY REMINDING THEM THAT LAST YEAR'S

  • WEB SITE ROLLOUT WAS A LITTLE BUMPY.

  • (LAUGHTER) REMEMBER THE ORIGINAL

  • HEALTHCARE.GOV WEB SITE?

  • I THINK THAT'S WHERE DISNEY GOT THE IDEA FOR "FROZEN."

  • (LAUGHTER) NOW, THE NEW WEB SITE WORKS, AND

  • MOST YOUNG PEOPLE CAN GET COVERED FOR LESS THAN $100.

  • BUT HOW'S THE PRESIDENT GOING TO GET THAT MESSAGE OUT TO THE

  • KIDS?

  • (APPLAUSE) HE COULD TRY TO APPEAL TO THEM

  • DIRECTLY THROUGH A SPEECH OR A PRESS CONFERENCE, BUT YOUNG

  • PEOPLE DON'T WATCH REAL NEWS SHOWS LIKE THIS ONE.

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THEY WATCH COMEDY SHOWS, AND I

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) THEY WATCH COMEDY SHOWS, AND I

  • JUST DON'T SEE THE PRESIDENT GOING ON ONE OF THOSE.

  • THEY'RE BENEATH HIS DIGNITY.

  • (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) BESIDES, EVEN IF HE DID GET HIS

  • MESSAGE ACROSS, YOUNG PEOPLE DON'T THINK THEY NEED ANY

  • INSURANCE.

  • AFTER ALL, THEY'RE YOUNG!

  • THEY DON'T REALIZE THAT EVERYONE EVENTUALLY GROWS OLDER...

  • AT SOMETIMES A FASTER RATE THAN OTHERS.

  • (LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)

  • AND THAT'S THE DECREE.

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD.

I COULD BE A

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The Colbert Report - President Obama Delivers The Decree

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    阿狸草莓 posted on 2015/01/29
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