Name: Trump’s Mixed Messages About War in Iran, He Gets a Vigorous Stroking by Tech CEOs & His Gross Rash
Uploaded: 2026-03-07T21:49:16.000Z
Duration: 15 min 3 s
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Thank you for joining us here in our home in beautiful Hollywood, California.

We have a lot of things to get to tonight.

It seems like we have a lot of things to get to every night.

Just for fun, I went back, I looked at one of our monologues from 2011.

Fifteen years ago tonight, NBC announced that Christina Aguilera would be a judge on the Voice.

Lindsay Lohan's dad was rumored to be joining the gang at Celebrity Rehab.

A sophomore at BYU was kicked off the basketball team for having sex with his girlfriend.

And there was a new episode of Jersey Shore in which the situation hooks up with a girl who seems to have a strange odor.

We also have, you know, the weather's different than it used.

It seems to be a lot colder on the East Coast, a lot warmer in the West.

We've had such beautiful weather here the last two weeks.

I feel like the rest of the country hates us enough already.

But it has been in the high 70s, it's been sunny, and

it has been as cold as Melania's heart everywhere else.

This is from Rhode island, where even kids have had enough of snow because I'm so sick of snow on this.

There were primary elections in North Carolina, Arkansas and Texas yesterday.

Democrats are hoping to win their first Senate seat in the Lone Star State since 1988.

James Talarico won the primary there last night.

He beat out the author of Bleach Blonde, Bad built Butchbody Jasmine Crockett.

Talarico will now face the winner of a runoff between the incumbent, Senator John Cornyn, and

his opponent, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, seen here dying before our eyes, has quite a list of accomplishments.

As attorney General, he faced 20 different articles of impeachment.

And his wife, a woman he started a church with, divorced him for cheating with a Senate aide.

With a resume like that, you could run for president of the United States.

Of course, Paxton is tight with Trump does only the best people.

Democrats flipped a state legislature seat in Arkansas yesterday.

That makes more than two dozen seats in various state legislators.

They have flipped since Trump took office last year, whereas the number of seats that have gone from blue to red now totals zero nationwide.

I'm beginning to see why Trump dislikes these elections so much.

The President got a vigorous stroking at the White House today.

He had a meeting of executives from Google, Microsoft, Amazon, Mehta and OpenAI who gathered to grovel at his feet.

If you're the CEO of a big tech company, your schedule seems to alternate between partying on super yacht and frenching the President's ass.

So he had the tech bros sign a pledge that says they will supply their own power for their AI data centers.

Wouldn't it be great if they do it by building like 100 million windmills just to drive Trump nuts?

And of course, my favorite part of any White House event is when the President of the United States attempts to pronounce someone's name.

The name you were looking for is McGorek, which now I'm not saying it's an easy name to read.

Put the name up on the screen so we can all see what he saw.

But how do you get Muthquirk out of that?

Now, you know, we goof on the President a lot, but

the fact of the matter is he knows a great deal about tech, about computers.

In fact, when it comes to computers, no one knows more than him.

There's no problem with, with computers all over the place.

You know, the reason you use computers is to make time so that it's like fast.

We have the best computer guy there is, right?

I told you, Baron, he loves that computer.

He said, they make love to their computer.

So as the meeting's wrapping up, Trump tells the group.

He says, I have to go back and look at the war.

Everyone who works for him is saying, this is not a war.

We're now on day five of whatever this is.

Pete Hegseth today said, we're just getting started.

In Iran, they're still trying to figure out who will be Iran's next top Ayatollah.

The frontrunner is said to be the newly exploded Ayatollah's son, Mujtaba Khomeini.

This guy is said to be an even more of a hardliner than his dad, which is what a lot of people worry about.

You know, you start bombing leaders, you wind up with one who might be even worse.