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  • >>CAN I HELP YOU MA'AM?

  • >>YES, I'M LOOKING FOR A NEW SWEATER.

  • >>OKAY PERFECT.

  • WE HAVE A GREAT MATERNITY SECTION OVER THERE.

  • IT'S PERFECT FOR PREGNANT--

  • >>HOW DARE YOU ASSUME I'M PREGNANT!

  • >>I DIDN'T SAY PREGNANT! I SAID, PRESENT!

  • I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU.

  • CONGRATULATIONS! ITS A COUPON FOR...

  • WEIGHT LOSS.

  • WHY DO I EVEN HAVE THIS?

  • [SLAP]

  • >>WELCOME BACK EVERYONE TO MATT CENTER,

  • YOUR SOURCE FOR MATT MEESE FAILURES.

  • TELL ME MATT, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT

  • YOUR PERFORMANCE TONIGHT?

  • >>UM, NOT GOOD.

  • HOLD ON, DO I REALLY HAVE A CHANNEL

  • DEDICATED TO MY FAILURES?

  • >>OF COURSE NOT.

  • >>OKAY GOOD.

  • I WAS WORRIED.

  • >>YOU HAVE TWO CHANNELS.

  • SPANISH MATT CENTER IS VERY POPULAR.

  • >>BIENVENIDO AL CENTRO DE MATT,

  • SU FUENTE PARA CADA FALLA DE MATT.

  • >>SO MATT HOW DOES IT FEEL TO ONCE AGAIN STICK YOUR

  • FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH?

  • >>IN MY DEFENSE, SHE WAS DECEPTIVELY

  • NOT PREGNANT.

  • >>LET'S BRING IN OUR FORMER FAIL COACH AND CURRENT

  • MATT CENTER ANALYST TO SEE IF HE AGREES.

  • COACH HARKEY WAS THIS MATT'S FAULT?

  • >>OF COURSE IT IS!

  • LET ME BREAK IT DOWN ON INSTANT REPLAY.

  • NOW RIGHT HERE HE NOTICES THE BELLY,

  • BUT IT'S LIKE I ALWAYS TELL MY PLAYERS,

  • NO MATTER HOW BIG THE WOMB, YOU NEVER ASSUME!

  • >>BUT SHE HAD THE DISTINCT SHAPE OF A PREGNANT WOMAN!

  • >>WHAT IF SHE SWALLOWED A BASKETBALL?

  • OR WHAT IF THERE'S AN ALIEN TRAPPED INSIDE HER BODY

  • AND PARASITICALLY FEEDING ON HER LIFE FORCES?

  • HOW STUPID ARE YOU GOING TO FEEL WHEN EXTRA TERRESTRIAL

  • POPS OUT AND THREATENS THE PRESIDENTS OF THE AMERICAS?

  • >>WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW?

  • >>OKAY, WE ARE RECEIVING

  • BREAKING NEWS THAT AN EPIC SALE HAS JUST BEEN MADE BY

  • MATT'S RIVAL CO-WORKER DERRICK GREEN!

  • >>DERRICK VERDE.

  • QUE BUENO.

  • >>DERRICK, HOW WERE YOU ABLE TO MAKE THAT SALE TONIGHT?

  • >>I JUST LEFT IT ALL OUT ON THE SHOE AISLE, MAN.

  • >>ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

  • WHY ARE YOU INTERVIEWING DERRICK?

  • NO ONE CARES ABOUT DERRICK.

  • >>IS IT TRUE YOU WERE DRAFTED BY JC PENNY RIGHT

  • OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL?

  • >>YEAH I WAS.

  • YOU KNOW, I CONSIDERED GOING TO COLLEGE

  • BUT THEY OFFERED ME 8.25 AN HOUR PLUS COMMISSION.

  • >>CLEARLY, YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE.

  • >>CLEARLY, EVERYONE HERE IS AN IDIOT.

  • >>DERRICK YOU'VE BEEN HOT ALL DECEMBER.

  • WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?

  • >>CHRISTMAS. MAN I OWE EVERYTHING

  • TO CHRISTMAS.

  • >>LA NAVIDAD, QUE BUENO!

  • >>AND HOW HAVE YOU BEEN ABLE TO OVERCOME ADVERSITY?

  • >>YOU KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE COUNTED US OUT,

  • BEFORE THE HOLIDAY SEASON STARTED,

  • BUT MY SALES TEAM HAS A LOT OF PRIDE,

  • AND IT JUST GOES TO SHOW WE FOR THE GREATEST

  • CUSTOMERS IN THE WORLD.

  • WITHOUT THEM WE WOULDN'T BE HERE RIGHT NOW.

  • >>OH GIVE ME A BREAK!

  • HE'S JUST USING A BUNCH OF DUMB

  • DEPARTMENT STORE CLICHÉS, WHICH I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW

  • THAT WAS A THING UNTIL NOW.

  • >>DERRICK, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO THE KIDS THAT ARE WATCHING RIGHT NOW?

  • >>YEAH. ANY SALE IS POSSIBLE!

  • >>AND HE GETS A TROPHY TOO NOW?

  • COME ON!

  • WHAT IS THAT?

  • FORGET THIS, I DON'T NEED ANY OF THIS NOISE.

  • JUST TAKE MY WALLET.

  • >>POWER!

  • >>THAT'S DEFINITELY MAKING THE TOP 10 FAILS TONIGHT.

  • >>EL TOP DIEZ, QUE BUENO!

  • FRIENDLY YOUTUBE VIEWER.

  • YOU JUST WATCHED ONE FUN VIDEO.

  • WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NEXT?

  • CLICK THE SUBSCRIBE BUTTON.

  • THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO NEXT.

  • OH THERE YOU GO!

  • THAT'S GOING TO MAKE THE TOP TEN TONIGHT.

>>CAN I HELP YOU MA'AM?

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