Name: How to Be a Great Lover
Uploaded: 2026-01-09T18:23:01.000Z
Duration: 4 min 45 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

The goal of becoming an ideal lover has a tendency to bring up certain stock images.

A slender physique, clear eyes, taut skin, a successful business, a confident manner.

These have their advantages, no doubt, but

the true virtues of love might lie in a slightly different, slightly less heralded corner.

An ideal lover might be endowed with with some of the following.

However pleasing accomplishments might be, what truly nurtures love is someone's relationship to their flaws.

A basic and calm recognition that they may, somewhat surprisingly, have a great many of them.

No one who's properly explored and understood themselves can be convinced of their marvelousness for long.

An ideal lover doesn't need persuading of their fragilities.

They want our help to be able to bear and overcome them.

They aren't defensive in the face of criticism.

They say sorry almost before we've spoken, such as their degree of self awareness.

They feel, at a base level, really very grateful that anyone would put up with them, which can make them very appealing indeed to be around.

We need people who have a good sense of how broken they are and can warn us about the problems before they've done too much damage.

In a way that can make us feel hopeful about change and unfrightened about the status quo.

The ideal lover knows the backstory to their anger and anxiety, self pity and indolence.

We don't have to stumble on their issues and then suffer from being told we're crazy or mean for mentioning or attempting to make sense of them.

They hand us early on, with grace, a fairly dense folder of their follies.

They aren't, of course, funny for laughter's sake.

The best lovers are in essence laughing at themselves.

They're inviting laughter about how ridiculous they are, how vain they can be, how conceited they feel.

They laugh because they again said the wrong thing and because they try so hard but keep annoying us anyway.

They laugh so that we won't have to scream or cry quite so much.

The best lovers have a benevolent interpretation of motives.

They don't immediately believe that we are doing it on purpose to punish them or bring them down.

They know that however maddening we are, we probably haven't set out on a single minded mission to to destroy their lives.

They keep in mind the small, originally sincere and innocent child beneath the very complicated and sometimes no longer so charming adult that we are, they are quick to imagine that we might deep down still be dealing with a hurt from a careless parent or a humiliation at work, or might simply be very tired and in need of a hug.

Fifthly, intelligence ideal lovers don't need to know string theory or quantum mechanics.

They need a grasp of the key tenets of emotional intelligence.

How anger can mask hurt, how impatience may arise from anxiety.

How those who are mean might be passing on a meanness done to them.

How there is almost always a childhood cause behind an adult snarl.

How people mistake figures in their present for ghosts in their pasts.

They know that the emotional mind is a very peculiar and counterintuitive organ crying out for gentle interpretation and curiosity.

Sixthly, oddity ideal lovers have room for our strangeness.

They're not overly attached to their or are normality.

They know from spending sufficient time in their own mind that sex is very odd for everyone, that we're all more envious, anxious, petty, glorious and intelligent than we're meant to be.

We love them even more for how we can feel about ourselves in their company.

Subtitles ListPlay Video

How to Be a Great Lover

anxiety

ridiculous

decent

properly