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  • [KNOCK ON THE DOOR] >>YOUR HONOR?

  • >>YEAH.

  • >>IT'S THE CUSTODY CASE.

  • >>OH YES.

  • REMIND ME THE DETAILS.

  • >>UH, A DIVORCED COUPLE ARE FIGHTING OVER CUSTODY

  • OF THEIR DAUGHTER THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

  • >>ALL RIGHT.

  • SEND THEM IN.

  • >>OKAY, WILL DO.

  • >>TAKE A SEAT AND TALK TO ME.

  • >>YOUR HONOR, I WANT MY DAUGHTER BACK.

  • SHE'S BEEN AT HER HOUSE FOR THE LAST SIX YEARS.

  • >>AND BEFORE THAT EIGHT YEARS AT YOUR HOUSE.

  • >>YEAH, AFTER EIGHT WITH YOU!

  • >>AND 12 WITH YOU!

  • >>I'M SORRY, HOW OLD IS SHE?

  • >>225.

  • >>THAT'S-- THAT'S VERY YOUNG FOR A COUNTRY.

  • >>STILL OLD ENOUGH TO DECIDE FOR HERSELF RIGHT?

  • WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE WITH KID?

  • >>I'M USUALLY PRETTY ANNOYED WITH WHOEVER

  • I'M WITH AT THE MOMENT.

  • SO...

  • >>WANT TO CHOOSE DAD HONEY?

  • LOW TAXES, LOW SPENDING.

  • >>OH, WHAT ABOUT MOMMY DEAR?

  • HIGH TAXES, HIGH SPENDING!

  • >>COOL.

  • OH.

  • >>SHE DOES THAT.

  • >>WELL YOU CAN'T JUST LET HER CHERRY PICK.

  • THINK ABOUT HER FUTURE.

  • >>OH!

  • I HATE THAT WORD!

  • >>FUTURE?

  • >>IT'S OKAY BABY.

  • THE FUTURE IS NOT REAL.

  • OKAY?

  • MOMMY WILL LET YOU HAVE ALL THE DEBT THAT YOU WANT.

  • >>AND AT DADDY'S HOUSE POLLUTION IS TOTALLY COOL.

  • >>NO, NO, NO.

  • SHE IS PLAYING YOU OFF EACH OTHER TO GET ANY

  • BAD THING SHE WANTS!

  • >>WELL WHAT DO YOU MEAN ANY BAD THING?

  • OKAY?

  • WHAT ABOUT THIS HEALTH CARE APP I HAVE, HUH?

  • OH, IT WON'T LOAD.

  • >>HA!

  • MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

  • >>OH, GO START A WAR SOMEWHERE.

  • >>YEAH, WELL GO HUG A TREE!

  • >>OH, GO MELT AN ICE CAP!

  • >>DONE!

  • >>OH!

  • >>STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!

  • NOW WE NEED A REMINDER OF GEORGE WASHINGTON'S FAREWELL--

  • >>HONEY-- >>HONEY--

  • YOU NEED TO PAY ATTENTION.

  • >>I'M SORRY.

  • YOU'RE LAME.

  • >>LAME?

  • I FOUGHT IN THE REAGAN REVOLUTION!

  • >>THAT IS NOT A REAL REVOLUTION.

  • >>THEN HOW COME I HAVE SO MANY GUNS?

  • >>NO, I MEANT YOUR BOTH LAME.

  • >>WELL, BUT I WAS THE ONE WHO OCCUPIED WALL STREET!

  • >>YEAH, WELL I DIDN'T NEED TO OCCUPY IT BECAUSE I WORK THERE.

  • >>OH YEAH.

  • WELL, THANKS FOR THE MARKET CRASH.

  • >>YEAH, WELL EUROPE CALLED, THEY WANT THEIR POLICIES BACK.

  • >>OH, 1850 CALLED THEY WANT THEIRS!

  • >>1850 DIDN'T HAVE A PHONE!

  • >>YOU DON'T GET METAPHORS.

  • >>STOP BICKERING!

  • THIS GIRL NEEDS A STRONG FAMILY.

  • CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?

  • >>WAIT WHOA!

  • WE HAVE FAMILIES.

  • >>YEAH, WE REMARRIED.

  • >>HONEY?

  • >>HEY!

  • >>ANOTHER LEFT-WING LIBERAL CONSPIRACY--

  • >>GOOD EVENING YOUR HONOR, SENATE REPUBLICANS--

  • >>NO, NO.

  • GET OUT.

  • RIGHT NOW.

  • BOTH OF YOU.

  • NOT YOU TWO.

  • SIT DOWN.

  • NOW WE'RE NOT LEAVING UNTIL WE CAN AGREE ON SOMETHING.

  • OKAY?

  • >>LIKE?

  • >>LIKE WHAT SHOULD WE GIVE THE POOR?

  • >>NOTHING.

  • >>HANDOUTS.

  • >>SO YOU AGREE THEY SHOULD STAY POOR.

  • >>YES.

  • >>LOOK AT THAT.

  • WHAT ELSE CAN WE AGREE ON?

  • >>WELL I WOULD LIKE A GIANT FENCE ALL ALONG

  • THE SOUTHERN BORDER.

  • >>AND I WANT LEGALIZED DRUGS.

  • >>SO FENCE WITH HOLES IN IT?

  • >>YEAH.

  • THAT WOULD WORK.

  • >>YEAH, SURE.

  • >>LOOK AT THAT.

  • YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH SO MUCH WHEN YOU WORK TOGETHER!

  • >>WELL, I HAVE TO ADMIT I THINK WE'VE GOT TO A GOOD PLACE.

  • >>YEAH, THINGS HAVE DEFINITELY EVOLVED.

  • >>THAT'S NOT A THING!

  • >>[LAUGHTER] THIS GUY.

  • >>MOMMY IS A COMMIE!

  • >>NO!

  • STOP IT!

  • STOP IT!

  • YOU ARE SO IMMATURE.

  • YOU ARE SO IMMATURE.

  • >>DO I NEED TO SEPARATE YOU TWO?

  • >>OH HI U.S.A.

  • HEARD YOU'VE BEEN HAVING SOME FAMILY PROBLEMS

  • AND I THOUGHT MAYBE WE SHOULD GET BACK TOGETHER.

  • >>STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER.

  • [GUN COCKS] >>GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!

[KNOCK ON THE DOOR] >>YOUR HONOR?

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