Name: The biggest barrier to happiness + success 🫠
Uploaded: 2026-03-11T20:07:04.000Z
Duration: 8 min 52 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

We all have these moments where we catch a glimpse of what we're capable of achieving, a glimmer of what we're meant to become.

Maybe it's a surge of inspiration to kickstart a business that we've always been dreaming of.

Adverbs of manner

Or maybe it's a craving to finally start eating more healthfully.

And these desires, they keep pulling at our heartstrings.

But sometimes it feels like just as we're about to pursue them, something always seems to get in our way.

Today, we're going to explore what I really feel is the biggest barrier that's holding us back when it comes to achieving our goals.

I also briefly wanted to thank BetterHelp for sponsoring a portion of today's video.

We're going to chat more about them at the end.

So, Robin's always been a pretty hardcore fitness enthusiast.

He's always pushing the limits of his physical endurance and strength.

And I feel like I used to be a pretty active person, but

And seeing that I've been in this kind of lull, Robin's been trying to get me excited about working out, you know, joining him on runs or reps.

But it feels like I have every reason under the sun for why I can't.

From an aching old injury to being too busy, to being too tired.

And so it feels like these external things keep happening to me that are getting in the way of me achieving my fitness goals.

But sometimes I'm like, maybe I'm just getting in my own way.

And so in psychology, creating obstacles like this, it's called self handicapping.

It's a strategy that we often subconsciously use anytime we know our performance is going to be evaluated in some way.

also, if we have a project at work or an exam at school, what we do is we create obstacles to justify our poor performance or lack of effort.

So let's say, for example, you've got an exam tomorrow, and

that night you get a phone call from your friend saying, hey, come out and have drinks with us.

So now what happens is if you perform poorly on the exam, you can blame it on the fact that you couldn't study because you had this event to go to, instead of it being blamed on your inherent skills or abilities as a person.

And so self handicapping is a type of self sabotage.

And it's self sabotage As a whole, that I genuinely believe is the biggest barrier that's holding us back when it comes to achieving happiness and success.

I think the reason a lot of us feel that we can't or aren't achieving our goals is because we're kind of getting in our own way.

And self sabotage, I think can take on a lot of different forms as well.

Things like overthinking the small stuff, doubting ourselves too much, overly fearing the opinions of others, being excessively critical of our own work, procrastinating, that's a big one.

Or engaging in self destructive behaviors, things like overeating, overspending or substance use.

Why is it that we get in the way of our own happiness and success?

Well, personally, I believe that we self sabotage as a defense mechanism.

You see, I think we have this conscious part of our mind that's always wanting us to move forward, grow, learn, change, succeed.

But at the same time there's this subconscious, unconscious part of our minds that wants us to feel safe and secure, comfortable.

It wants to do everything possible to avoid failure or rejection.

It's really primal, it's protective in nature.

The conscious part wants us to thrive, the unconscious part wants us to survive.

The conscious mind is the one that maybe wants us to make better food choices.

But the unconscious mind thinks, you're never going to change, so why bother trying?

The conscious mind is the one that thinks it, hey, maybe let's turn our hobby into a business.

But the unconscious mind thinks, what are other people going to say?

The conscious mind wants to pursue the idea of a committed, loving relationship, but

the unconscious mind thinks, I'm not worthy of love, I'm unlovable.

And so if we default to the unconscious mind because it's where we feel safe and comfortable, then it's going to prevent us from growing and achieving our long term goals.

Well, I think because we often self sabotage unconsciously, I think the first step to overcoming it is just to become aware of when we're doing it.

The psychiatrist Carl Jung once famously said, until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you'll call it fate.

But how do we know if the conscious or unconscious is in the driver's seat?

I think it can really help to pay attention to the emotions like the conscious mind, the aspiring mind, the one that always wants us to achieve our goals.

I think this one usually brings about feelings of Curiosity, creativity, excitement and joy.

Whereas the unconscious mind, the saboteur if you will, this is the one that usually brings about emotions of like anxiety, disappointment, regret, shame, blame and anger.

And so if we're noticing these feelings and if we're able to pinpoint, hey, self sabotage is happening and there's a certain belief or fear that's holding me back, then what we can do is we can start to challenge it, maybe rewrite the narrative.

So if we're kind of going back to my lack of exercising example, if I'm being very honest with myself, I think my saboteur fears a kind of failure.

Like I don't want to look to the outside world like I'm unfit.

But more importantly, I don't like feeling unfit in my own body.

I don't like that feeling, especially when it's been so long since I've last worked out.

But now that I'm aware of that, maybe I can try to challenge it.

Maybe I can replace it with a more empowering narrative like I'm going to focus on progress and not perfection, I'm taking care of my health and my body is capable of change.

And so I think these two things can really help identifying when we're self sabotaging and then challenging it and rewriting it with a new narrative.

And then lastly, this is something I learned from Robin.

He's always saying, create a bias towards action.

And as a professional overthinker, I can tell you with confidence that when we overthink our goals, it just breeds more self doubt.

And instead if we actually just take action, we do something, we start to move forward and build momentum and that feels pretty darn good.

So when you have an idea or a goal, if you feel that spirit spark, don't waste time doubting yourself, just go for it.

And if you're feeling up for it, if you want to maybe take a moment to identify a way in which you know that you've been self sabotaging.

What is a fear belief that you think has been holding you back?

And can you rewrite the narrative in a more positive way and share it in the comments below?

I think you'll come to see that A a lot of other people feel similarly, but

B, I think you could inspire a lot of people and I think it's really helpful when we notice that we're not in these things alone.

I again also briefly wanted to thank Better Help for sponsoring today's video.

I learned a lot about self sabotage over the years in therapy myself And I think this is why therapists are so phenomenal.

They can help us navigate the minefield that is our unconscious thoughts.

And so Better Help is an online therapy platform where you can chat with a therapist from the comfort of your own home, and

you can schedule live sessions whenever it works for you so you're not having to take time off of work or commuting.

And how you get started is you first fill out a brief questionnaire about yourself and what your needs are during therapy, and

they'll use that information to match you with one of their therapists.

However you feel most comfortable can be via text or phone call or video chat.

And I think that some people feel that therapy isn't effective for them because they're not clicking with their therapist.

And that's so vitally important and with better help.

I think what's so great is that you can easily request a new therapist at any time if you think it isn't working with the therapist that you've been matched with.

And you can do it with just a click of a button.

They have over 25,000 therapists in their network, and they've got a whole wide range of expertise.

So there's definitely someone on there who can help you through whatever challenge it is you might be facing.

So if you'd like to try out BetterHelp for yourself, they're actually offering 10% off of your first month.

Just visit betterhelp.com pickuplines or check out the link in the description box below.

And thanks so much for hanging with me today, friends.

I, again, as a reminder, want to say that I think we're all capable of achieving so much more than we think, but

so long as we don't stand in our own way.

But, hey, thanks so much for enjoying this cup of tea with me today.