Name: You're Not Nice, You're Just Secretly Selfish
Uploaded: 2025-12-12T20:01:10.000Z
Duration: 4 min 11 s
Description: Thousands of YouTube videos with English-Chinese subtitles! Now you can learn to understand native speakers, expand your vocabulary, and improve your pronunciation...

Often going above and beyond what is expected of him.

But he feels that no one treats him with the same level of kindness.

Four days ago, he helped one of his friends move into a new apartment.

Three days ago, Laurence took a few of his close friends out for dinner and paid.

And even took on the role of being their designated driver.

Two days ago, he bought some drinks for a girl and her friends at a bar.

And yesterday, he served food at a homeless shelter.

And even though everyone gave him a thank you, he didn't feel it was enough.

He even felt quite resentful. "I do so much for these people," he thought, "but they don't do anything for me."

And these outward acts of generosity were normal for Laurence, but the thing is, the more he did them, the more resentful he became.

He felt more and more like others didn't appreciate him, like they weren't as kind as him.

And this resentment made Laurence even more miserable.

How can Laurence overcome his feelings of being unappreciated, being resentful, and being miserable?

By realizing this difficult truth, he's not actually nice, he's just secretly selfish.

Laurence feels unappreciated because he's doing nice things for others from a transactional mindset.

He needs a reward for his good actions in order to feel appreciated.

Psychologically, this means that he's engaged in a transaction.

But he's trying to pass it off as if he's doing something nice.

Engaging in a transaction and being nice are two totally different things.

A truly nice action is done from a service mindset, it's done without the expectation of a reward.

And so if we do something truly nice for another, we don't suffer from not being appreciated, because that action wasn't done with any sort of expectation in the first place.

So knowing all of this, how does Laurence overcome his feelings of being unappreciated, being resentful, and being miserable?

By transitioning from a transactional mindset to a service mindset.

And how does Laurence go from a transactional mindset to a service one?

By only doing nice things for others, if he can do it without needing a return or a reward for his actions.

And if he can do that, he will actually suffer a lot less in life, because feelings of unappreciation and resentment will never arise.

And I know what most people are thinking, "How can you live in this world without needing rewards from anyone? Are you saying I should just do things for others without needing them to do anything for me?"

"Should I just never get any rewards for my actions? Won't that just make me exhausted and resentful?"

These people don't understand the difference between a need and a want.

When we operate from a service mindset, we accept any rewards that are given to us as a result of our actions, but we don't expect them.

We want a reward, sure, but we don't need it. We focus on what's in our control, which is doing the action.

But we're not attached to what's out of our control, which is receiving a reward.

By transitioning from a transactional mindset to a service one, we only do nice things for others when we can do them without expecting a reward.

This doesn't mean we don't accept a reward or a return of favor if it's given, but we don't expect it.

And by not needing a reward, our actions become truly kind, not trasactional.

And by operating out of sincerity abundance and selflessness, we no longer suffer from feelings of unappreciation and resentment.