Name: Trump Might Deploy the National Guard to Airports
Uploaded: 2026-03-28T21:32:56.000Z
Duration: 12 min 37 s
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And now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news.

During today's Cabinet meeting, President Trump complained that you can't find gold paint that looks like real gold.

During the same meeting, President Trump said that he's the only president to have taken a cognitive test and aced it three times.

That's like bragging that you're the only bus driver in the school district to take three DUI tests.

President Trump said yesterday that he may call up the National Guard to help with airport security.

I think having ice there is already putting a tremendous strain on the airport Wi-Fi.

This time next week, we're going to have Melania yelling, "Everything in the bin!

Laptops need to be out!" "No, belt is fine.

Belt is fine." I put very little work into that impression.

After one of Homeland Security Secretary Mark Wayne Mullen's sons told President Trump this week he has never been more impressed with anybody than his father, Trump asked him, quote, "How about me?" Wow.

Trump has this amazing ability to make me feel grossed out and also feel sorry about him at the same time.

It's like seeing a dead rat on the subway tracks.

You're like, "Ew," but also, "Aww." During the Republican Congressional Committee's fundraiser dinner last night, House Speaker Mike Johnson announced that they've created the new America First Award and presented it to President Trump.

But I think they made that up in a hurry because it was just a desk lamp with a bunch of Sharpies taped to it.

During the same dinner, President Trump complained that the Democrats did not react to his State of the Union and said that they were, quote, "Sitting like dead people.

Maybe they're also known to be unfaithful?

During a briefing yesterday, White House Press Secretary Caroline Leavitt said that Vice President JD Vance is President Trump's, quote, "Right-hand man." Oh, come on.

Nobody's his right -- His right-hand man is like, "Oh.

How long does he have?" Authorities in Florida arrested a man this week after he allegedly broke into the restaurant where he worked, stole $500 from the cash register, drank a bottle of rosé,

and took a nap on the couch before fleeing, which, in Florida, means six more weeks of summer.

A North Carolina woman was recently bitten by an otter while watching a marathon.

Said her friend, "Just say you don't want to come to my party, okay?" And finally, a video has gained attention online of a gray squirrel in London carrying a vape pen.

The very first squirrel in history to figure out a way to relax.

You know her from "Brockmire," "Dirty John," films such as "Something's Gotta Give," "The Way, Way Back," and "The Hole in Nine Yards." She's starring in "Your Friends and Neighbors," whose second season premieres April 3rd on Apple TV, and

also "Fantasy Life," which is in theaters this Friday.

Our friend Amanda Peet is back on the show.

He's a tremendous actor you've seen in "Law & Order: Criminal Intent," "A Godfather of Harlem," and iconic movies like "Full Metal Jacket" and "Men in Black." He's back as Kingpin in season two of "Daredevil: Born Again," with new episodes Tuesdays on Disney+.

I'm so excited to talk to him before we get to all that.

Donald Trump got yet another made-up award and revealed the mystery present he got from Iran.

For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look." The nation is at war,

and Americans are overwhelmingly against it.

Today, the president held a Cabinet meeting and spoke directly to the concerns that are on everyone's mind.

So this pen is very inexpensive, but it writes well.

But I'm handing it out to kids that don't even know what they're like.

"What is this, mommy?" And it had another problem.

So I take it out, and I sign it, and there's no ink.

but I can't have a gray thing with a big S on it.

And I could even paint the White House on it, sir, if you like, in gold.

Not bad." So the guy said to me, "You don't have to pay me, sir.

I'll give it to you for nothing." I said, "No, I don't want that.

I want to pay." He said, "What would you like to pay?" I said, "How about five bucks a pen?" He said -- He said, "That's all right.

And considering the war in Iran is costing a billion dollars a day, your pen savings aren't making up the difference.

I have so many questions about this story, but I have to go back to this part.

I'm handing it out to kids that don't even know what they're like.

You think a kid doesn't know what a pen is?

They're in school all day, and that place is lousy with pens.

and they surely know what a pen is because that's where the ink on the walls comes from.

Also, why midwar is this guy so obsessed with office supplies?

On Monday, he regaled the press with a super accurate history of the paperclip.