Name: These small word shifts change how people respond to you.
Uploaded: 2026-01-23T21:01:10.000Z
Duration: 7 min 21 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Modal verbs - A2

It can persuade and inspire and help us get ahead.

But at the same time, it can really work against us.

It can close doors, cause a whole bunch of miscommunications, and

even hurt the way that we think about ourselves.

So today, I wanted to talk about how a few magic words or small shifts in language can really help us become better communicators

and move closer towards the life that we want.

And a lot of them are actually beautifully captured in a book I recently listened to called Magic Words by Jonah Berger.

So there was this nursery classroom in California where researchers tried something interesting.

They asked one group of preschoolers to help clean up.

And then they asked the other group to be helpers and clean up.

But that tiny little shift in wording made a huge difference.

From a verb "to help" to a noun "a helper".

The group of kids that were asked to be helpers actually helped significantly more,

and they were more likely to help again later.

Because when you feel like it's part of who you are, you don't feel like you have to force it.

It also works so well in how we connect with other people.

Essentially, if you and someone else aren't seeing eye to eye,

instead of saying something like, "Can you be more understanding?"

"You've always been such an understanding person. Can we talk about this?"

It's less criticism and it's more like an invitation for them to show up as their best self.

And people, most people want to live up to that positive version of themselves.

2. Shift away from first-person language.

Sometimes the way we say things can build walls without us meaning to.

Whether this is friends, family, partner, it doesn't matter.

If things are getting heated or emotional and you're using you or I, which is first-person language,

it can accidentally sound like blame, even if that wasn't our intention.

"You never have time for me," it can come across as an accusation.

"It feels like we haven't had much time together lately.

The "you" and "I" have disappeared, and so does the blame.

It now focuses on the situation instead of the person.

And so it makes it feel a lot more caring and less confrontational.

And you can use this little language shift when you're talking to yourself as well.

If you were to say, "I'm so bad at this," the "I" makes it personal.

It turns one moment of frustration into self-judgment.

If you were instead to say, though, "This isn't going the way it's supposed to."

How the focus moves from "I'm the problem" to "the situation is the problem".

And when the situation is the problem, we can ask ourselves, you know, how can I fix this?

The word "should," I've always felt like, is just pressure.

It carries with it the sense of like guilt and obligation.

Like there's only one right answer and you've been getting it wrong.

Every time we say the word should, we create a gap between who we are and who we think we're supposed to be.

But if we were to change that one word instead to "could," the energy completely changes.

I could make something nourishing for dinner.

I could spend a few minutes working on my project.

It shifts our mindset from guilt to choice, from "I have to" to "I get to."

That using high pressure or controlling language words like you must, you have to, you should.

It triggers something that psychologists call psychological reactance, which is essentially our brain saying, "Nope, I don't want to do that."

Because our freedom feels threatened and we don't like that.

But now, when the same message is phrased in a more open way —

you could, you might consider, one option is to —

people become far more receptive, because you're supporting their autonomy.

So this works anytime you're talking to other people or even to yourself.

How many times have you heard something like,

It's like the moment we hear the word "but", everything that came before it disappears.

It's like hitting the delete button on the compliment.

So instead of using "but", try using "and".

I've always felt that "and" is a bridge instead of a wall.

It connects ideas instead of canceling them out.

For example, if you were to say, "You're doing great, but here's what to fix."

You could instead say, "You're doing great. And here's what could make it even better."

It goes from being corrective to collaborative.

And we can also use that whenever we're talking to ourselves.

You know, instead of "I did a lot, but I could have done more,"

you could try, "Yeah, I did a lot, and I can keep improving."

"But" creates tension; "and" builds connection.

but it can actually be really helpful, which is just to add the word "because".

There's a very well-known psychology experiment where researchers tested what would happen if they approached people who are about to use the photocopier,