Name: U.S. Abandons Citizens Across Middle East | Trump: The Big One Is Coming | Iran War Is "God's Plan"
Uploaded: 2026-03-04T06:07:36.000Z
Duration: 11 min 52 s
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I'm your host, Stephen Colbert, ladies and gentlemen.

We are on day four of what we here at the Late show are calling a war with Iran.

We're trying to keep it simple because it's confusing enough already.

The United States and Israel continues to bomb them, and

Iran is launching counter strikes at the US and its allies in the region.

Yesterday, the US Embassy in Riyadh was attacked by two drones, and

today a drone targeted the US Consulate in Dubai.

Thankfully, there were no injuries from the attack, but the State Department is taking no chances.

They say Americans should depart now via commercial means from Bahrain, Egypt, Iran, Iraq, Israel, the occupied west bank and Gaza, Jordan, Kuwait, Lebanon, Oman, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Syria, the United Arab Emirates and Yemen.

There's Syria, Lebanon, Israel, Jordan was demonstrated.

Depending on the country, flights out of the Middle east have been either extreme, extremely limited or stopped entirely.

And earlier today, multiple US Embassies told Americans they cannot evacuate or help them get out of the Middle East.

But if they can't leave, then what are they supposed to do?

We all know why that took Moses 40 years.

It's increasingly clear that this administration did not put a lot of thought into into what happens after the initial boom.

Insiders of the Pentagon are warning that if the fighting goes on too long, US Air defense stockpiles could run out.

That's like the USA running out of pumpable cheese.

Earlier today, Trump insisted everything's fine, saying we have unlimited of the Middle and upper Middle ammunition and things.

I buy all my weaponry from ammunition and things.

If the US does run out of ammo, that would be a problem because Trump claims we haven't even started hitting them hard.

Run to Times Square and have sex with the first person you see.

Because I'm asking for a friend was kind of a weird thing for Spider Man.

It's important to remember that Trump has pledged for years to keep the US out of new wars.

So it's no wonder that voters aren't jumping automatically on board here.

According to a new CNN poll, 59% of Americans disapprove of the Iran strikes.

But what if Americans found out that God wanted this war cause According to more than 100 grievances from US military personnel stationed at dozens of sites across the Middle East, US Commanders have told troops that President Trump is, quote, anointed by Jesus to light the signal fire in Iran to cause Armageddon and mark his return to Earth.

If the end times are near and the Rapture is coming, it's time to dust off my famous easy Jeezy helmet with the the no slip rapture grip.

So the Lord can yank me straight into heaven.

Okay, this is back for a limited time only.

Just remember Jesus, lift with the legs gets magic hair.

A source said that one commander had a big grin on his face when he said all of this, which made this message seem even more crazy.

Trump is anointed by God and we're all going to die.

Clearly Trump is aware that this is not polling well because he posted if I didn't terminate Obama's horrendous Iran nuclear deal, Jack Poa Iran would have a nuclear weapon three years ago.

That is the most dangerous transaction we have ever entered into.

And had it been allowed to stand, the world would be an entirely different place right now.

You can blame Barack Hussein Obama and sleepy Joe Biden.

Look, at a certain point, you don't get to blame your predecessors anymore or your predecessor's predecessor.

If I have a joke that doesn't work, which never happens, you don't see me saying thanks a lot, David Hussein Letterman and sleepy Ed Sullivan.

One reason this war is not doing baffo box office might be that the administration does not have a unified message about why they launched it and what the goal of the war might be.

Normally the President addresses the nation from the Oval offices in times of war.

Instead he's done some hodgepodge of at least 19 phone interviews just answering his phone for some reporters, including one who said he picked up right away.

And when I said I had a few questions, he said, go ahead.

Why, yes, I would like to extend my vehicle's warranty while I have you.

Would you like to be Iran's next support Supreme Leader Ayatollah Likely?