Name: Paramount’s Trump Settlement: A Big Fat Bribe | Jeffrey Epstein Never Dies | FIFA Trophy Row
Uploaded: 2025-07-17T08:06:43.000Z
Duration: 12 min 41 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

It's me under this salt and pepper cookie pusher.

For tonight, my upper lip is home to what many in the beauty industry are calling, technically, a mustache.

I know you've got questions, so let me take you behind the stache.

The show was on vacation for the last couple of weeks, and I visited the beautiful nation of Turkey.

I had heard so many great things from Mayor Adams about it.

I grew the traditional vacation cold beard.

And then, upon a threat of trial separation by my wife, Evy,

I went to a barber shop for a straight razor shave.

They have great barber shops in Istanbul.

When I sat down for the shave, he goes, we keep the mustache?

And I said, no, my wife doesn't like it shaved off.

So for the rest of the trip, to everyone I was traveling with,

OK, Stephen Colbert, Mr. Stephen, international purveyor of scented oils and rose-flavored candies.

Mr. Stephen has a signature cocktail made with bergamot and pistachio liqueur, which he orders at the swim-up bar in a bathing bottom that would get you arrested the sight of the Bosphorus.

Mr. Stephen gets the best tables at all the best restaurants, because when Mr. Stephen walks in, the maitre d' sometimes thinks he's Bryan Cranston.

And tonight, and tonight, ladies and gentlemen, my mustache comes to you with a heavy heart, because while I was on vacation, my parent corporation,

Paramount, paid Donald Trump a $16 million settlement over his 60 minutes lawsuit.

As someone who has always been a proud employee of this network,

And I don't know if anything will ever repair my trust in this company.

But just taking a stab at it, I'd say $16 million would help.

This settlement, this settlement, this settlement is for a nuisance lawsuit Trump filed claiming that 60 Minutes deceptively edited their interview with then-candidate Kamala Harris last fall.

Paramount knows they could have easily fought it, because in their own words, the lawsuit was completely without merit.

And keep in mind, Paramount produced Transformers,

Now, unlike, unlike, unlike, unlike the payoffs from ABC and Twitter, Paramount's settlement did not include an apology.

Instead, the corporation released a statement where they said, you may take our money, but you will never take our dignity.

You may, however, purchase our dignity for the low, low price of $16 million.

Now, I believe this kind of complicated financial settlement with a sitting government official has a technical name in legal circles.

It's Big Fat Bribe, because this all comes as Paramount's owners are trying to get the Trump administration to approve the sale of our network to a new owner, Skydance.

OK, that was, that was me dancing in the sky.

And some of the TV typers out there are blogging that once Skydance gets CBS, the new owner's desire to please Trump could put pressure on late night host and frequent Trump critic, Stephen Colbert.

OK, OK, but how are they going to put pressure on Stephen Colbert if they can't find him?

And even if they do, and even if they do,

Mr. Stephen always has his scented oil business to fall back on.

There's some fun news involving Jeffrey Epstein.

While I was on vacation filtering cheap rosé through my stash like krill through a whale's baleen,

And now, Donald Trump is facing a revolt from his MAGA base over his failure to release the Jeffrey Epstein files.

MAGA and a bunch of other folks have long believed that Jeffrey Epstein did not die by suicide back in 2019, but instead was killed to prevent him from revealing the names of prominent elites who he was blackmailing because of the stuff with the plane and the island and the girls.

And the Trump campaign rode into office on a giant wave of conspiracy theories.

And Trump administration officials like Attorney General Pam Bondi, head of the FBI,

Kash Patel, and Vice President J.D. Vance have all said the government is hiding evidence about who the clients of Jeffrey Epstein were, which is hard to dispute because we don't know for sure who the clients of Jeffrey Epstein were.

But last week, Bondi dropped a bomb-dy, releasing a memo saying that there is no incriminating client list of Epstein and no credible evidence that Epstein blackmailed prominent individuals.

What are we going to find out next, that immigrants aren't eating cats?

That if you sail to the horizon, you don't fall off the world?

That explain this cover for Kansas' point of no return?

MAGA's especially mad at Trump himself because just in February, Attorney General Bondi said this.

One of the things that you alluded to, and this is something Donald Trump has talked about, the DOJ may be releasing the list of Jeffrey Epstein's clients.

It's sitting on my desk right now to review.

If it was sitting on Pam Bondi's desk in February and now it doesn't exist, that can only mean one thing.

And don't try to tell me it just committed deskicide.

And before you answer, imagine that I don't have this mustache.

Trump's base heard that and went banana pants.

So Bondi released a 10-hour security video of the door to Epstein's cell to show that no one else went in.

Only problem, at one point the video actually skips ahead 60 seconds in what some are calling a missing minute.

It sounds suspicious, but Bondi explained it during a cabinet meeting.

There was a minute that was off the counter.

And what we learned from Bureau of Prisons was every year, every night, they redo that video.

And every night should have the same minute missing.

Because in a maximum security prison, they always turn off the cameras for a little bit every night.

You know, I mean, even murderers need to dance like no one's watching.

Also, also murder like no one's watching.

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Paramount’s Trump Settlement: A Big Fat Bribe | Jeffrey Epstein Never Dies | FIFA Trophy Row

evidence

completely

general

imagine