Name: RIP Mustache | New York’s Wettest Hour | Military AI | Who Stole Beyoncé’s Hard Drives?
Uploaded: 2025-07-17T08:20:42.000Z
Duration: 12 min 42 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Ladies and gentlemen, please, please, friends at home, do not adjust your television set.

I shaved off my mustache and said farewell to my vacation alter ego, Mr. Stephen.

It was, Mr. Stephen was just too beautiful for this world.

Apparently, it's an OSHA violation to be that sexy at work.

What else, what else, what else is happening about me?

Oh, The Late Show got nominated for an Emmy today.

I don't, I don't know what makes me more nervous, seeing if we can bring back some gold or seeing if I still fit into my tuxedo.

I want to thank, thanks to the Academy for the nomination and a special thanks to everyone who works so hard on the show, especially the writers of this show.

Who every night, every night, bring it, rain or shine, your hard work and brilliance has made this nomination possible.

Our fellow nominees are The Daily Show and Jimmy Kimmel Live.

But the real winner will be my manager, James Babydoll

Dixon, who happens to represent me, Jimmy, and Jon Stewart.

So, so no matter, no matter who wins, he will be spending the night with two losers.

The Emmy nomination isn't the only reason I'm feeling good.

I'm also feeling happy because last night's torrential rains are over and New York City is no longer flooded.

The waters have receded, and miraculously, God spared two of every rat.

Of every, that technically means there's twice as many rats now.

Yesterday, New York and New Jersey got slammed with thunderstorms and flash floods.

Between 7 and 8 PM, New York City experienced its second wettest hour on record.

The wettest hour was when Jeremy Allen White appeared on this billboard in Soho.

You know, also, also broke some heat records.

The city's emergency management department issued a warning to residents telling people who live in basement apartments to be ready to move to higher ground.

To which landlords said, what basement apartment?

This is, this is a sun drenched garden unit with a kitchen toilet minus the sun garden and kitchen.

Just look what happened to the Lincoln Square Movie

That was either from the torrential rain or someone in the theater above spilled one large Diet Coke.

Folks in the subways got caught in the flood.

Here's one train conductor trying to keep the mood light.

Oh, the sound system is perfectly tuned when it's, when it's open mic night on the Uptown One.

But when there's a delay, it's always like.

Rain also commuted over to New Jersey for a bit in North Plainfield.

A whole dumpster was spotted floating down the street.

I got to say, the new Cybertruck looks pretty cool.

Yesterday, Trump joined religious leaders for something called a faith luncheon, where the president showed that he understands his audience.

Everybody, everybody's got their thing, I guess.

You folks, you folks love the guy in the sky with the magic beanstalk.

I'm, uh, I'm more into golf, and many people are saying Jeffrey Epstein.

Trump also spoke about how his big, new, beautiful bill will help some of God's most cherished creatures, ugly, rich dudes with hot wives.

I said to one guy, he's a very, very unattractive man, but he's smart and he's rich.

And I said, you better hope we get this thing passed, because your wife will be gone within about two minutes.

It's like that Disney movie where the hot girl meets a hideous beast, but she loves him because he's got a luxurious castle where she can just sit back and watch a candle have sex with a little broom.

Trump got elected last year by making two promises.

Racism and bringing down inflation using racism.

So far, so far not so great, because thanks in part to Trump's tariffs, today we learned that in June, inflation went up almost 3%.

And it could be about to get worse, because Trump just threatened that starting in August, he's slapping a 30% tariff on European goods.

No more, no more, no more European goods.

Now we'll have to settle for European bads.

I'm looking at you, toilet with two buttons.

Do we have to synchronize our key turns to flush the toilet?

Specifically, these tariffs could increase prices of things like French cheese,

Italian leather goods, German electronics, and Spanish pharmaceuticals.

I go, I fly all the way to Barcelona for my FANAC.

Winemakers are especially anxious, because as one pointed out, the 30% tariff on wine would be virtually an embargo on 80% of Italian wine.

They're gonna, they're gonna need to update that scene from Silence of the Lambs.

I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice...

Subtitles ListPlay Video

RIP Mustache | New York’s Wettest Hour | Military AI | Who Stole Beyoncé’s Hard Drives?

inflation

upset

novelty

racism