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  • Laurence feels unappreciated.

  • He does a lot of nice things for others.

  • Often going above and beyond what is expected of him.

  • But he feels that no one treats him with the same level of kindness.

  • This really bugs Laurence.

  • It makes him suffer a lot.

  • Four days ago, he helped one of his friends move into a new apartment.

  • Three days ago, Laurence took a few of his close friends out for dinner and paid.

  • And even took on the role of being their designated driver.

  • Two days ago, he bought some drinks for a girl and her friends at a bar.

  • And yesterday, he served food at a homeless shelter.

  • And even though everyone gave him a thank you, he didn't feel it was enough.

  • He even felt quite resentful. "I do so much for these people," he thought, "but they don't do anything for me."

  • And these outward acts of generosity were normal for Laurence, but the thing is, the more he did them, the more resentful he became.

  • He felt more and more like others didn't appreciate him, like they weren't as kind as him.

  • And this resentment made Laurence even more miserable.

  • How can Laurence overcome his feelings of being unappreciated, being resentful, and being miserable?

  • By realizing this difficult truth, he's not actually nice, he's just secretly selfish.

  • Laurence feels unappreciated because he's doing nice things for others from a transactional mindset.

  • He needs a reward for his good actions in order to feel appreciated.

  • Psychologically, this means that he's engaged in a transaction.

  • But he's trying to pass it off as if he's doing something nice.

  • Engaging in a transaction and being nice are two totally different things.

  • A truly nice action is done from a service mindset, it's done without the expectation of a reward.

  • It's done as a gift.

  • And so if we do something truly nice for another, we don't suffer from not being appreciated, because that action wasn't done with any sort of expectation in the first place.

  • So knowing all of this, how does Laurence overcome his feelings of being unappreciated, being resentful, and being miserable?

  • By transitioning from a transactional mindset to a service mindset.

  • And how does Laurence go from a transactional mindset to a service one?

  • By only doing nice things for others, if he can do it without needing a return or a reward for his actions.

  • And if he can do that, he will actually suffer a lot less in life, because feelings of unappreciation and resentment will never arise.

  • And I know what most people are thinking, "How can you live in this world without needing rewards from anyone? Are you saying I should just do things for others without needing them to do anything for me?"

  • "Should I just never get any rewards for my actions? Won't that just make me exhausted and resentful?"

  • These people don't understand the difference between a need and a want.

  • When we operate from a service mindset, we accept any rewards that are given to us as a result of our actions, but we don't expect them.

  • We want a reward, sure, but we don't need it. We focus on what's in our control, which is doing the action.

  • But we're not attached to what's out of our control, which is receiving a reward.

  • By transitioning from a transactional mindset to a service one, we only do nice things for others when we can do them without expecting a reward.

  • This doesn't mean we don't accept a reward or a return of favor if it's given, but we don't expect it.

  • And by not needing a reward, our actions become truly kind, not trasactional.

  • Every kindness becomes a gift.

  • And by operating out of sincerity abundance and selflessness, we no longer suffer from feelings of unappreciation and resentment.

Laurence feels unappreciated.

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A2 laurence reward resentful mindset service miserable

You're Not Nice, You're Just Secretly Selfish

  • 71 3
    林宜悉 posted on 2025/07/30
Video vocabulary

Keywords

sort

US /sɔrt/

UK /sɔ:t/

  • verb
  • To organize things by putting them into groups
  • To deal with things in an organized way
  • To arrange things in a systematic way, typically into groups.
  • To arrange things in groups according to type.
  • noun
  • Group or class of similar things or people
  • A category of things or people with a common feature; a type.
mindset

US /ˈmaɪndset/

UK /ˈmaɪndset/

  • noun
  • Way someone things about something
  • A person's way of thinking; their attitude or set of opinions.
  • A mental attitude that determines how a person will interpret and respond to situations.
engage

US /ɪn'gedʒ/

UK /ɪn'ɡeɪdʒ/

  • verb
  • To start to fight with an enemy
  • To hire someone for a task or job
  • To have or hold the focus or interest of someone
  • To carry out, participate in; be involved in
  • To participate or become involved in something.
  • To employ or hire someone.
  • To attract and hold someone's attention.
  • To interlock or cause to interlock.
  • other
  • To participate or become involved in something.
  • To participate or become involved in.
  • other
  • To hire or employ someone.
  • To attract and hold someone's interest or attention.
  • To interlock or cause to interlock.
  • To begin fighting or attacking.
  • To bind oneself by a promise or contract; to pledge.
  • To begin fighting or attacking.
  • To employ or hire.
  • To attract and hold someone's attention.
  • To employ or hire someone for a specific task or role.
appreciate

US /əˈpriʃiˌet/

UK /ə'pri:ʃɪeɪt/

  • verb
  • To rise in value (of property or belongings)
  • To be thankful for; to value or admire
  • To feel or express gratitude or thankfulness.
  • To increase in value.
realize

US /ˈriəˌlaɪz/

UK /'ri:əlaɪz/

  • verb
  • To become aware of or understand mentally
  • To understand or become aware of something.
  • To achieve something that you have been trying to do.
  • other
  • To understand or become aware of something.
  • To achieve or make something happen.
  • To convert something into cash or a different form.
  • To convert something into cash.
miserable

US /ˈmɪzərəbəl, ˈmɪzrə-/

UK /ˈmɪzrəbl/

  • adjective
  • Very unhappy
  • Very unhappy or uncomfortable
  • Causing someone to be unhappy or uncomfortable
  • Of very poor quality or a very low standard
  • noun
  • A person who is always unhappy or complaining
expect

US /ɪkˈspɛkt/

UK /ɪk'spekt/

  • verb
  • To believe something is probably going to happen
  • other
  • To anticipate or believe that something will happen or someone will arrive.
  • To require something from someone as a duty or obligation.
  • To believe that something will happen or is likely to happen.
reward

US /rɪˈwɔrd/

UK /rɪ'wɔ:d/

  • verb
  • To give something because of someone's good work
  • To give someone money for helping the police
  • to give someone a reward
  • noun
  • Money given for information about criminals
  • Something given in recognition of service, effort, or achievement.
resentment

US /rɪˈzɛntmənt/

UK /rɪˈzentmənt/

  • noun
  • Feeling of anger because of unfair treatment
overcome

US /ˌovɚˈkʌm/

UK /ˌəʊvə'kʌm/

  • verb
  • To succeed in a struggle against; defeat
  • To defeat an opponent or obstacle.
  • Past participle of overcome; to have successfully dealt with or controlled a problem or feeling.