Name: Bad Personal Statement Examples (How a Doctor Would Fix Them)
Uploaded: 2025-12-22T17:57:46.000Z
Duration: 10 min 54 s
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No matter how strong your academic scores are, a bad personal statement will lead to med school rejection.

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But what if you had an inside look at what separates a bad or even generic personal statement from those that get interviews?

Our team of doctors and I have read thousands of personal statements and we've seen common mistakes repeated over and over again.

97% of the students we work with are accepted to med school, so we know exactly what works and what doesn't.

In this video, I'm going to walk you through bad personal statements, showing you examples of what went wrong and the specific changes that can salvage a bad essay.

Make sure you stay until the end to see the single biggest mistake most pre meds make that results in a bad personal statement.

Walking into the office, I heard a most unsettling sound.

A distinctive screeching, painful yelp audible throughout the clinic.

I instantly knew what case I would be seeing next.

When I saw Brody, a toddler, I knew exactly what was happening to him.

Due to my vast and extensive research on the bacteria that caused the disease, I knew it was Bordetella pertussis, a gram negative aerobic pathogenic encapsulated Coxobacillus of the genus Bordetella.

Describing all that I knew about the microbe's pathogenesis and explaining how my research could improve vaccine efficacy was comforting to the family.

My research experiences have ignited a passion to continue being at the cutting edge of medicine while always seeking to improve patient care.

Don't try to impress admissions committees with your breadth of medical knowledge in your personal statement.

This is not the time to show how much you know about medicine.

Let your medical knowledge and skills shine through in your MCAT score transcripts and Work and Activities section.

There's no need to explain what a specific disease is to the admissions committee.

This only uses up your valuable space and could make you sound like you're trying to prove how much you already know.

Although the student is leaning into storytelling, the narrative still overstates their role and impact.

Showing more humility would make the personal statement feel more grounded and credible.

Walking into the office, I heard a most unsettling sound, a distinctive screeching, painful yelp audible throughout the clinic.

When I saw Brody, a toddler, I knew exactly what was happening to him because I had spent the last two years on a team researching Bordetella pertussis.

Discussing how our research could improve vaccine efficacy brought the family some hope for the future during a tough time.

My research experiences have ignited a passion to be at the cutting edge of medicine, always seeking to improve patient care so that one day I can come to a family like Brody's with a better prognosis.

The personal statement is about your journey.

Show your passion for medicine while remaining humble.

Even if you are at the top of your class, you are still a pre med and have a long way to go before you become a doctor.

Now, now, let's look at example number two.

The foremost leading reason why I want to run after a career in medicine is because of a covenant vow I made to my sister when I was but a tender youth of eight.

My sister, who was only an innocuous infant, was aware I had been shepherding her health while our parents were working late.

Shielding her from harm gave me a feeling of responsibility I had never experienced before.

When my sister arose from her slumber with a fever, I felt impotent.

Her medical practitioner was able to take care of the most quintessential person in my entire existence and by systematically ruling out possible causes for the fever while still helping my sister feel safe, allowing me to see the unparalleled comeliness of medicine.

Can you see the main issue with this one?

While you want a personal statement that's dynamic and well written, it doesn't mean taking a deep dive into a thesaurus.

Use words that convey your message clearly and concisely.

Don't search for flowery or complex language to impress admissions committees.

In the end, you won't be impressing anyone.

More attention will be put on your strange word choices rather than the story you're trying to tell.

When editing your personal statement, think of how you can convey your point clearly and concisely.

After all, 5,300 characters is not very much space to convince admissions committees of your passion and dedication to medicine.

Instead, the main reason why I want to pursue medicine is because of a promise I made to my sister when I was 8 years old.

My sister, who was only a baby, was aware that I had been taking care of her while our parents were working late.

To caring for her gave me a feeling of responsibility I had never experienced before.

When my sister woke up with a fever, I felt helpless.

Her doctor was able to take care of the most important person in my life by systematically ruling out possible causes for the fever while still helping my sister feel safe allowing me to see the beauty of medicine.

Let ADCOMs focus on your story rather than your use of a thesaurus.

Let's look at another example I continued to pursue my dream of practicing medicine when when I volunteered in the intensive care unit at the UC San Diego Thornton Medical center where I gained first hand experience interacting with patients.

I talked to a patient who only spoke Spanish while I was collecting laboratory samples from nurses.

I was the only Spanish speaker in the unit and I only had a basic grasp of the language.

I asked the patient about her day and family and I was able to lift her spirits.

I learned the importance of making personal connections with patients through this experience.

So what are the big mistakes this personal statement makes?

Yes, your personal statement is about you and it's from your perspective, but

starting too many sentences with I is poor form.

Your writing will suffer and you'll be more likely to fall into the trap of just listing your accomplishments rather than establishing a cohesive narrative.

Watch out for this in your writing and double check for too many eyes when you edit.

Instead, add context to the beginning of your sentences.

Shape each like a story, and add variety to your sentence structure.

This is how you would improve this personal statement.

I continued to pursue my dream of practicing medicine by volunteering in the intensive care unit at the UC San Diego Thornton Medical center where I gained firsthand experience interacting with patients.

While collecting laboratory samples from nurses, I talked to a patient who only spoke Spanish as the interpreter had not arrived yet.

I was the only Spanish speaker in the unit and my Spanish was basic at best.

I asked the patient about her day and family, which lifted her spirits.

This interaction taught me the importance of personal connections with patients.

Eyes are still present, but they don't overpower the story.

Here's bad Example number four Although I failed to gain admittance to medical school, I've remained steadfast in pursuit of achieving my dream to be a physician.

Instead of accepting the failure of my application, I continued to foster these kinds of meaningful experiences with my patients and develop the traits necessary to forge the desired relationships I hope to foster as a physician.

Like like those my father had with his patients.

Always use light language when discussing a previous rejection from medical school.

You definitely need to address your reapplication and how you are an improved candidate.

But you don't need to say since I failed last time or when I messed up my application and was rejected.

Instead, acknowledge the past while focusing on the future.

For example, here's a better way to loop in a previous rejection Directly witnessing the incredible impact my father left on the world has shown me what physicians can achieve in patients lives and their communities.

My struggles with his passing forced me to develop the resiliency necessary to not give up on this path when faced with setbacks and instead to redouble my efforts to be a pillar of light in my community as a future doctor.

By the way, more of these personal statement examples are included in our Personal Statement Guidebook, which is completely free.

This resource shows you both good and bad personal statement examples along with feedback and insights from our team of physicians to help you work through writer's block.

It will show you exactly the steps you need to take to craft a personal statement that stands out for all the right reasons.

You need to write a personal statement that opens doors and gets you accepted into medical school.

The next example is a quick way to get yourself into the rejection pile the metallic taste of morphine hit the back of my throat before I even realized the nurse had pushed the plunger on the syringe.

One moment I was sprawled on the ER gurney, my bike mangled somewhere outside and my body screaming from where the car had clipped me.

Next, morphine flooded my system and the chaos dissolved.

But what stayed with me was the doctor's steady hands checking my injuries, the nurse's quiet reassurance, the synchronized efficiency of a team turning my worst day into yet another save.

In that moment of forced stillness watching them work, I understood what I wanted to be the one bringing that comp to someone else's crisis.

To many personal statement reviewers, this paragraph is seemingly innocent, and

it's precisely why you need to have your personal statement reviewed by someone with admissions committee experience.

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Bad Personal Statement Examples (How a Doctor Would Fix Them)

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