Name: Trump Serves McDonald's to U.S. Men's Olympic Hockey Team
Uploaded: 2026-03-02T22:07:03.000Z
Duration: 15 min 10 s
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And now, if you don't mind, we're gonna get to the news.

In a post yesterday on Truth Social, President Trump criticized Democratic Congresswoman Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib for interrupting his State of the Union address and said that they, quote, screamed uncontrollably last night at the very elegant State of the Union.

Oh, is that the same elegant State of the Union where you signed a guy's Trump tie like you were a retired pitcher at a card?

In an interview this week, House Speaker Mike Johnson said if Republicans lost in the midterms, it would, quote, be the end of the Trump presidency in real effect.

See how easy it is to come up with a winning message, you guys?

In her opening statement while testifying today before the House Oversight Committee about Jeffrey Epstein, Hillary Clinton criticized the panel and said that if they were serious about getting new information about Epstein, they would force President Trump to testify.

If you forced Jeffrey Epstein to testify, He'd actually take the vow, you think?

During a confirmation hearing yesterday, Surgeon General designate Dr.

Casey Means said she would not direct parents to vaccinate.

Against measles and the flu, mainly because if children go to a doctor's office or a Walgreens, they'd have to put out their cigarettes.

That kid was psyched today when we brought him in for the photo shoot.

President Trump's America250 task force unveiled the design today for an official time capsule that will be buried on July 4th to celebrate the country's 250th anniversary.

And then accidentally dug up next year when he demolishes the vice president.

vance announced yesterday that the Trump administration will freeze nearly $260 million in Medicaid funding for Minnesota in an effort to combat fraud.

Oh, sure, it's definitely because of the fraud and not to get back at them for laughing when that ICE agent slipped and fell on his ass.

And yeah, yeah, we had to show the video.

During a press conference yesterday, Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services Administrator Dr.

Mehmet Oz criticized people who scammed federal healthcare programs and called them, quote, self serving scoundrels.

And then said, the whole thing gave me a headache.

Sort of buy it wherever pharmacists aren't paying attention.

During their White House visit this week, President Trump reportedly served the US Men's Olympic Hockey Team McDonald's.

I think he only invites people to the White House so he can get McDonald's.

The website NorthJersey.com has launched a March Madness style competition to determine the best chicken parmesan in the state.

Though it's going to be confusing when 30 of the choices are my cousin Angela's.

Authorities in Canada recently raided two convenience stores and discovered illegal synthetic cannabis.

Cigars, knives, brass knuckles and hallucinogenic edibles.

Who goes to a convenience store to buy cigars?

And finally, New York's MTA has announced that later this year it will begin testing an audio advertising program.

It will mark the first time passengers had ever said a. Oh, thank God, a mariachi band.

Everybody, we got a great show for you tonight.

You know him from fantastic shows such as your Friends and Neighbors and Mad Men, as well as films like Bridesmaids and Top Gun Maverick.

He's currently starring in Hoppers, which is in theaters March 6th.

He's a Grammy Award winning rapper, songwriter, drummer, record producer, making his directorial debut and starring in the film K pops in theaters February 27th.

Before we get to that, the Trump administration is once again threatening war with Iran over its nuclear program, despite claiming they already obliterated that nuclear program.

For more on this, it's time for a closer look.

before Trump took office in 2017, we had a deal with Iran to prevent them from building a nuclear weapon.

I've been making lots of wonderful deals, great deals.

Never, ever, ever in my life have I seen any transaction so incompetently negotiated as our deal with Iran.

Your list of failed businesses includes Trump Airlines, Trump Vodka, Trump Mortgage, Trump Stakes, Trump Magazine, Trump University, Trump Waters, Trump Vitamins, and

Trump the Game, which is like Monopoly, but

instead of a thimble or a top hat, you can play as a golf ball or a up hand.

Seriously, can you imagine sitting at home and playing this with your family?

Ooh, looks like I landed on community chess.

It says, uh, oh, you slept with a porn star.

The point is, Trump really hated the Iran deal and immediately started messing with it, although he wasn't always super familiar with the words he was reading.

Key House and Senate leaders are drafting legislation that would amend the Iran Nuclear Agreement Review act to strengthen enforcement, prevent Iran from developing an Internet.

I thought he said Internet, but then he said, this is really important.

Did you really think the teleprompter said the words an Internet missile?

I mean, what's an Internet missile anyway?

A text next to the family group chat that says, dad cheated on mom.

Seriously, who is the staffer who met President Trump and thought, oh, he'll be able to say intercontinental ballistic missile, no problem.

They're developing an inter condo where the is Gavin.

Seriously, dude, if you can't say the words intercontinental ballistic missile, then just don't put them in the script.

You know, use acronyms like wmd, which stands for weapons of mass destruction, or gsp, which stands for giant sky penis.

Now, just FYI, no one uses that one yet, but I am trying to make it a thing.

The point is, stick to words you can pronounce.

It's like how my writers know not to put the word pundit in a script because I pronounce it with a second N at the end, like pundit, which, as we all know, is what you say when someone makes a bad pun, you know?

So Trump scrapped a deal we already had in place to stop Iran from building a bomb.

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Trump Serves McDonald's to U.S. Men's Olympic Hockey Team

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