Name: ted | Ted Offends the Church by Comparing Himself to Jesus Christ
Uploaded: 2026-03-22T14:50:03.000Z
Duration: 3 min 17 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

We observe the holiest of all days to rejoice in the glory of the birth of Jesus Christ.

Born not from the seed of man, but from divine origin.

Never before or since, have we God's children been blessed by such a miracle.

You're talking about a guy who came alive out of nowhere, right?

Well, you said never before or since, but, you know this guy.

The birth of Christ was a heavenly miracle.

I mean, I don't see any pound puppies or munchy cheese walking around.

Christ's birth was clearly ordained by God, Marked by the star of Bethlehem, a miraculous beacon from the heavens.

God sent him to us to spread the word that he loves us.

Well, if we're gonna figure out if I'm actually Jesus, we at least gotta skim it.

It's like Kleenex with boring stories on it.

You know, I was thinking, how do we know that Dennis isn't Jesus?

Johnny, Jesus walked on water, all right?

Truly I say to you, the tax collectors and prostitutes go into the kingdom of heaven.

Before you look at that, Jesus hangs out with hookers.

Yeah, and he says there's hookers in heaven, too.

Wait, so you're paying for sex in heaven?

And behold, I come quickly, and my reward is with me to give.

Yeah, that's not the kind of thing I'd start with.

There was Sleepy Sneezy, Dopey, Johnny Blitzen.

Does this mean you have, like, powers and stuff?

Yeah, but I probably gotta learn how to use them.

But, like, you know, I might fuck around a little bit.

My words are lazy My thoughts are hazy but this is one thing I'm sure of Everybody needs a best friend I.

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ted | Ted Offends the Church by Comparing Himself to Jesus Christ

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